M and I did not live near our family at that time. So, we were traveling to visit our mothers that weekend. Friday, before we left, I took a pregnancy test, hoping that I would be pregnant. The test was negative. I was disappointed, devastated. Because, even though I had tried hard not too, I had built up the excitement of being pregnant for Mother's Day. I expected to be.
I sat in church that Sunday in pain. Not a physical pain, but an emotional one. Some people knew. Others didn't. But, no one said anything. That was okay. I didn't want anyone to. Even though the words would have been intended for comfort, I knew, because of how I felt, that they would have seemed empty and meaningless.
I wish I could say that God spoke to me that day. That he met me in my grief and disappointment. But, he didn't. Maybe because I didn't let him. I struggled that day. It seemed like I deserved to, even though, looking back, I know that I didn't.
Fortunately for me, my story had a happy ending. I was pregnant that weekend. The pregnancy test I took later that week was positive, and nine months later I experienced the birth of my oldest daughter.
As Mother's Day approaches for this year, I have been thinking a lot about my friends who are struggling with infertility or those who have lost their children to death. Those who desire to be mothers and those who are mothers to children who they can no longer hold or hear say, I love you.
These women are on my heart. This weekend we recognize mothers, and because of their situations, that celebration will be painful. I do not want to speak meaningless or empty words here. I simply want to recognize the brokenness and respond with God's love.
I am praying this week for my friends. And, I am asking you to do the same. Pray for someone you may know personally or generally for "women who are experiencing infertility" or "mothers who have suffered loss."
Expect grief. Pray for miracles. Experience peace.
4 comments:
I can only imagine the grief that a woman has when losing a child. I feel like it would be the worst thing ever. :( Praying for the women in my life who have experienced this, and also for you friend!
Thank you for this beautiful post, and for the reminder to pray for women who are hurting.
Ah.. that's so good Sybil. Thank you for that reminder to pray this weekend...
It always touches me deeply when people stop to recognize those of us who've loved a child in our hearts for years but have never seen their face. Who may never see their face. Thanks for writing this, Sybil.
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