I'm Back + My First Vlog

The last 40 days have been like a mountain-top experience for me. I have read, watched, and studied so many amazing truths. It has been like a retreat for my mind and spirit. 

For the past 40-days I have been on a blog fast. During that time, although I was still present in social media, I did not blog, check pageviews or likes, or actively promote my blog.

Fasting is a spiritual discipline. It's about replacing the time you spend doing one activity (e.g. eating, social media browsing, or in my case, blogging) with time spent with God, in prayer, in study, etc. For me, fasting is not about giving up, it's about gaining intimacy with God. It's not about being deprived, but about seeking to be filled with Christ.

Lately, I've felt the need to be fed, spiritually. Anytime I can hear another woman speak, I do.I seek to read about what other godly women are saying and doing. In fact, I "attended" IF:  GATHERING from my home and watched over a dozen women writers and biblical scholars. It was incredible!  
Yet, I want more. Every day.
I've been doing Bible studies, reading books, and choosing passages of scripture to reflect on. I have had a desire to be immersed in the Word. To learn. To grow.

It's like a craving. This desire to know Him more. And, I can't imagine living in a state where I am not seeking him. To be out of his presence, to be in a state of ingratitude or indifference, feels wrong.
Jesus said, in John 7:37, "Anyone who is thirsty may come to me." And, when we do this, chose to quench our thirst, and be filled with Jesus, this "living water" that only He can give, will flow out of us. That is how we are designed, to be filled with God, so that we can offer that gift of Jesus to others.

During this time of fasting, my prayers have been for direction, for clarity in my purpose. God's response has consistently been, choose me. And, I have been working to do that...in every way I can.

For example, late in February, on one of my days off from work, I was mentally running through my to do list, when God stopped me. It was clear to me in that moment that I needed to make that day about what God wanted me to do. So, I asked Him. The answer was clear. Go to Mommy and Me, He said. This is a program at my church where mom's bring their toddlers and preschoolers. I have attended in the past with my own kids, but hadn't been there in years.

So, I sent a text to the woman in charge and asked if she needed my help. She said, yes. 
My friends, I had no idea why God was sending me there. But, I went anyway. There was record attendance that morning. I spoke to one mom about SPD. I was approached by a friend, who, without prompting, encouraged me to keep writing. I had fulfilled a need, I didn't even know existed. And, I never would have known if I hadn't thought to ask.

Also in the spirit of being obedient and of stepping out of my comfort zone, I am including a video in this blog post. Never thought I would do that. Hmmmm. Another one of those things that God spoke to me about. Make a vlog, He said.

It's a little shaky (and I'm talking very fast), but here it is anyway...

Another part of this fast, this seeking that I've been doing, has been to gain insight. To get answers about whether or not I should continue blogging. In my last post, I spoke of the positives and negatives of blogging and the struggles I face each time I hit publish.

I have learned that just because blogging is hard and just because it tests me, doesn't mean that I should stop doing it. In fact, it may even mean that I should embrace it even more. We can't avoid the things that cause us to inspect ourselves, to look deeper at who we are and what we are motivated by.
So, what does it mean to choose Him, in life or in blogging? It means, being willing to say yes. To whatever He asks. Whether or not He allows you to do it. Sometimes, God asks simply to get your attention, to test your readiness. It may not be comfortable. In fact, it may be downright scary.

God is asking, "Who are you? Will you be her?" 

Amena Brown Owen, Restless book club video

Who am I? I am not a person to shy away from challenges. At least, not anymore. So, why was I even contemplating leaving blogging? It wasn't because I didn't enjoy it or because I wasn't finding time for it. It was because keeping perspective was getting too hard.

When I really thought about it, I realized that I do hard things, everyday, so why should this be any different. Maybe, God is trying to teach me something in the challenging and difficult world of blogging. I have so much to learn.

Thorns push us to need God, and as I make my way through my thorns, I remember my humanity, my insecurity, my fear, my sin. 

I rustle through them all, knowing that through all this unbelief and fear and selfishness, he is on the other side. 

I wish it were easier. But then again, it would cost nothing and mean nothing if it were.

- Jennie Allen, Restless

Until Next Time

There are so many things that I want to say in this, my 300th post. But, first, I want you to know how hard this is for me to write. This post comes after much prayer, reflection and gut-wrenching tears.

Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about many of the questions I have been struggling with lately. Questions related to the direction that my career, this blog, my ministry - to name a few - may take me. Since that time, I have continued reading the book, Restless, and journaling my story - the pleasures, suffering, gifts, people and places that have impacted me.

Quote from Restless, p. 109

I have also been praying and making attempts to empty myself of my selfish desires, while at the same time, being open to what God has planned for me. This has been a difficult process. The more I emptied, the more broken I became. The more I sought clarity, the more confused I was. It was heart-breaking and mending all at the same time.

Also within the last two weeks, I have decided to participate in the 40-day challenge through Overcome the Lie. I participated in this challenge last spring and was blessed by the experience. Part of the challenge last spring was a 40-day fast, from something of your choosing. (You can read about last year's fasting experience here and here). 
As I thought about what to give up for the upcoming challenge, what became clear to me was that God was asking me to give up blogging, at least for those 40-days. As a way of reevaluating what this space is about and if it is something that I should continue to put my time, energy and heart into.

This is not an easy decision for me. To give up this space, even if only for a specified period of time will be difficult. Through this blog, I have been blessed in so many ways. Without this space I would never have...

- Gotten to know so many wonderful people -

- Had the opportunity to speak in front of over 400 women -

- Found two godly women to join in Bible study -

- Desired to become fashionable and actually enjoy how I look most days -

- Shared in birth stories and watched so many adorable babies grow as their mothers learn to care for them and themselves -

- Been able to share my faith so boldly -

- Learned many things about myself, some of which I knew before, but never admitted -

- Had a place to reflect on the reality of having a child that is different and all that that means, or has meant for me -

- Been able to say what I wanted without the fear of being judged -

- Learned that I may not actually be that different from the average woman -

But, there have also been some things about blogging that have negatively affected me, by consuming my thoughts and causing me to view my worth through number of comments and pageview stats. Through blogging, I've also...

- Become addicted to more involved in social media -

- Begun to think of my life in terms of blog posts, tweets and FB status updates -

- Woken up early to check emails, stats, etc - only to be disappointed by a limited to something that I poured my heart into -

 - Compared myself more with others -

- Wondered obsessed about how to get more interaction with the people I am writing for -

Writing is wonderful. Blogging is exhausting. Rereading what I write and feeling proud and impressed at the words that I spoke onto the page is energizing. Thinking about how to promote those words so others will read them too is draining.

I'm not sure how to continue blogging without doing some of these things. But, I'm also not sure that I'm ready to stop altogether. That's what this next 40-days is for. For me to speak to God, daily. Then, listen to what He has to say to me about this space. After all, it was His vision to begin with.

I also want you to know that during this time I do not intend to give up or take a break from the relationships I've made through blogging. I will still be reading and commenting on all my favorite blogs. I will be still reachable by email, and will be posting lots of photos on Instagram (of course). You will also see me posting or making appearances on a few other blogs this month, since I had already made the commitments to sponsor and/or guest post.

Now, as I leave this space quiet for the next 40-days, I have thought a lot about what the last words of this post should be. As usual, the word of God speaks the truth better than I ever could. So, I will leave you with the two verses that have inspired me lately...

Because your love is better than life, my lips with glorify you.

Psalm 63:3

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13

Brighten Your Day

If you are a blogger or have spent any time browsing around blog-land lately, you have probably seen the emergence of the Sunshine Award. This award is given to bloggers who's posts brighten your day.

SOURCE

I am both humbled and proud to report that in the past two weeks, I have been nominated three times for this award. I so appreciate Lauren, Jessah and Shannon and their support of my blog, in addition to nominating me for this award. 

The rules of acceptance:

1. Acknowledge the nominating blogger(s). (Thanks ladies!)

2. Answer 10 questions the nominating blogger has created for you.

3. List 10 bloggers that deserve the recognition and love.

4. Post 10 questions for the nominated bloggers to answer 

I have chosen the following ten questions, from the 30 created for me, to answer:

Where are you in birth order?  

I am the oldest of three girls. 

Favorite time of the year, and why? 

I love the fall and winter (even though I hate being cold). The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is my favorite. My house and life just seem so full during that time.

One thing you wish you knew in high school that you know now? 

That there would be a time when I would hardly remember the bad things that happened. And, that life would get much better.

Do you prefer bare feet or shoes? 

Even though I love shoes, I prefer to go barefoot (or with socks or slippers in the winter) around the house. One of the first things I do when I get home...take off my shoes.

Glass half empty or half full? Why? 

I am typically a half-empty kind of person. I try to go the half-full route, daily, but it takes more work for me to think that way. Plus, I'd much rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed.

Favorite food! 

Mexican is my all-time favorite cuisine. But, now that it's getting colder, I can't stop thinking about soups and chili. 

What do you do for work?  I work part-time as a school psychologist. My primary focus is with students with autism.
What is your favorite quote?  Be the change you want to see in the world. - Gandhi
What is a great book that you've read recently?  I haven't been spending much time reading books, lately. Most of my reading time is spent in the Bible or completing my Bible study. The last novel I read was Daddy's Gone a Hunting by Mary Higgins Clark.
How many different cities have you lived in?  As an adult, I have only lived in two different cities, both in California. I was born in Las Vegas, but we moved when I was eight months old.
And, now, here are the 10 bloggers I am nominating. Because having them in my life makes each day just a little brighter:
Amanda - My Love for Lyla Susannah - Simple Moments Stick Ashley - Dancing with Ashley Heather - The Mosbys in China Hannah - bouffe e bambini Angela - The Harrells on Hood Tiffany & Julie - Girls of God's Heart Ashley - Life on the Parson's Farm Shanna - Because Shanna Said So Katie - For Lauren and Lauren
Finally, the ten questions I have created for these lovely ladies to answer: 1.  What is your earliest childhood memory? 2.  What is your shoe size?  3.  Have you made your Christmas list? If so, what is on it? 4.  Coffee or tea? 5.  If you could take over the life of any celebrity, who would it be? 6.  What do you remember about the 80's? 7.  What was one good thing that happened to you, today? 8.  Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? If so, which team? 9.  What states and/or countries have you visited? 10.  Favorite board/card game.
I hope you will take the time to visit a few of my nominees, plus those who nominated me. It will brighten your day. I promise.

Old and New(s)

The other day I was searching for a blog post I had written about O's eating habits to share with a friend. When I found it, I realized that I had written it almost one year ago. A year later, we are still struggling with this, maybe even more so now than we were then.
I began to wonder...what else was I thinking and writing about this time last year? What did the first two weeks of September 2012 look like for me? How has my life changed since then?

OLD Last year, I wrote about the importance the church, and some of the positives and negatives about being a member of a church body. My stand on this issue remains the same..."As a church, we should gather with one common interest, and that's Christ, building a relationship with him, and building a kingdom of believers. A kingdom that is filled with love."
O's struggle with school was also on my mind a year ago. We have made progress, and for that I am grateful.
Similar to last year, I continue to struggle with focusing on my own needs and praying for myself. While I often excel at the "love your neighbor" part of the commandment, I tend to forget that the phrase "as yourself" comes at the end of that verse. 
Because I am not someone who thinks that dwelling in the past is a super-productive use of time, I also wanted to share some of the new (and exciting) things that are and will be happening in my life.
NEW(S) I am looking forward to making some small changes to my blog design. Even though it's only been eleven months since I acquired this look, I am ready for a change. I'm currently working with Chelsea and hope to reveal my updated look soon!
O had his first soccer practice on Wednesday. He loved it! I am excited for this new adventure with him.   I have been asked to be a contributing writer for the Unveiled Wife website. I am honored to be a part of a place that provides encouragement and support for women, as wives. Look for my first post sometime next month.   I love my new work schedule. I am currently working outside the home three days each week, which is a reduction from last year. It has been great to have more time to do "school stuff" with the kids, make dinner more often and be less stretched with work assignments.
I am currently working with Shanna to create another virtual closet. This time, for fall and winter outfits. I loved my experience the first time and am excited to see what wardrobe options Shanna will create for me.

So, what's new and exciting in your life? What has changed in your life since this time last year? I'd love to know!

Big Day

I'm celebrating two milestones today...
Today is the one-year anniversary of my first blog post! 
I really can't believe that I have been sharing with you for 12 months. So many wonderful things have happened as a result of this blog. It has been like having a fourth child, who I have enjoyed watching grow, develop and find it's voice in the blogosphere.
Speaking of children, the second milestone I am celebrating today is the 8th birthday of my middle child, my second daughter. 

Similar to what I did when my oldest turned ten, in honor of E's birthday, I would like to share with you eight things I love about her:
1. E is gifted in music. She creates and composes her own, loves to sing and play piano and guitar. Watching her when she is engrossed in her music, her joy is evident.
2. We have always called E our little comedian. Since she was a toddler, she desired to make us laugh, by telling jokes or just being silly.
3. Her passion, for life and everything in it is amazing. With this passion comes sensitivity, empathy and overwhelming love.
4. This girl loves God. She writes songs, draws pictures and makes books about this love. Through these things it is obvious that she understands much more about the saving power of Christ than a typical 8 year old.
5. Her cuddles. This girls loves hugs and kisses and just cuddling on the couch. 
6. E is the most thoughtful person I know. She is always making cards when her friends are down or when family is sick or just to say, "I love you." E is constantly thinking about others.
7. Her growth in academics has been outstanding. She has surpassed any expectations we had set for her. And, while she is proud, she would never boast about her accomplishments (well...except maybe to her big sister).
8. E is my helper. Whether it's by distracting playing with her brother or assisting with dinner, she enjoys being helpful. She is an invaluable member of our family.
Happy Birthday, E! I love you!!

Keep Breathing

This weekend, I began reading Carry on, Warrior by Glennon Melton. You know, the founder of Momastery. I'm sure you've heard of her.

In it she describes reading as inhaling and writing as exhaling. That is me. 
Reading and writing rejuvenate me. It's why I feel so at place in blog land. Because I can read and write here. I can share myself and learn about others.

***

I spent all last week inside the house with this odd virus. I had limited energy all week, but by Saturday was feeling much better.

However, after spending the better part of the day doing normal Saturday activities (e.g. laundry, dishes, cleaning up the house, etc), I found myself exhausted. So, I headed to the quiet of my room, with the hope of taking a nap.

I cuddled up in bed, and decided to read for a bit. I had started Carry on, Warrior in the morning, so continued reading from where I had left off. The first words I read that afternoon were, “Reading is my inhale and writing is my exhale." Yes.

I read a few more chapters and then decided I really did need to try and sleep. So, I laid my head down on my pillow and got nice and comfy. Do you know what happened? This post happened.

Not sleep. Instead, my head became filled with thoughts that I felt compelled to share. I couldn't sleep. Not now. Not when I needed to write.

I hadn't slept, yet I felt energized. Why? Because I had taken a deep breath. I had read words. Words that meant something to me. Words that made me feel like I belonged, like I was not alone. And, then, I wrote about those words, anticipating, hoping that you would not feel alone either.

I love reading. I love writing. While they are not the only things I love, they are essential for me. They are breath.

What is breath for you? If you don't know, I challenge you to figure it out. Then, once you discover it, take action.

Keep breathing, friends.

You can also find me here. Talking about being a person of influence.

Married to the Blog: You've Changed

The topic for today's Married to the Blog link-up is 
How has your wife/girlfriend changed since she started blogging?

When Sybil first approached me about writing for her blog, I thought “is she serious?”  After all, I hate writing…I’d rather do just about anything else. As most people I know can attest, I’d much rather have an actual conversation with people – about any topic – than try to eloquently put my words on paper. It’s about as enjoyable to me as watching golf on television would be to Sybil. 

One year ago, almost to the day, Sybil told me that she was going to start a blog.  My immediate reaction, I must admit, was one of near total shock. Now, my wife and I have been married for nearly 13 years…and have been together for over 18 years. There simply isn’t anyone I know better than her. 

Over the past couple of weeks since Sybil made this request, a million different ideas have come to my head about what I should write. Should I write about how much I love my wife? No, too sappy. Should I write about all the things we’ve done together and my favorite experiences we’ve shared over the years?  No, too hard to squeeze into a simple blog post. Should I write about how perfect my wife is for me?  No….too gaggy. Should I write about how imperfect she is?  Um, no…our couch isn’t comfortable enough for me to sleep on for an extended period of time.

In honor of Sybil celebrating her birthday today, I thought I’d take this opportunity to share a few of the many ways my beautiful wife has changed – and a few things I’ve learned – in the past year, in no particular order, as a result of her entering the “blog world.”

1.   She’s had her life transformed by intentionally bringing Christ into all that she does – at home, at work and everywhere in between.

2.   She’s becoming a social butterfly.  The woman who used to avoid casual conversation now hosts parties and Bible studies at our home, goes to concerts with her friends, and more.

3.   She’s become a true leader, from volunteering her time to important committees to leading those she works when they need it most.

4.   She’s learned how unbelievably rewarding it can be to leap headfirst into something you’re normally scared to do when you’re called to do it…starting this blog was just the beginning.

5.   She’s learned how to make 50 different outfits from two pairs of jeans, three button-up shirts and some duck tape. (Ok, no duck tape….but it felt like a very “MacGyver” thing to add).

6.   She’s become an even more amazing friend to those in her life who, in the past year, have needed her to be there for them in ways we could have never imagined.

7.   With free time in her schedule now devoted to the blog, she’s learned how to make the dishes and other chores that once used to be “her responsibility” my responsibility.  Still not sure how I feel about this one….ask me next year at this time.

8.   She’s become “the popular one” in our family.  Everywhere I go nowadays people – many of whom I don’t know all that well – tell me “I just love your wife’s blog” and “your wife has really helped me with her blog.”  She’s even had national blogs and international authors ask her to contribute to their works in the past year.   

9.   She’s the best cheerleader.  When I started a new business a year and a half ago, we knew it was a transition that would mean additional pressure on our finances, quality family time, and more.  It’s not always easy but, with the start of this blog, S has found an even greater appreciation for the time and energy I’ve put into the business lately….and an understanding that makes it easy for me to pursue this passion.   But nothing comes before our family, and…

10.   …she’s become an even better mom.  Her ability to transparently share her heart through her writing has led to an amazing ability to connect – through words and on paper – with our children in an equally powerful way. 

I am proud that Sybil is my wife…but I am even more proud to be her husband. Never has that statement been more true than it is after watching my wife over the past year.  

Can’t wait to see that the next year has in store for us…..Happy Birthday, Babe!

Now, it's your turn. Grab the button. Link your post below. 

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I am Horrible at This

First, I must apologize for the delay in responding to three lovely bloggers who nominated me for a Liebster Award. You may remember I was nominated for a Liebster Award by my friend, Jessica at Dreaming of Dimples, early in my blogging journey. Read about it here. At that time, the rules were simple...publicly thank the one who nominated you and nominate five others. Now, the rules are more complicated, which brings me to my second apology...
Second, I must apologize for not following the rules. 
The first rule is:   Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.  I just wrote the My First 13 post, which lists 13 random facts about me. I will link you to it here. 
The second rule is:   Answer the questions the tagger has set for you, then create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.  Out of the 33 questions I received (three awards!), I chose a total of 11 to answer. I will not be asking any questions.

The third rule is:   Choose 11 new bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.  While I wanted to recognize the women who nominated me by answering some of their questions and sharing their blogs with you, I will not be nominating any new bloggers. There are just so many blogs and my time for bloggy stuff is limited.  I know, horrible. Sorry.

I really am grateful to these women for nominating me for a Liebster Award. Check out their blogs and show them some love (to make up for my delay in thanking them and lack of following the rules) by leaving them a comment and/or following them. Rachel at Rachel's CountryRoots

Brittany at Britt’s Cozy Corner

SaraLeanne at Fake it Till You Make It

And now, the answers to their questions:

1. What is your favorite music?

I love listening to contemporary Christian music. 

Some of my favorite female artists are: Francesca Battistelli, Jamie Grace, Laura Story and Jenny Simmons.

2. If you could meet any blogger in real life, who and why?

I would love to meet Anna from An Inch of Gray. She seems like a very genuine person. 

When I read her blog, I feel like I'm having a conversation with her over a cup of tea. 

3. Where is the farthest you have traveled?

When I was a teenager, I traveled to Europe.

4. What do you drive?

I drive a Volkswagen Routan. It's a minivan. I love it! 

5. What is your favorite good cry movie?

Steel Magnolias.

6. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook.

7. What is your all time favorite TV show?

 The Cosby Show. 

We still watch re-runs and laugh hysterically.

8. What is your favorite movie?

Notting Hill.

9. Have you ever had a celebrity crush?

I use to love Ralph Macchio (The original Karate Kid).

10. Sweet or Salty?

Sweet.

11. What are you currently reading?

Submerged, by Dani Pettrey

Thanks so much for the nominations, ladies!

Where Are You?

If you're looking for me today, you will find me guest posting at Rambling Momma. I've written a fun post titled, It's a Big/Small Blogging World, which features my own insights into the the world of blogging.
Check it out here...