Addicted

I have been writing notes on this post for months, but never seemed to have enough thoughts together to make sense of it. However, in the past few days, I have found two quotes that have brought it all together for me. I hope it makes sense to you...
I am not what you would consider an addict, in the true sense of the word. But, I believe that I have the potential to become addicted to people, things, or activities. It is part of my genetics, personality and experiences. 
Although my parents are not addicts, I have many relatives who fell victim to addictions, to alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. For this reason, I made a conscious decision not to drink alcohol and to stay away from activities where the potential for addiction was high. Why? Because while I believe that there are many choices addicts make, I also believe that part of becoming addicted is out of our control.
As a student of psychology, I have exhaustively studied the nature versus nature debate. Is who you are based on your genetics or your environment? While there are strong arguments on both sides, I don't think it's an either or. It's both. 
What makes someone an addict? One definition of addicted is to occupy (oneself) with or involve (oneself) in something habitually or compulsively. Using this definition, I have been addicted to many things in my lifetime. I have let things like exercise and weight control consume me. I can be a compulsive hand-washer. I spend way too much money at Starbucks.
I have a personality that is destined to be obsessive. I understand this about myself. I can take something small and simple and turn it into something big and complex, just by thinking about it too much. That's why, long ago, I took a good look at my genetics and made choices based on what I know about my family. 

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The only thing I want to become obsessed with, or addicted to, is Jesus. I want to spend so much time reading the Bible and talking to God that I can't think of anything else, but His truth and can't experience anything else, but His grace.
Everyone of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things, precisely because because we do God-things. His holy hand resting on the least act renders the ordinary extraordinary. Beth Moore, Esther
To steer my obsessiveness toward something extraordinary and divine...that is my goal.

Well, I never...

As I sit here trying to think of something to write for this post, there is a football game on the television. I didn't grow up with football, and I certainly never saw myself married to an avid football fan. But, I am. I've attended football games, watched numerous games on TV and cheered for my favorite teams. 

Like many things in my life, my appreciation of tolerance for football, was quite a surprise. Some other surprises...

Looking forward to new episodes of television shows, which only appear on Disney Jr.

NOTE POSTED ON THE DOOR WHERE THE MUSICIANS WERE PLAYING

Keeping my sanity while listening to a beginning clarinet player and recorder player practicing their music, at the same time.

Watching a movie about a boy band...and actually enjoying it.

Experiencing a love for wearing horizontal stripes.

Seeing my son participate in a team sport, like soccer, and actually enjoying himself...for the most part.

Are you currently doing something you never thought you'd do?

Old and New(s)

The other day I was searching for a blog post I had written about O's eating habits to share with a friend. When I found it, I realized that I had written it almost one year ago. A year later, we are still struggling with this, maybe even more so now than we were then.
I began to wonder...what else was I thinking and writing about this time last year? What did the first two weeks of September 2012 look like for me? How has my life changed since then?

OLD Last year, I wrote about the importance the church, and some of the positives and negatives about being a member of a church body. My stand on this issue remains the same..."As a church, we should gather with one common interest, and that's Christ, building a relationship with him, and building a kingdom of believers. A kingdom that is filled with love."
O's struggle with school was also on my mind a year ago. We have made progress, and for that I am grateful.
Similar to last year, I continue to struggle with focusing on my own needs and praying for myself. While I often excel at the "love your neighbor" part of the commandment, I tend to forget that the phrase "as yourself" comes at the end of that verse. 
Because I am not someone who thinks that dwelling in the past is a super-productive use of time, I also wanted to share some of the new (and exciting) things that are and will be happening in my life.
NEW(S) I am looking forward to making some small changes to my blog design. Even though it's only been eleven months since I acquired this look, I am ready for a change. I'm currently working with Chelsea and hope to reveal my updated look soon!
O had his first soccer practice on Wednesday. He loved it! I am excited for this new adventure with him.   I have been asked to be a contributing writer for the Unveiled Wife website. I am honored to be a part of a place that provides encouragement and support for women, as wives. Look for my first post sometime next month.   I love my new work schedule. I am currently working outside the home three days each week, which is a reduction from last year. It has been great to have more time to do "school stuff" with the kids, make dinner more often and be less stretched with work assignments.
I am currently working with Shanna to create another virtual closet. This time, for fall and winter outfits. I loved my experience the first time and am excited to see what wardrobe options Shanna will create for me.

So, what's new and exciting in your life? What has changed in your life since this time last year? I'd love to know!

V is for Victory

I volunteered in O's classroom Monday, for the first time since he started kindergarten. My plan is to volunteer every Monday morning. So I can observe, offer suggestions, and just simply be a part of his educational experience, just as I was with his sisters.

I walked into the classroom and was grateful that he couldn't see me from where he was sitting. I could be a silent observer. I could watch him without him knowing that I was there...but, only for a few seconds because one little boy announced, "O, your mom is here!"

I watched as he participated in the flag salute and sang about the Stars and Stripes. I watched as he listened intently to the teacher's instructions on the day's center activities. I felt victory and defeat. I witnessed steps forward and backward. Points for celebration and areas for improvement.

He participated in group response. Two points for O. He sat without the ability to keep his hands still, something he only does when he experiences anxiety. One point for SPD.

My role as mommy helper was to assist all students at the "Johnny-Appleseed-bear-making-station." I watched as my son cut with great precision. Victory. I watched as he became nervous about the slightest errors in his cutting. Defeat.

I get asked daily about how O is doing in kindergarten. I have found myself saying, "He is doing great. I think that he loves the learning part of it so much that he puts up with the stuff that makes him uncomfortable." After watching him on Monday, I still believe that to be true.

There is so much about kindergarten that O loves. But, there are also things that he doesn't. Like the boy sitting too close to him and calling attention to the fact that his mom is there. Or, making mistakes on his writing or cutting, wanting his words or shapes to look just right.

Putting up with the negative because there is so much good to experience. Isn't that life?

I know that O doesn't love everything about kindergarten. But, I also know that he doesn't complain about going. Steps forward.

I know that O has asked me when kindergarten will be over. But, I also know that he is excited to come home and show me all of his work, tell me about his accomplishments and do his homework. Celebration.

This life, O's life, is full of victories and defeats. But, in the end, there is nothing that I want more than to be O's mom. Because it is what God had planned for me to do.

I came across this prayer Monday night. It was sent to me by a friend during the first week of school.

I pray love and blessings over your family. You have been chosen by God to raise that amazing little boy. I pray He always gives you His peace and wisdom in tough times. Amen.

His peace. The ultimate victory. That's my goal. For me, and for my amazing little boy.

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things.

1 Chronicles 29:11

Fall-Inspired Mantle

Although the forecast for today is near 100 degrees, I am anticipating the arrival of fall. I have been purchasing fall wardrobe items, and this weekend, I decided it was time to transform my mantle from summer to fall.
In past years, I have typically only changed the mantle in my living room at Christmastime. However, in mid-June, I decided I needed to make some changes to my decor. Due to budget and time constraints, my best solution was to create a summer-inspired mantle.
My inspiration for the fall mantle came from a variety of sources. I got many great ideas from Pinterest, of course, and from thinking about some of my favorite fall things. However, as I ventured to Home Goods on Saturday morning, I really had no clue what I was looking for. I ended up spending a little bit more than I had for the summer mantle, which only cost me $30. The total cost for the fall mantle was around $45.
This is what I started with...my blank slate.

Similar to the summer mantle, I used both newly purchased items and other items I already had in my house. 

My inspiration item was the sign with the fall words. When I saw it in the store, I knew I had to buy it. It was the first thing in my cart and on the mantle. I arranged all the other items around it.

In addition to the sign, the newly purchased items included the pumpkin and owl. 

What I loved about this process, in addition to going shopping for new items, was the ability to re-purpose old ones. Like the wreath I bought many years ago, which has been sitting on the shelf in the pantry, untouched. Or, the apples I purchased at the dollar store that haven't been used in several years.
For the rest of the weekend, I was excited to walk into my living room, surprised each time by how much a few changes can have such a big impact. 
Fall brings change. Change in the weather and color palette. Change in the food we eat, switching from cool, summer salads to warm, homemade soups and chilis.
Now, I am officially ready for fall! I feel cozier already.
Have you made any changes for fall?

Stronger

As a writer, I love to tell stories. Sometimes, though, when the stories are not mine to tell, it becomes difficult to express myself. 
I have many feelings I would like to share today. But, because these emotions have been elicited by someone else's story, I must be careful how I share them and what I say.

Now, if that isn't vague and confusing...

What I'm trying to say is that sometimes I struggle, not because of something that is happening to me or because of the life stage I am finding myself in, but because of someone else's pain and suffering. 
When a close friend or relative is experiencing pain, I experience it to. Not to the same extent, but it's still there. My thoughts, prayers and emotions often revolve around my friend, my mother, my sister, and so on.

Last week, I received a text message, which went something like this, "It's happening now."

I was in the car at the time. (Don't worry, I was sitting in the parking lot waiting to pick up my girls, not driving). On the radio was this song, by Mandisa. I had heard it countless times before, but the words began to speak to me differently this time.

When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is going to make you stronger

How many times in life have I felt like I was drowning? Under the waves of anxiety, failure, insecurity.

Try and do the best you can

Hold on and let Him hold your hand

And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus

We forget, don't we? About Jesus. That His arms are always outstretched. All we have to do is take advantage of His strength and rest in Him.

He knows how much it hurts

And I'm sure He's gonna help you get through this

This life is not easy. There will be periods of trials and triumph, of failure and favor. We can't forget that God knows our hurts, intimately. And, because His knowledge of us is so great, who better is there to guide us through our life and experiences? No one.

Right now I feel tired and weak. And, I know that I am not alone. But, God, in His Word, has made promises to strengthen us, with His power, when we have been emptied by this life.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. 

Isaiah 40:29

The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory. 

Psalms 118:14

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.

1 Chronicles 16:11

God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect. 

Psalms 18:32

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Drama Mama

Having kids changes you. Some things change for the better, and other things, well...they're not as good. I used to be a thinker, an over-analyzer. After having kids, I think a lot more. Too much!

This summer my oldest daughter performed in a local children's musical. It was A's first time performing with this group, so there were a lot of unknowns. One of the things that made me the most anxious was the idea of meeting and interacting with the other moms. After four years of supporting A in cheer, I had become accustomed to those moms, but drama moms. What were they going to be like?
You know what? They were normal. Or, maybe I should say, they were no different from me. 
Sure. There were some that were experienced theater moms, but most were new to the program. Some were confident, but others were insecure and needed just as much guidance as I did. 
I'm not sure why I always do that. Second-guess myself and my abilities. But, I do it. Every. Single. Time.
I am so grateful that I did not pass that trait onto my oldest. While I'm sure she has some fears and does get down when she doesn't think she can do something, she is generally self-confident and is not afraid to try new things. There are days when I think I should be taking lessons from her.   Here are a few of the lessons on life, from the theater (and my ten year old) that I learned this summer:

No matter how many times your headpiece falls off, keep putting it back on...with a smile. 

Always sing and dance like no one is watching, even when hundreds of people are staring at you.

Never let anything distract you from what you really love.

In order to be good at something, you have to work hard. Working hard, when it's something you love, is fun.

No matter what's going on back stage, the show must go on.

Note:  These photos were taken by a professional photographer and I purchased them.