Sometimes it's Good to be Crazy

I am afraid that if I don't write this post, my reflection on the book, 7, by Jen Hatmaker, I will forget all the wonderful insights into the spiritual discipline of fasting this book provided, and will also lose my motivation to participate in a life which removes the excess.

I tweeted this on Monday, "Reading @JenHatmaker makes me feel a little less crazy, yet leaves me wanting to be a little more crazy!"

Right now, I am extremely enthusiastic about some pretty crazy plans. Plans to start a garden - growing all of my own vegetables - pray at least seven times every day, reduce my food and media intake, give away many of my possessions, and spend less. I know I will not do all of these things. But, I do desire to live a more disciplined life. One that involves less stress, less consumerism and more time spent focusing on people and things that mean something, not just in this life, but for eternity, as well.

I have had 7 on my bookshelf for awhile. Honestly, I was avoiding it. I didn't want to feel convicted. I didn't want to want to make radical changes to my life. So, I waited. Until I had nothing else to read. Finally, the local library and my monthly budget conspired against me. None of the books I had requested from the library were available for check-out and I purchased two swimsuits this month, which left me no more spending money for books. A conspiracy, I tell you.

There 7 sat, waiting for me. I was afraid of it. Afraid of what I might do to my heart and afraid that it would cause me to make promises I couldn't keep. But, I couldn't just leave it there, unread.

Essentially, this book is about fasting. It's about making room for God by removing and simplifying. It is not a prescription for life, it is an example of discipline and humanness, daily renewal and success for eternity.

"I approach this project in the spirit of a fast:  an intentional reduction, a deliberate abstinence to summon God's movement in my life. A fast creates margin for God to move...A fast is not necessarily something we offer God, but it assists us in offering ourselves." (p.4)

As evidenced by previous posts related to fasting from food and/or drink and from blogging for a period of time, I have a growing love and appreciation for fasting. 7 was the perfect way for me to learn more. To get another woman's perspective. A woman who is also nearly forty, who is married and raising children. A woman who, for 30-days, only wore seven items of clothing. Now, that's discipline. In fact, when I told my 11-year old, she was shocked. "You mean, seven outfits?" she said. Nope, seven items of clothing, which included two pairs of shoes!

What will I do? How will I offer myself more completely to God? I'm not sure yet.

Currently, I have set seven alarms on my phone, so that I may attempt to observe the Seven Sacred Pauses, remembering to pray specifically for the oppressed, for a daily resurrection of my soul, for peace, and in gratitude and praise.

I would also really love to grow my own fruit and vegetables, in a garden. But, seeing that I cannot keep any plant alive, no matter how much I try, I don't know how realistic this is.

The success or failure of any of this is dependent on what God wants for me. I expect that more will be revealed to me as time passes. 

What I know now, is that I'm interested in mastering the art of less stress, less spending, less waste, which will make room for more of Him.
What about you? What's keeping you from hearing the voice of God?

I'm Back + My First Vlog

The last 40 days have been like a mountain-top experience for me. I have read, watched, and studied so many amazing truths. It has been like a retreat for my mind and spirit. 

For the past 40-days I have been on a blog fast. During that time, although I was still present in social media, I did not blog, check pageviews or likes, or actively promote my blog.

Fasting is a spiritual discipline. It's about replacing the time you spend doing one activity (e.g. eating, social media browsing, or in my case, blogging) with time spent with God, in prayer, in study, etc. For me, fasting is not about giving up, it's about gaining intimacy with God. It's not about being deprived, but about seeking to be filled with Christ.

Lately, I've felt the need to be fed, spiritually. Anytime I can hear another woman speak, I do.I seek to read about what other godly women are saying and doing. In fact, I "attended" IF:  GATHERING from my home and watched over a dozen women writers and biblical scholars. It was incredible!  
Yet, I want more. Every day.
I've been doing Bible studies, reading books, and choosing passages of scripture to reflect on. I have had a desire to be immersed in the Word. To learn. To grow.

It's like a craving. This desire to know Him more. And, I can't imagine living in a state where I am not seeking him. To be out of his presence, to be in a state of ingratitude or indifference, feels wrong.
Jesus said, in John 7:37, "Anyone who is thirsty may come to me." And, when we do this, chose to quench our thirst, and be filled with Jesus, this "living water" that only He can give, will flow out of us. That is how we are designed, to be filled with God, so that we can offer that gift of Jesus to others.

During this time of fasting, my prayers have been for direction, for clarity in my purpose. God's response has consistently been, choose me. And, I have been working to do that...in every way I can.

For example, late in February, on one of my days off from work, I was mentally running through my to do list, when God stopped me. It was clear to me in that moment that I needed to make that day about what God wanted me to do. So, I asked Him. The answer was clear. Go to Mommy and Me, He said. This is a program at my church where mom's bring their toddlers and preschoolers. I have attended in the past with my own kids, but hadn't been there in years.

So, I sent a text to the woman in charge and asked if she needed my help. She said, yes. 
My friends, I had no idea why God was sending me there. But, I went anyway. There was record attendance that morning. I spoke to one mom about SPD. I was approached by a friend, who, without prompting, encouraged me to keep writing. I had fulfilled a need, I didn't even know existed. And, I never would have known if I hadn't thought to ask.

Also in the spirit of being obedient and of stepping out of my comfort zone, I am including a video in this blog post. Never thought I would do that. Hmmmm. Another one of those things that God spoke to me about. Make a vlog, He said.

It's a little shaky (and I'm talking very fast), but here it is anyway...

Another part of this fast, this seeking that I've been doing, has been to gain insight. To get answers about whether or not I should continue blogging. In my last post, I spoke of the positives and negatives of blogging and the struggles I face each time I hit publish.

I have learned that just because blogging is hard and just because it tests me, doesn't mean that I should stop doing it. In fact, it may even mean that I should embrace it even more. We can't avoid the things that cause us to inspect ourselves, to look deeper at who we are and what we are motivated by.
So, what does it mean to choose Him, in life or in blogging? It means, being willing to say yes. To whatever He asks. Whether or not He allows you to do it. Sometimes, God asks simply to get your attention, to test your readiness. It may not be comfortable. In fact, it may be downright scary.

God is asking, "Who are you? Will you be her?" 

Amena Brown Owen, Restless book club video

Who am I? I am not a person to shy away from challenges. At least, not anymore. So, why was I even contemplating leaving blogging? It wasn't because I didn't enjoy it or because I wasn't finding time for it. It was because keeping perspective was getting too hard.

When I really thought about it, I realized that I do hard things, everyday, so why should this be any different. Maybe, God is trying to teach me something in the challenging and difficult world of blogging. I have so much to learn.

Thorns push us to need God, and as I make my way through my thorns, I remember my humanity, my insecurity, my fear, my sin. 

I rustle through them all, knowing that through all this unbelief and fear and selfishness, he is on the other side. 

I wish it were easier. But then again, it would cost nothing and mean nothing if it were.

- Jennie Allen, Restless

Fast

Have you ever had been asked to give up something? A little over a month ago, I was. As part of the 40-day challenge through Overcome the Lie, I was asked to fast for 40-days, something of my choosing. Actually, it wasn't really my choice. I was to ask God what He desired for me to step away from.
If you read this post, you know that I felt that God was asking me to give up Starbucks. Why would God care if I purchase and drink Starbucks? It wasn't for some political or ethical statement. I believe it was simply because I had been spending too much time, money and energy focusing on it.

The second part of the 40-day challenge was to seek God and to be enveloped in His love. How would giving up Starbucks help me to experience God's love for me?
Because... When I fast from something, every time I see it or think of it, I am given the opportunity to pray. Since I pass by a least three different Starbucks everyday, I was given at least three more opportunities to seek God's purpose and to experience his love, everyday.
Also, the weather has warmed up over the past month, which means that my Starbucks favorites, like iced green tea and caramel frappuccino, have been on my mind a lot more lately.  The more I thought about my favorite drinks, the more I could turn my thoughts to what the Lord desires for me and for my life.

SOURCE

To me, fasting is not just a ritual or discipline. It's not just about sacrifice. It's about fixing my thoughts on God and His unending love. It's about shifting my focus from being self-serving to God-serving. It's about giving up something insignificant in order to gain something extraordinary.
This is only the third time in my life that I have chosen to fast. The first time was in April 2012.  Through that fast God spoke to me about starting this blog, and about using the gifts He had provided to do more to encourage and inspire others.
The second time came during a rough spot in my marriage. God spoke to me again, helping me to rediscover what He had intended for M and I. He provided me with courage and confidence in a time when I felt neither.
During this fast, I have begun to see God's love and vision for me. He loves me despite my failures.  In fact, it's because of those failures that I am able to see more clearly my need for Him. God desires for me to do great things. Even greater than I can imagine.
Through this challenge, God has spoken to me through that still, small voice. And, he has spoken to me through the words of His people.
I want to leave you today to with several quotes from emails, videos, and social media posts that I have received from Ashley, the founder and visionary of Overcome the Lie, during the 40-day challenge:
Whatever He tells you to do, do it. No more striving. You don't have to earn it. It's yours. Everything that you need is already inside of you because [He lives] inside you. Defeat is not an option. Only Jesus can heal, transform. Keep going.
I pray that these words provide you with hope and inspiration, so that you may also overcome.