Food, Friends & Fellowship

Last night I hosted my third IF: Table. I haven't shared here about my personal observations from these gatherings because each time I have struggled with how to put the experience into words. This time is no different. Except that, I felt compelled to give you a glimpse into what it has been like to gather women in my home, from all areas of my life, past and present, and have meaningful conversation about ourselves and our God.

When I first heard of IF: Table, I loved the idea behind it. Women being more intentional about their relationships, gathering together to empower and encourage one other, all in the name of Christ. Sounds great, doesn't it? 
While I was in love with the idea, I wasn't sure it was for me...for several reasons. I dislike cooking. I would have to clean my house. Where would my family go? Who would I invite? It would feel awkward and uncomfortable. And, the list went on.

Still, I couldn't shake that voice inside that urged me to try it. To step out in faith. To risk. So, I went into the first evening thinking, I will try this once and when it doesn't go well, I won't have to do it again. And, as I planned the event, I was pretty sure that's how it was going to go. There were last minute cancellations. I was supposed to have six ladies and I only had four. Things just weren't working out the way I had planned. 
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9 
The Lord worked in mighty ways that night, and in the nights to follow. He gathered the perfect groups and brought together women from all circumstances. I have ended each night knowing that God was in our midst. That he had orchestrated everything - every person, every word, every interaction. 

However, the beauty and encouragement has not been without resistance. As I walked this morning and reflected on last night's dinner, I began to doubt. I thought about my own words from the previous evening, which had felt awkward and confused. It was then that God encouraged me, You have obeyed. I will take it from here. Let it go. Trust me. Then, that became my prayer, not that I had changed the lives of any one woman, but that God would use the experience to speak into their lives. Now or in the future. 

If you are the hostess-type or even if you're like me and the thought of hosting an event like this makes you uneasy, I would encourage you to try it. Just once. Invite a few ladies over for dinner or lunch.  Download the question cards and see where the Lord leads your conversation. Even if you only do it once, it will be worth it. You won't regret the experience. 

Remain

There was a period of time in my life when I didn't write. It didn't put my thoughts on paper or truly explore the deepest part of me. I have been thinking on that time recently. At first, I was frustrated. Frustrated that I hadn't used my gifts. That maybe I hadn't been obedient, hadn't been fulfilling my responsibility as a follower of Christ.

Then, something a friend said made me rethink my feelings. She was talking about a dark time in her life. About how she needed that time. Although it was a time when she was broken and wounded, without it, she would not have needed and accepted God's deep healing.

I thought about the period of time when I didn't write. What was I doing instead? It was early in my marriage. We were attending church. I was reading the Bible and attending Bible study. My work was my passion. I had two baby girls. I moved back home and was working for a new school district. It wasn't dark. I was satisfied, but my relationship with God wasn't deep.

Then, it went dark. We had a beautiful baby boy. But, I couldn't shake the idea that something was wrong. I was depressed. I loved him, but suffered with feelings of guilt because I wasn't sure that having a third child was the right thing. I couldn't care for him. I wasn't doing anything right.

This led to more questions, more anxiety, and more withdrawal. From my marriage, my life, and my God. I questioned the value of prayer to a God who already knew what was going to happen. Who was I to ask for change when the story of my life was written by Him before I was even born. Now, this concept, of God's omniscience, is comforting to me. Then, it was paralyzing.

I couldn't pray. I didn't see the value in it. So, I went into fix it mode. I poured my life into my son. He became my passion. My mission. I learned as much as a could about his condition. I took him to classes and therapies. It was all I thought about, how to help him.

Instead of abiding in Christ, resting in his love, grace, mercy and peace, I was striving - working to find answers. Answers that may have been revealed to me had I waited on God. At that time, I was trying to do life on my own, working apart from my Heavenly Father.

In John 15, Jesus uses the analogy of a vine and it's branches to explain our perfect relationship with him. In this passage he stresses the importance of remaining in him, for without that closeness, that connectedness to the vine, we cannot bear fruit and consequently are not bringing glory to God.

All of my working and striving...it was because I did not trust. I was not filled with joy, as is promised in John 15:11. I was not bearing fruit. I was afraid. God had handed me something big and messy and instead of offering it back to him, believing that he could use it to work good in my life, I separated myself from and fought against him.

It was a time of pruning in my life. And, I believe I needed it in order to let God back in with complete trust. Like my friend, without that period of doubt and distrust, my journey would be incomplete. God knew that. And, he patiently waited for the time when I would return to him. When I would reconnect with the true vine and begin bearing fruit once again.

We are not meant to live this life on our own, apart from God. We have been chosen as his people, for a purpose. In order to fully live, we must stay connected to him. If we can't or won't for a period of time, he will wait for us to return. And, when we do, he will mend our brokenness and rejuvenate our withered branches with his love, so that we may be fruitful again.

Make Time

I am a firm believer in the idea that a person cannot truly feel fulfilled unless they are using the gifts and passions God has birthed in them. No matter who we are, or what our roles are in this life, I don't think that God wants us to sit idle with our gifts, but instead desires that we put them to use. To benefit others, to align ourselves with his purpose, and to bring us joy. 
Watching this video from Q Nashville, featuring Shauna Niequist, had me even more convinced of this. The video is about being a woman and being a mother. But, more than that, it's about being true to yourself, following your calling, and using your gifts...and what your children, spouse, family and friends can learn when you do.

  After watching the video, I started thinking about my mom and her gift of hospitality. Although my mom has told me many times that she always wanted to be a mother and never felt the need for a career, the circumstances of our life required for her to work outside of the home for most of my childhood. However, that didn't stop her from using her gifts.

The definition of hospitality is the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers. Growing up, we always had people in our home. We hosted dinners, parties, exchange students and family who had no place to go. I have many sisters in other countries, who, thanks to Facebook and email, are still able to communicate regularly with our mom. Our holiday celebrations often included those who needed a family to celebrate with. And, when I was a teenager I spent lots of time hanging out with my friends at our house, where most of my friends called my mother, mommy-T instead of Trish. 
These are the times when I saw my mom flourish the most. Although preparing for the dinners, parties and house guests wasn't always the most fun for us kids - too much housework to do! - I could see the joy that it brought my mom. She liked being needed in that way. It was her passion.
My mom never had to tell me that hospitality was her gift. As soon as I came to the place in my spiritual journey where I learned about spiritual gifts, I knew immediately.
Then, there came a period of time when my mom was not actively pursuing opportunities to use her gift of hospitality. Without telling too much of a story that is not mine to tell, I will say that I could tell a difference. I was afraid to say anything to her. Yet, God kept urging me to. Finally, I did. And, you know what, she already knew. I believe that God had been speaking to her too.
“The root of anxiety is a sense of unfulfilled responsibility.” - Viktor Frankl 
Are you feeling lonely, anxious or discouraged? Are there gifts or passions you have that you're not using? 
If so, make time for them. Make time for God to use you.

Plans

There are several things that have become increasingly important to me over the past two years. One of those is reading my Bible - every day. Last year, I challenged myself to read the entire Bible in a year, using the One Year Bible plan. When I first started, I enjoyed my time in the Word, but as time passed, reading the daily scripture passages became more about checking off something from my to-do list than anything else.

After I finished the plan in January, I was unsure how to keep myself reading the Bible. I didn't want to read a verse here and there, I wanted to read through it again, but on my own time frame. Mostly so that I could take more time with each passage or book and not feel like it was a part of my have to instead of my want to.

That's when I decided to take some cues from my husband and re-read through each book, but in an order of my choosing - or, more accurately, at God's prompting - and at a more relaxed and comfortable pace. Since I began, I have found a new joy in scripture, in all parts of the Bible.

I recently finished the book of Jeremiah. While there are many things that God revealed to me while reading this book, there is one that I want to focus on today. 

Jeremiah 29:11. It is a verse that gets quoted often. In fact, I have quoted it myself. Specifically in times of hardship or struggle or in periods of life when I feel restless to make changes or fear the start something new. However, while reading through the book of Jeremiah last month, I gained a new understanding of this verse and the story that surrounds it.

The story of the prophet Jeremiah started approximately 670 years after Israelites escaped slavery in Egypt. It was at this time that God exiled his people from the very land that he had promised them. However, in spite of being removed by force into unfamiliar territory, God urged his people to get comfortable and work in peace in the land of their exile. Why?

Because, this was not a short-term thing. They would be there for 70 years. It was only after that time that the Lord would be returning them to their home, the Promised Land. He said to them...

"Build homes and plan to stay. Plant gardens and eat the food they produce. Marry and have children...And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you to exile. Pray to The Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare." 

- Jeremiah 29:5-7

The Lord planned to prosper the people of Israel and Judah, but they had to wait. Not only wait, but become content and find peace in their current circumstance.

The other piece of the puzzle comes in verses 12 and 13...

"In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you," says the Lord.

God does not just plan good things for us, he plans for us to be in relationship with him. We can speak and he will listen. When we search, we will find him. God is not a conductor without an orchestra or a manager without a staff. We have a part in this too.

One evening, a few weeks ago, Matt and I had a conversation over dinner. I told him I felt like a failure because I didn't know what to do next. He just looked at me, with complete confusion and asked, "Do you really think you're not doing anything?" Then, he proceeded to list all the things I am doing currently.

He also brought up the idea of being still, of waiting on God to reveal the next step of his plan. He said, "Now that you've said you're open to anything, wait for God to bring you opportunities. Then, say 'yes.'" 

You see, for me, it is often the fear of not doing enough or enough of the right thing that causes me to feel restless. During these periods, it's as if movement equals purpose and that the absence of movement equals uncertainty and doubt. But, that is not what God says. He urges us to be still in the knowledge of who He is - eternal, holy, love, healer and provider – and to find peace in the present.

As with the Israelites, often God gives us time to fight our battles, sit in our suffering, accept our anxiety and...become peaceful in it all. Then, he asks us to move with him.

So, let's wait on the Lord with comfort and confidence, and the assurance that he has great plans for our futures. Then, we can be ready to say 'yes' whenever he asks.