If your identity is wrapped up in the magnificent things you're destined to achieve...the thought that you might produce something mediocre can be devastating.
- Laura Fraser, My So-Called Genius
When I read the above quote, as part of my study on the book of Esther, I thought, that was is me. Often crippled by the possibility of producing something mediocre. Devastated my own unfulfilled expectations.
Then, we discussed this quote at Bible study on Monday night. One of the women spoke about her feelings on the topic of perfectionism. She shared that, as a professional, she was often caught up in the fear of producing mediocre work or failing to fulfill one of her assigned duties. The pressure for her was too much.
This idea resonated with me. Especially, as lately, I am wrestling with being a part-time professional. I am struggling with work, in general. I thought it was because of all the new rules and procedures. But, I think it's really the fear of mediocrity that keeps pulling me further and further away from a job I used to love.
As I grow weary of work, I feel that identity fading. What I was once so wrapped up in has become secondary to so many other things. So, what am I now?
I am someone who posts photos of my outfits on Instagram and occasionally blogs about fashion, even though I hate having my picture taken.
I am a mom who makes her children pose for photos with replicas of national monuments, even when their friends may be watching.
I am a wife who sometimes cooks dinner, and usually complains about it.
I am a woman with too many not enough pairs of shoes.
I am a blogger who writes from the heart and is hoping to change lives.
I am a child of God, who does great things, simply because they are God-things.
What are you? Has your purpose, your identity, changed?