The End, Again

Tomorrow is the first day of June. As an educator, that month holds a lot of meaning for me.
It signals the end of another school year. 
Although I am excited to be heading toward summer vacation,  the countdown to the end always makes me a little nervous. 
As of today, I only have five days of work left. Exciting? Yes. Stressful? Double yes.  The mad rush for me to wrap up all open cases, update progress reports for all my students and complete all my end of the year reports has begun.
Each year, May passes in a whirlwind. It has been no different this year. Consequently, many things in my life have been left neglected, or been limited by this craziness. 
One of the things that I have been satisfied with, is this space. So, I thought I would give you a re-cap of what happened here in May. Just in case you missed any of it.
MOST POPULAR

Expecting Stripes (Revisited) and a Bargain
FASHION

Behind the Blog {Fashion Posts} Follow the Rules
MOTHER'S DAY

Being a Mother {Self Interview} My Mom What the Kids Say
FAMILY

Day Two:  Confusion and Carousels Day Three:  Time to Go It's Not Over Yet
FAITH/REFLECTION

What Kind of Bird are You? Overloaded Saved One Summer Aches and Pains Fast REAL LIFE

Three Lessons (aka Whoops!) A Typical Day This is Real Life
OTHER Starts with O (Google Search Terms) I am nearing my 200th post here at Peace it all Together.  It is such a blessing that this continues to be a place where I can explore my thoughts freely, take risks, and share my heart with you, my readers. 
Only God knew this was possible. And, I am grateful to Him everyday for showing me the way here.

This is Real Life

I have read before about how many people only show the blissful, positive side of their lives on social media. I will admit...it's easier to take photos of the smiling faces, Pinterest successes, and stylish outfits. 
I mean, how awkward would it be for me to be fishing in my purse for my camera while my five year old is near tears. Plus, imagine the difficulty of taking a photo of the sarcastic tone of a tween or the sighs of an eight year old.
However, in an effort to keep the social media experience I provide true to my life, I recently started using the hashtag #thisisreallife on Instagram. I guess it's my way of telling the world my Instagram followers, that my life, and life in general, is not perfect. And, that's okay.
I share my life here, on this blog, and through social media, in order to build a community of people who desire encouragement and inspiration. As a result, it is important to me that my readers know that I am authentic. What you see, is what you get, imperfections and all.
Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them...Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:9-10
Here are some of my recent real life moments...

FAMILY PHOTO
SINK FULL OF DISHES
SPOON IN THE BLENDER - WHOOPS
WON'T SMILE FOR A SELFIE
LUNCH AT THE ZOO

Have you captured any of these types of moments with your camera lately? If you have an Instagram account, tag your photos with #thisisreallife, so we can continue to be genuine with each other.



LINKING UP WITH

Fast

Have you ever had been asked to give up something? A little over a month ago, I was. As part of the 40-day challenge through Overcome the Lie, I was asked to fast for 40-days, something of my choosing. Actually, it wasn't really my choice. I was to ask God what He desired for me to step away from.
If you read this post, you know that I felt that God was asking me to give up Starbucks. Why would God care if I purchase and drink Starbucks? It wasn't for some political or ethical statement. I believe it was simply because I had been spending too much time, money and energy focusing on it.

The second part of the 40-day challenge was to seek God and to be enveloped in His love. How would giving up Starbucks help me to experience God's love for me?
Because... When I fast from something, every time I see it or think of it, I am given the opportunity to pray. Since I pass by a least three different Starbucks everyday, I was given at least three more opportunities to seek God's purpose and to experience his love, everyday.
Also, the weather has warmed up over the past month, which means that my Starbucks favorites, like iced green tea and caramel frappuccino, have been on my mind a lot more lately.  The more I thought about my favorite drinks, the more I could turn my thoughts to what the Lord desires for me and for my life.

SOURCE

To me, fasting is not just a ritual or discipline. It's not just about sacrifice. It's about fixing my thoughts on God and His unending love. It's about shifting my focus from being self-serving to God-serving. It's about giving up something insignificant in order to gain something extraordinary.
This is only the third time in my life that I have chosen to fast. The first time was in April 2012.  Through that fast God spoke to me about starting this blog, and about using the gifts He had provided to do more to encourage and inspire others.
The second time came during a rough spot in my marriage. God spoke to me again, helping me to rediscover what He had intended for M and I. He provided me with courage and confidence in a time when I felt neither.
During this fast, I have begun to see God's love and vision for me. He loves me despite my failures.  In fact, it's because of those failures that I am able to see more clearly my need for Him. God desires for me to do great things. Even greater than I can imagine.
Through this challenge, God has spoken to me through that still, small voice. And, he has spoken to me through the words of His people.
I want to leave you today to with several quotes from emails, videos, and social media posts that I have received from Ashley, the founder and visionary of Overcome the Lie, during the 40-day challenge:
Whatever He tells you to do, do it. No more striving. You don't have to earn it. It's yours. Everything that you need is already inside of you because [He lives] inside you. Defeat is not an option. Only Jesus can heal, transform. Keep going.
I pray that these words provide you with hope and inspiration, so that you may also overcome.

It's Not Over Yet

This weekend, we took the opportunity for some family time and couple time. It was truly wonderful!
Because the girls and I were off school on Friday, we got an early start on the weekend. On Friday morning, we got up early and headed to our home-away-from-home, Sacramento. We used to live there, M has an office there, and we visit there often. We stayed at our hotel, went to our restaurant, and visited our train museum. These things are a part of our Sacramento routine.
Since M had to work on Friday, and I didn't want to spend all day in the hotel, I decided to take the kids to the zoo and Fairytale Town. We visited both of these last summer and really enjoyed them.

What I love most about revisiting places like this, that we don't go to on a regular basis, is that it enables me to see O's progress. Only a year ago, there were so many things he wouldn't do, like go through the reptile house, walk the crooked path, climb the higher play structure. But, this time, he did all those things. Were there still things that he wouldn't do? Things that would be appropriate and typical for a boy his age? Of course.  But, there was progress. There is progress, every day.

After a busy morning outside, we checked into our hotel, changed into our swimsuits and went to the pool. Now, this is something that I don't usually do with the kids. Swimming is not my favorite activity. But, again, in the interest of not spending time in the hotel room, I decided it would be worth it. 
O has never taken swim lessons. Each summer there have been reasons not to take that plunge. I'm not sure that this summer will be much different. Because, while he likes being in the water, he is not completely comfortable and will not submerge his face or any part of his head.

While in the pool, I had a discussion with O about taking swim lessons. His response, "I will do it when I'm big." I reminded him that he is five now, which IS big. He decided that eight would be the perfect age. We shall see...
After the pool, we spent two hours relaxing in our room before it was time to pick up M from work. We went to dinner and came back to the hotel. M and the girls headed to the pool again, while O and I relaxed and got ready for bed. As he unpacked his suitcase, in order to find his pajamas, I discovered how many of his stuffed animals he brought on the trip. This boy loves his stuffed stuff.

On Saturday, we visited the railroad museum and took a 45-minute train ride along the Sacramento River. Then, we began our drive home.
As we drove, I realized that we had made it the whole trip without listening/watching anything related to Thomas the Tank Engine. Instead, it was Veggie Tales and Toy Story (1, 2, & 3).  Progress!
Sunday afternoon, M and I were able to take some time to ourselves, away from the kids. We did dinner and a movie...in reverse order. 

We saw Iron Man 3, which I did enjoy, even though every female I talked to earlier in the day, including my daughters, tried to convince me it was a guy movie. While there was more action and violence than I would prefer, it was also funny and entertaining. There is just something about the Tony Stark character that is endearing.

 By 6:00pm, we were done with the movie, dinner and dessert. I think that I must be 78, not 38, as evidenced by the crowd that was outside the frozen yogurt shop when we arrived.

Even so, it was an enjoyable afternoon and was good for the two of us to get some time alone. Just riding in the car, without the sound of three children singing their favorite Veggie Tales song was a treat.
The great thing about a holiday weekend, is that it is longer, which means that we will get some extra time, not only to get our typical weekend stuff done, like grocery shopping, laundry, etc, but for train rides, short trips, and date nights afternoons. We will also get to enjoy a BBQ poolside at my sister's house on Monday. 
Yay for a long weekend! And, it's not over yet...

Aches and Pains

Monday was a difficult day at work. Some days, I work with students who have little to no control over their behavior. Monday was one of those days. 

It would not be fair for me to share details. But, what I can say is that Monday was both physically and emotionally draining and damaging.

The funny thing is, I was okay when I was at work. It wasn't until I got home and tried to get settled into the evening routine that I found myself just wanting to be alone. 

There was a delay in the pain. The aches of the day took several hours to appear. 

I liken this to exercise.

On Saturday, I walked three miles. The past few weekends I had only walked two miles. But, this past Saturday, I needed the extra mile. While, it took longer and I was a bit more tired than after the two miles, I didn't really notice a marked difference until the next day. It was on Sunday, that my muscles began to ache and my body felt the effects of that extra mile.

On days like Monday, it is impossible for me to leave what happens at work, at work. It is on days like these that I feel the most inadequate. I have not succeeded at work. I have not shown love at home. It is not fair.

This is what I have noticed about most Mondays. Because of the stress and trauma that I experience at work, I am less than who I should be for my family at home, in the evenings. I notice that I am less patient, more irritable, less tolerant, and easily angered. 

So, how do I prepare for the aches and pains of a rough day that work, that I know will plague me once I get home?

I can search for perspective. It's just one day. Not a lifetime. The bruises and soreness will pass. The weight of the emotions will lighten. 

I can wait. I should delay each and every response to my family, so that I can evaluate it. I need to determine if I am responding to my own children, or the children that have caused me pain that day.

I can pray. God knows what I need, and I should really be asking Him to deliver me from my aches and pains. Or, if deliverance is not an option, I should be asking for a way to push these damages aside, so that I can be present for my family, in a genuinely loving way.

Similar to the pains of exercise, which help to build muscle and keep me healthy and fit, the pains of life are of benefit to me as well. They help shape me and teach me things that I may not have otherwise learned.

I need to remember these things. 

Saved One Summer

Summer is coming. That means many things in my house. It means no school for the girls. No work for me. And, it means Vacation Bible School (VBS).

I wrote last year about O's first experience with VBS at our church. It was challenging, tear-filled and took all of my energy to get through the week. 

Yet, sitting with O last year, at the end of the week, as he sang about God's love and Jesus' power, it felt like all the struggles had been for a purpose. As I think about this year, I wonder if I will feel the same.

As a result, I have been reflecting about my own VBS experiences. I remember one year in particular. The one when I first felt the overwhelming desire for God's love and asked Jesus to reside inside of me.

ME - AGE 7

I was seven. I can still see myself, sitting in a large group, yet alone. In a park. Throughout that week, I had sung about various animals, like penguins and Galapagos turtles, having no idea how God would speak to me on that final day.

I can't remember the exact words the speaker used, but the invitation was presented. If you want to have the Holy Spirit dwell within you, pray this simple prayer. I didn't have to say it aloud, just to myself and God. So, I did it. That day, I became a Christian.

While I am continuing to be refined, the gift that I accepted that summer, saved me. In that instant, my sin - past, present and future - was forgotten.

Over the years I have re-committed myself as a follower of Jesus. Redemption, salvation, rescue, restoration...it's all a process. The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, I made the decision to be baptized, to make a public statement about my faith. 

I am grateful to have been raised in a family that valued a relationship with God, that made attending church and praying at bedtime and mealtimes a priority. But, ultimately the decision to become a Christian and to continue along that path was mine. Not my family's. 

In the same way, I can't control that decision in anyone...not my relatives, not my children, and not you. It's a personal decision that each individual must choose on their own.

I can only share. I can share my story. The story of following a God that is all-knowing and all-powerful, yet loves me more than I can even imagine. The story of a God who is awe inspiring, yet deeply personal. 

It is that God gave His son as a sacrifice for me, and for you. 

Incredible.

God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

John 3:17 (NLT)  

What the Kids Say

Today, for the last May is for Moms link-up post, I interviewed my children. They had to answer five questions about me and my relationship with them. 

E - age 8  //  A - age 10  //  O - age 5

I think their answers accurately reflect their age and stage in life, personalities and areas of interest perfectly. Tell me what you think?
What is your favorite thing that you and I do together? A - Shopping E - Getting our nails done O - Play trains
What is something important I have taught you that you will always remember? A - Puberty isn't a big deal E - Don't disobey O - I don't know
What is your most special memory about me? A - You like to have dance-offs with me [on the Wii] E - You're my mom O - I don't have any memories
What is something nice I always say to you? A - You look nice E - I love you O - I love you
How are you and I the same? How are we different? A - We are both tall. Our hair and eye color. E - We both have blue eyes. You're older than me. O - We have the same arms. We have different size necks.

P.S. In case you missed it, my May group giveaway runs until Friday, May 24th.

LINKING UP WITH

Overloaded

That's how I've been feeling lately. Overloaded. I've been content, but not overjoyed. Not really stressed or frazzled. More like a washing machine that has been filled beyond it's capacity. Sluggish and working inefficiently. 

If I could only get more organized. Write a list of things I need as they run out, instead of relying on my failing memory once I get to the store. 

If only I could look at my calendar at least a week in advance, instead of checking each day as it comes.

M ordered me my favorite flowers for Mother's Day. Tulips. They arrived in a box. I had never received flowers in a box before.

There were at least two dozen purple tulips that had been denied sunlight or water for as long as it took them to be shipped from their original destination. They were not dead, but they had not yet reached their full potential. Still beautiful. Still loved. But, a little sad and droopy.

This has been me. I'm here. I'm functioning. I'm staying connected to God, to my family, and this blog. I'm still writing. Yet, I have put myself in a box. The box is filled with stuff. But, is there anything there that is providing me light, nourishment or strength?

Most days, I'm not sure I even know what it is that I need. The only thing I am certain of is that it is constantly changing. Maybe I need...more time in the Bible, more exercise, more meaningful conversation with my family, more cuddles with my kiddos. Or maybe I need to be...making lunches in the evenings, following a budget, giving myself a manicure, planning and cooking meals. 

I want to be filled with life. Not beyond my capacity, but to my and it's fullest potential. I know that I can't be everything to everyone every day. Maybe I just need to be something to some one every day. Some days that someone may be me. 

Several months ago, I started a study on prayer. One of the main principles that I took from that study was this:  "we get what we ask for, when we ask according to God's will." In other words, before you start rambling off your requests to God, ask Him to reveal what He wants for you. 

This same theme has come through in the emails I have been receiving from Ashley as part of the 40-day challenge. She reminds us, almost daily, to seek the Lord's wisdom, His love and His desires for our lives, above and before all else.

My goal is to start doing this daily, multiple times. To ask God what He desires for me for that day, that moment. 

How can I be filled today, Lord? What is it that will nourish and sustain me, without making me feel overloaded?

AFTER LESS THAN 24 HOURS EXPOSED TO LIGHT AND WATER, MY TULIPS LOOKED MUCH DIFFERENT.
THEY WERE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL. THEY HAD BEEN TRANSFORMED.

***

I wrote this post on Sunday afternoon, but didn't have time to add the pictures, edit and post it. 

I woke up Monday morning and decided to try doing Monday a little different. I started the day by asking God what He had planned for me. I asked him to tell me, show me, reveal to me His plan for the day.

I felt so much lighter. The weight of the day was no longer on me. I didn't have to decide what to do or when and how to do it. It was revealed to me throughout the day. Motivation returned. Tasks were accomplished. I was filled, but not over-full.

Now, the challenge...continue seeking God's plan for each day, within the big and the small.

Seek God's will in all you do and He will show you the path to take. 

Proverbs 3:6

My Mom

Mother's Day. The day that we celebrate motherhood. It's the day we recognize our own mothers and our children, if we have them, honor us. 

Today, as part of this week's May is for Moms link-up, I will turn this post over to my mom.
How did you feel the moment you found out you were pregnant with me? I was thrilled!! Then nauseous. I threw up, then called dad with the great news!  We came home that weekend to let everyone know we were expecting.
Was I a wonderful surprise or carefully planned? You were most definitely planned.  The wonderful surprise was that I got pregnant so quickly.
What was the most challenging time in my childhood? Why? I would have to say when you were in 3rd grade. You were so scared about being at school.  I knew I had to make you go, but many days I cried all the way to work and worried about you all day.  Not sure if you remember, but I put notes in your lunch for a couple of months.  Thank God for your Cabbage Patch doll.
Did you worry more about me as a child or now that I am an adult? That's a hard one, until recently I would say more when you were a child. You were so shy and so many people and situations frightened you. I wasn't sure how to handle the "shyness".  I worry about you now, that you worry so much about O.  I know that your life is not so easy, but I am so proud of you and the path that God has you on!  You're a great mom.  Many days when I read your blog, I cry because of the fears that I know you have!
What is one thing that you thought was deeply important when I was a baby that you now realize did not matter at all? The whole schedule thing. the pediatrician was adamant about it....not only how often you ate but even when to start on solids etc. He (Dr.) made me nervous because of the fact that we lived in the dessert. He told me I had to run humidifier and use saline drops at night. If I forgot I was sure you would not be breathing in the morning.  [My mom] was a life saver...do what works best for you was her motto.  It wasn't until [your sister] was born that I paid more attention to [my mom] than the Dr.

Thanks mom! I love you! Happy Mother's Day!!

LINKING UP WITH

A Typical Day

In a previous post, I introduced a new option for you, my readers, to ask me questions, give me suggestions for post ideas and submit prayer requests. 
My blogger friend, Carolynn, asked me to write a post in which I chronicled my typical day. Last summer, I wrote a similar post. But, since my summer days are not anything like my school days, and since I have so many new readers, I decided it would be fun to share a whole day with you.
So, on Wednesday, I took photos, throughout my day, in an effort to capture for you...my typical day.

4:45 am  - Wake up. Change into workout clothes. 30-minute exercise routine on the Wii. 5:45 am - Look at my style boards, which Shanna created for me, so that I can decide what to wear.6:15 am - Post shower, pre-make-up photo. (Looking at this photo, now, I am thinking, this robe is old. I bought it before A was born, more than ten years ago. I had never worn a robe before, but it was on the list of "things to pack in your hospital bag" so I bought one.)6:30 am - Pack lunches. Four of them. Also, this particular day I was actually organized and put dinner in the crock pot before leaving for work. Pork ribs with BBQ sauce. Yum.7:15 am - My daily bathroom selfie. I take one nearly every day, when I don't have time to have one of my girls take a photo of me outside.7:28 am - Leave the neighborhood. Headed to work.7:45 am - Breakfast in the car. Found these BelVita biscuits in chocolate. Who doesn't like chocolate for breakfast?8:00 am - My rolling cart (aka office) comes out of my car. Time to get the work day started.

8:30 am - Prep for social skills groups, which I conduct all morning. 12:15 pm - My lunch. Chicken salad with avocado sandwich, white peaches and peach/mango green tea.3:00 pm - The afternoon is winding down. From this photo, it is obvious that I get very thirsty at work and that I am a multi-tasker.4:30 pm - Get ready to head home, after filling my car up with gas.5:00 pm - Pick up the kiddos from my mom's house. 5:45 pm - Ate dinner. Sorry, no photo. I was more than half-way finished eating when I realized I hadn't taken a photo of my plate. Oops!6:20 pm - Heading to church to see my E get recognized for her achievements in the Awana program this year.7:45 pm - Celebrating on the way home from church by stopping for frozen yogurt.9:00 pm - Watching Dancing with the Stars on my DVR while my hubby was on the phone with AT&T trying to block the number of the crazy person who kept texting me inappropriate photos all day.9:30 pm - Fall asleep on the couch. Okay, I wasn't asleep...yet. But, it wasn't long after I snapped this fake sleeping photo of myself, that I was actually asleep.
***If you are interested in seeing me write on a particular topic, have a prayer need or a question you want me to answer, fill out the form, here. 
Looking forward to hearing from you!

What Kind of Bird are You?

My house is full of windows. It's one of the reasons we decided to buy it. There are many large windows, which make the house feel very open.

Most of the windows have some kind of covering, whether blinds or curtains. However, there are a few of the smaller, higher windows that aren't covered.    Several months ago, I was taking a bath in the master bathroom and heard a knocking noise. It wasn't like a person knocking with a fist, but more of a tapping, like the sound a fingernail would make on plastic or glass. It stopped after several seconds.     I forgot about it until a few days later, when I was in the same bathroom, getting ready for work. This time, however, I could see the window, the one high above the bathtub. At the window was a bird, trying to tap it's way in.    We've had birds fly directly into our windows before. In the family room, there are six large windows. On various occasions, I have been sitting on the couch and have been surprised by the sound of a bird flying head-on into our windows. Let's just say, they don't usually fly away unharmed.    Have you ever walked into a window? One of those windows that is so clean that you miss it because there is no hand-print or water-spot evidence that it's there. This wouldn't happen with a door, right? They are not transparent.   The phrase, "you make a better door than a window" is coming to mind. Windows are designed to see through. Doors are designed as barriers. 
So, which type of bird are you?   The bathroom window bird moves cautiously instead of head on. After all, there may be something there he doesn't see. It looks like a clear path, but something is keeping him from flying straight through. Maybe it's a small voice inside his head that's begging him to be cautious.
  In contrast, the family room window bird is reckless, moving without caution. It looks clear, so he trusts his view. Maybe he has the voice too, but he doesn't listen to it. This bird assumes he knows best.  
Instead of a window, wouldn't it make more sense to find a door? Even though you can't see inside, at least you know you can get in through it. Does it take more faith to go through a door? After all, you don't know what is behind it.
Most of the time, I prefer to get a look in the window before I try to get in through a door. I may be the tapping bird for awhile, trying my own ideas, my own way to get in. I may even come back to the window numerous times before I realize that this is not an effective way to get what I want. Fortunately, I have rarely flown recklessly into the window, without listening to my internal voice. But, it has happened.
Jesus said,

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."

- Matthew 7:7, 8 (NLT)

There have been many times when I have been leery of entering an uncertain time or season in my life. So, instead of knocking boldly, I have tapped at the window. I need to go through the door, but I am afraid because I don't know what will be behind it when it is opened for me.

Are we afraid to knock? Would we rather remain at the window, where we have a small glimpse of what is on the other side, instead of knocking loudly at the door, so that God can open it for us?