Drawing the Line

Over the past several months I have been asking God to reveal himself to me in fresh, new ways. So, it was of no surprise to me when I was standing in line at Target on Saturday morning and heard this message, I'm the one that draws the line.
Although, it was just before 10:00 am on Saturday morning, Target was already packed. I had been there over an hour, trying to get all my shopping done in one place - clothes, shoes, food, beauty items, prescriptions and anything else I could think of - when I was finally ready to check-out. There were only a few lanes open and the lines were long. I took the opportunity to scroll through my coupons on Cartwheel - since I never seem to remember to do this before or while I shop. 
There was a woman behind me, who after a few minutes, demanded to the clerk that she call for extra help due to the length of the lines. The clerk responded nervously, indicating that she would and then went right on checking my items. The lady behind me seemed furious; I kept hearing her make noises and comments to the child she had with her. In a matter of minutes, mad lady said something to the child I couldn't quite hear and then walked swiftly past me, abandoning her cart.
I was shocked. My first thought was...why would you spend all that time shopping and then leave the store with nothing to show for it? Her behavior didn't make sense to me. She was obviously frustrated by the wait time, yet I assumed that she needed the items she had in her cart. I chatted a bit about mad lady's behavior with the woman that was checking my items. Neither of us were angry or judgmental. We were simply confused.
But, the voice in my head was appalled at mad lady's behavior. It seemed so ridiculous. That's when I heard that other voice. The still, small one that I am often too busy and distracted to hear. The one I had been struggling to hear all week. 

The news stories of the past few weeks have been weighing heavily on my mind and heart. I have been reading and re-reading the opinions of news reporters, bloggers and even read quotes from the individuals themselves. Yet, questions still plagued me. Did the parents do enough? Did that person go too far, change too much? Where do you draw the line?
In John, chapter 8 Jesus draws a line in the sand, so to speak. As the story goes, there are several religious men who bring to Jesus a woman caught in adultery. They want her stoned. Jesus bends down and writes or draws something in the dust. Then, he says, "All right, but let anyone who has never sinned throw the first stone." (John 8:7) No one throws anything. No one crosses the figurative line. And, Jesus knows why. Because he could see their hearts. He was the only one who had the power to judge, convict and forgive - completely.
We all move through the world in the same state - broken and beloved - and...we're all in need of healing and grace.  Rachel Held Evans, Searching for Sunday
I still don't know where I would draw the line given a certain set of circumstances, how far I'd go to protect or what lengths I would go to get something I felt I needed. But, I do know that Jesus has the answer. 
Therefore, it's in all situations - whether it's a decision related to abandoning my cart at Target or one more morally or ethically loaded - that I need to seek wisdom from the one who knows, sees and forgives all. 
He's the one that draws the line. The line of sin and judgment. The one which he took upon himself. So that all could be set free.

Trust

The time has come to start thinking about second grade. For O. First grade is coming to a close and soon decisions will be made about classrooms and teachers for next school year. But, first grade is comfortable. It feels good. Why do we have to move on?

While I know that the environment is important for O - the structure, routine, noise level, chaos-factor, etc. - I also know that the leader, the teacher is also important. He/she must be kind and loving and have reasonable expectations. She must know how to push, with care. But, most of all, she must be trustworthy.

"The most important thing is that he trusts his teacher. Because, if he trusts her, then he knows she has his best interest in mind and when something happens - when the structure or circumstances change - he can follow her without fear."

These are the words I spoke to a friend, several weeks ago. Then, later that morning, we took O to the dentist, which has historically been a source of fear for him. The hygienist said, "We need to build his trust. He needs to know that this is a safe place." And, they made it safe. They built his trust. As a result, he followed with trust. He left laughing instead of crying. Not because he had grown to love the circumstance of being at the dentist - of having people's hands and metal instruments in his mouth - but, because he had kept his focus on the people who built rapport and who he trusted to respect and value him.

In these situations, I have discovered my own lessons of trust. And, I have heard God speaking through them, Do you trust me? With your life? With your children? With your dreams?

In the book, Every Bitter Thing is Sweet, Sara Hagerty writes this about her desire to find God during her struggle with barrenness of the womb and of the soul, “I wanted him. Whether he came and lifted my circumstances, or he just came...Even when my circumstances were unbending, God was good to me.”

That's what I want so desperately to feel...that God is not only good, but that he is good to me. That I can trust him.

Over the past several months, I have been working on writing a Bible Study, which focuses on discovering God through the Psalms. 

As a result of my preparation for this study, God continually surprised me with insights into his steadfast love, grace and mercy, at a time when I needed nothing more than to hear that message. Here's what I learned...

The book of Psalms is a poetic story told through the hearts of God’s people; it's their response to their circumstances, in light of who God is. In the psalms, you will find stories of faith and doubt, failure and victory, despair and hope.

For the writers of the psalms, through all circumstances, God is the constant. He is the variable that never changes. In that way, our praise is not dependent on the circumstance, but on God, himself.

I can either look at my circumstances in light of God or look to Him alone, trusting him despite my circumstances, believing that the circumstances are irrelevant. Either way, there is only God and an intimacy that goes beyond a situation or condition.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. 

We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence...

In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises.

2 Peter 1:3,5

How will you respond to God's promises today? Will you trust him?

Only for Today

On Monday morning, I sat with O for a few minutes before the craziness of the day began. We talked about upcoming changes, things he was worried about - like school and our family getting a new car. Then, he got up from the chair to use the restroom and I got up to take a shower. As he passed the clock, he said, "Mom, we talked for 15 minutes!" It made me smile. First, because he is a bit obsessed with the time lately, which is often both a blessing and a curse. And second, because he noticed. He noticed that I had made time for him and that he had taken time away from his Lego building for me. 
As I went to take my shower, I wondered how long O would hold onto that memory, of us spending 15 minutes talking together. My mother's heart hoped that he would carry it with him forever. However, the realist side of me knew that wouldn't be the case. I could only hope that he would carry it with him for the day. That, when he got nervous at school or fearful of the "new car" experience, he would remember our moment together, talking about change and challenges and courage. And, that it would be enough. For that day.
The more I thought about it, the more I was reminded of a story of the Israelites - from Exodus 16 - about their 40 years in the desert. It's the story of how God provided for them. Every day, manna rained down from Heaven. And, they were only supposed to take enough for each day, except in preparation for the Sabbath. On the other five days, if they tried to take too much - out of fear that they would not get anymore - their food would be spoiled by morning. What they didn't understand was that there was no need to hoard their food, because the next day, more would come. God gave them enough for each day. They never lacked provision. 
He does the same for us.

Many times, I worry about tomorrow. Will I be able to handle whatever life throws at me? I spend too much time stuck in the "what ifs" and not enough time resting in the "what is."
The truth is, God gives us enough for each day, equipping us for the tasks he has planned. We don't need to try and take in all we can on Sunday, hoping that it lasts for the whole week. We can approach him every day and he will give us what we need.  
God is not only our provider, he is our provision. He is not just the supplier of the good stuff, he is the good stuff. 
Are you allowing God to be the one who satisfies you? Are you letting it be enough, for today?