What's Next?

This is a question that has been coming up a lot for me lately. 
I finished reading the Bible, now what? 
I have been blogging for nearly two years, do I have more to give? 
I spoke in front of over 400 women, what else may God have planned? 

I have been feeling drained by my job instead of energized as I used to, is it time for a change? If so, what's next?

Have you ever received one of those emails from Twitter, the ones which offer suggestions for who to follow? They say something like, "Suggestions based on [other people you already follow]." I typically ignore these emails. But, last week, I didn't. Instead, I looked at all the suggestions and even chose a few to follow.

One of those added to my "following" list was Jennie Allen. I had never heard of her, but was drawn to her message. Then, I discovered that she recently released a book, Restless: Because You Were Made for More. I read a little about the book and immediately ordered it. It was on my iPad for a few days before I opened it. But, when I did, I was hit with this,

“Our creative God has an infinite number of creative plans to make himself known through us, his image bearers, so he sent his Spirit to give unique visions to unique people to reach the world in unique and beautiful ways.”

“Figure out what it means to run after God. Throw off what is holding you back. Find and live your part in his story.”

While these are great quotes by themselves, they were even more meaningful after the conversation my husband and I had in the car on the way to Huntington Beach over the weekend. We talked about how I was feeling...unresolved, restless and like I was meant for more. We discussed my new passions and gifts and how the passions of years ago, the areas I felt I had always been called to, had been fading gradually. So much so that they had become draining rather than energizing.

We also talked about how to resolve these issues. It wasn't until my husband said this, "I think we have been trying to solve this on our own, coming up with our own solutions. I think it's time that we give it completely to God" that it hit me. Surrender all. Empty myself, so that He can fill me. Wasn't that what I wanted for 2014, to be filled with all that God had planned? Then, we prayed, with open hands, releasing it all.

After we prayed, I sat for awhile. Then, I started reading Restless. Quote after quote led me to realize that God wanted me to read this book. Needed me to read it. More quotes...

“Before we begin to dream, there is one foundation that must exist: surrender.”

“Until you are all in, you will only be capable of dreaming your own inadequate and small dreams. 

Because we are never free until we let go.”

“...God awakens and moves me toward more with a deep discontentment and an unsettling feeling of dissatisfaction. 

Many times when I longed for more, sure enough, he had more for me."

The thing is, I want more. But, what does that look like? I don't know yet. But, I know the message is clear...if I don't surrender it to Him, I may miss many great opportunities.

As the weekend progressed, more and more messages of seeking and surrender began to fill my time. Saturday morning, as I listened to Jen speak, this verse overwhelmed me,

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

Matthew 5:6 (NIV)

I could not stop thinking about it. The imagery of my desire, my hunger and thirst, being filled by God's plans and purposes. But, first I must be empty. I must release all that is me and replace it with all that is Him.

Yet another message from Saturday morning's service was from one of the worship songs. The song, by Hillsong United, is titled Oceans. This was the chorus...

Oh, to have trust without borders. And, to have faith enough to walk upon water.

Sorry this post is a bit of a jumbled mess, but that's where I am right now. I have no idea where any of this is going, but felt led to share this with you anyway.

As part of the One Thousand Gifts Devotional I recently started, I have begun a prayer journal. This was my prayer from several days ago,
LORD, help me to continue to that place where I empty myself before you.  Giving thanks in all and for all, so that you can fill me.  So that you will continue to take me to that place - where fear meets faith.  It's there that I will truly see you.  Where I can experience your love fully and know that you will always win.
Will you pray this with me?