My People

This Summer I've been leading a group of women through Jennie Allen's Restless Bible Study. It has been an tremendous experience! It is my first time leading a group like this, yet I have felt the movement of the Spirit each time I prepare for a session and during each meeting. These women have truly been a blessing to me and to each other.
Last week's lesson was related to the people in our lives. The questions we were prompted to ask ourselves were - Who are the people you need? Who are the one's that need you? One of my favorite Jennie Allen quotes was in this lesson...
It is easier to survive this life on the surface, bumping up against people gently, than do the mess of intentionally loving them.  -Jennie Allen-
When I began to notice a transformation in myself and realized that God had me not only on a path to use my gifts, but on a spiritual journey as well, I was a little frustrated, wondering who in my life could support me in this place. There were probably many, although I was afraid to ask. It wasn't until I started telling my story and sharing the ways God has changed me that I found my people. And, I have found myself wanting to hold on tight - no more casual chit-chat - this is the real deal.
Two women that helped me become aware that I am not alone in this spiritual journey, I met online, through blogging. Tiffany and Julie are two of the writers for the blog Girls of God's Heart and Tiffany has her own blog, His Constant Grace. 
I remember the excitement I felt when I first connected the dots and discovered that both Tiffany and Julie lived in my area. It has been such an incredible blessing to study the Bible with them, to share in their lives, and even travel with them - we went to see Beth Moore together in June...amazing!
Part of the people study this past week was to create a list, by name, of the five people you need and the five people that need you. Tiffany and Julie are definitely on the first list, along with my husband. After that, I struggled to come up with more names. There are so many people who I would feel lost without. How could I only name five? Who are those people that I trust with my ideas and my most precious spiritual thoughts? Those are my people.
But, they're not the only ones that I need. I also need the ones who send me thank-you cards or speak words of encouragement at just the right times. I also need the ones who invite me to use my gifts in different ways. And, the ones who take walks with me, mostly because it's an hour of uninterrupted conversation, not because it's particularly strenuous exercise. Or, the ones who come to see my girls in their play. I need them all.
There have been times in my life when I've let friends walk away or I walked away myself - because they weren't the right people or it wasn't the right time. There have also been those unlikely friends and the ones I need because they needed me first. 
I've written before about the social struggles of my past. My shyness and awkwardness. What I've been learning recently is that I don't do small talk well. But, get me talking about my passions - the Lord, the Bible, my kids, my job, etc. - and I can't stop talking. The problem for me has always been that most people want to live life on the surface. They don't want to go deep. Enter in my awkwardness.

There have been many times in my life when I have wondered why I have to feel so deeply. Why I have to care so much. Why certain experiences hit me and reach me at my core. Things that may seem insignificant to others. I think it scares people sometimes. They worry about my deep feelings, extreme self-doubt and seemingly over the top reactions and fears.

But, the psalmist says...

We need deep in order to experience the Holy Spirit in it’s fullness. Without the ability to go deep, I would never have started writing again, began sharing my story and meaningfully connected with so many women in my life. I would have stayed shallow and there is only so much that can be accomplished there.

Although there can be great hurt and pain in the deep, there is also great power. There is an ability to connect with God, with myself and with others.

We have to be willing to accept it all. Otherwise, we won’t have any of it. We’ll stay shallow. And, our feet will never leave the ground.

Deep begets deep. Love begets love. Faith begets faith.

So, be intentional. Dive into the deep waters with your people. You won't regret it.

Food, Friends & Fellowship

Last night I hosted my third IF: Table. I haven't shared here about my personal observations from these gatherings because each time I have struggled with how to put the experience into words. This time is no different. Except that, I felt compelled to give you a glimpse into what it has been like to gather women in my home, from all areas of my life, past and present, and have meaningful conversation about ourselves and our God.

When I first heard of IF: Table, I loved the idea behind it. Women being more intentional about their relationships, gathering together to empower and encourage one other, all in the name of Christ. Sounds great, doesn't it? 
While I was in love with the idea, I wasn't sure it was for me...for several reasons. I dislike cooking. I would have to clean my house. Where would my family go? Who would I invite? It would feel awkward and uncomfortable. And, the list went on.

Still, I couldn't shake that voice inside that urged me to try it. To step out in faith. To risk. So, I went into the first evening thinking, I will try this once and when it doesn't go well, I won't have to do it again. And, as I planned the event, I was pretty sure that's how it was going to go. There were last minute cancellations. I was supposed to have six ladies and I only had four. Things just weren't working out the way I had planned. 
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9 
The Lord worked in mighty ways that night, and in the nights to follow. He gathered the perfect groups and brought together women from all circumstances. I have ended each night knowing that God was in our midst. That he had orchestrated everything - every person, every word, every interaction. 

However, the beauty and encouragement has not been without resistance. As I walked this morning and reflected on last night's dinner, I began to doubt. I thought about my own words from the previous evening, which had felt awkward and confused. It was then that God encouraged me, You have obeyed. I will take it from here. Let it go. Trust me. Then, that became my prayer, not that I had changed the lives of any one woman, but that God would use the experience to speak into their lives. Now or in the future. 

If you are the hostess-type or even if you're like me and the thought of hosting an event like this makes you uneasy, I would encourage you to try it. Just once. Invite a few ladies over for dinner or lunch.  Download the question cards and see where the Lord leads your conversation. Even if you only do it once, it will be worth it. You won't regret the experience. 

Dear Friends,

For this week's Coffee and Conversation, we were asked to write about our most valuable friendship. As I thought about who I would write about, who I would call my best and most valuable friend, I decided I could not just write about one person. Because, aside from my husband, no one person fills the role of Most Valuable Friend (MVF) for me.

I have written before about my difficulties with friendships and about finding friends in unexpected times and places.

Right now, more than any other time in my life, I feel like I have an abundance of friends.

Among those friends are you, the people I've met here. People I may never have seen in person, but whose stories and families I know as well as my own.

Other friends, I have known since childhood. And, although we live far apart in distance, we stay connected through messaging, Facebook, and good, old-fashioned snail mail.

Some I have connected with through church, which means they are like-minded and can hold me accountable.

Still others, are those I've met through my kids, but have become some of the most precious, because they are the ones God has called me to support and encourage.

On Saturday morning, I took a walk. As I walked, I began praying for my friends. I prayed for their difficult circumstances, for their current struggles, etc. And, I as I did, I wept. I found that I could not control my tears. I was broken, not because of my own hurts, but because of theirs. It felt amazing, to feel so much love for so many, that I could do nothing but weep and pray for God's love to wash over them.

I have often felt discouraged because I do not have a best girlfriend, I rarely participate in "girls night out" events, I am often left out of the impromptu get-togethers, and am rarely anyone's first choice. I have always thought that this made me less of a person, a less important friend. But, what I have realized is that friendship doesn't look the same for everybody.

For me, it looks something like this:

- being sought out for advice and support

- being invited to join a bible study with girls that I have never even met

- kind words sent in a birthday message

- an email or comment thanking me for my encouraging words

- a birthday message to my son

- a postcard in the mail

- being asked to pray for someone

- a tweet about my ability to spread the message of God's love

Thanks, friends...for all of these things, and more!

Initiate. Nurture. Persevere.

Who has influenced you the most? 

This might be my least favorite question. However, it is the question for this week's Coffee and Conversation. Honestly, when I saw this question, I decided I wouldn't link up this week. I would write something else. But, God had other plans. He wanted me to answer the question.

I remember having to write essays about the "most influential person in my life" as a young student. I always struggled with what to write.

Most often I wrote about my Aunt M. I always thought she was a rock star. She seemed to have the life I wanted, at least then. I saw her as educated, successful and independent. At the time, she was not married and had no children. She had a cool car, went shopping often and took trips to the beach every summer. I remember watching her and wanting to work hard, so I could become successful, too.

While I still strive to be work hard and be successful, my perspective on that has changed over the years. I guess, I define success differently, now. My own success has come to be defined in terms of relationships.

I have always been a shy person. When I was a child, I barely spoke to those I didn't know. Honestly, that is still true. If you were to meet me in person, even after reading all of my thoughts on this blog, it would take me awhile before I felt comfortable enough to share with you. There's just something about the written word that is easier for me. Less intimidating. More secure.

That being said, I have been influenced by many people in my life related to relationships and social interaction. What have I learned from these people? Relationships require initiation, nurturing, and perseverance.

My husband has influenced the way I interact with strangers. From the barista at Starbucks to the clerk at Target. 

I don't remember when I started noticing this in him. Maybe early in our marriage. Whenever we went somewhere or I heard him talking on the phone, I noticed two things. He always called the waitress, customer service agent, etc. by their name and asked how they were. It seemed odd to me at first. But, when I started doing it myself, I noticed that people were genuinely surprised and touched by this gesture. It is sometimes uncomfortable to take this initiative, but it is worth it.

SOURCE

Growing up, our house was often full of people...friends, close family, distant relatives, foreign exchange students. Sometimes, this bugged me. There were many occasions when I had to give up or share my room, my space, with someone I didn't even know. 

In addition, my mom was always inviting those people who didn't have family nearby, to celebrate the holidays with us. I have attempted to continue this tradition, this value of nurturing relationships, with my own family, always seeking out those who may need a family to be a part of for the holidays.

When I was around 13 my Aunt M adopted a ten-year old girl. It was not an easy transition for either my aunt or my cousin. Yet, Aunt M  wanted to be a mother and had taken the challenge of raising a "hard to place" young girl, who came with her own set baggage. It was difficult and amazing! To me, this was the definition of perseverance in relationship.

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. 

This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasures. 

Ephesians 1:5

Influence is the process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc. of others. There have been many people in my life who, by their very nature, have impacted my actions, behaviors and opinions. These are just a few. 

What people or experiences have influenced you? How have you changed because of their influence?


Have you made the switch from GFC to Bloglovin? What are you waiting for?  Follow me on Bloglovin.

LINKING UP WITH

A New Song

Today is the birthday of one of my good friends, MC. She just also happens to be the same friend who lost her husband last July. These two facts are important as we look at today's scripture challenge word. I am amazed at how God works! Today's word is mourning.
As soon as I saw this word, I knew which verse I would choose. It was the verse I had sent to MC at a time when she was really struggling. She had experienced a difficult weekend, and the depth of her loss was great. I sent her this verse.

Over the past several months, I have watched MC's new song develop. It has been a slow process, but recently, I have begun to see a change in her. Please join me in prayer for MC today, as she continues to heal, with God's support and in His timing.
Are you in the midst of despair or mourning? May God fill you with a new song today.

the Saturday Morning Coffee Blog Hop!

<a href=http://quitetheblog.com"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RdspRMxKG9Y/ULlvg7N5asI/AAAAAAAACLY/JnLO6JY13mU/s200/freeimage-3168670.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />

It's Saturday Morning! 

Why not do a little blog hopping before your day gets started?

Meet your Host

MORGAN at Quite the Blog

 

And your Co-Host (ME)!

 

HOW IT WORKS:

- Follow host and co-hosts on Google Friend Connect (GFC)

- Add the "Saturday Morning Coffee" button to your Saturday blog post (your post can be about anything)

- Add your blog link to the bottom

- Tweet about it!

- Share it on Facebook!

- Go see what your fellow Saturday Morning Coffee blog hops are up to!

- Have fun!

Interested in co-hosting? E-mail me!

Happy Saturday!

The One Year Plan

Last week I wrote about the importance of progressing beyond the past, of moving forward. One of the things that had me stuck was the what, how and when of choosing a plan that would enable me to read the entire Bible. In typical me fashion, when there is something that I am afraid of, I either try to push it out of my mind or head straight into it, with a force greater than may actually be necessary.

Once I knew that keeping this out of my mind wasn't working, it became bigger than I could have imagined. Let me explain...

Since early October, I have felt called to begin a women's Bible study. In fact, this is one of those things that God continued to bring up to me in our conversations, no mattered how much I tried to ignore Him.

Over time, He gave me the names of several women to include in this study. Still, I did nothing. I just couldn't find make the time. I also had so many questions and concerns. What did I know about the Bible that I could teach to others? When and where would we meet? What would we study?

Then last Monday, after I wrote the It's in the Past post, it came to me. I needed to combine God's desire for me to lead a study of the Bible with my desire to read through the Bible this year.

So, I wrote, and rewrote, a message to the 10 women that God had put on my heart, inviting them to join me in reading the Bible this year. Part of this study will include weekly messages of encouragement and accountability from me, to the group. (I told you it was big.) We will also meet together, as a group. While we won't be meeting weekly or even monthly, I am planning to gather the group several times during the year, to discuss the Bible, to socialize, eat, and pray together. I am excited (and, yes, a little scared) that God has called me to lead this group.

Even though all the women I approached with this idea were not able to participate, all were appreciative of my efforts and realized the importance of my call. I did not feel rejected. I did not feel self-conscious. This could only be God, since the potential for me to experience failure, without Him, is always great.

I don't know all the details. This is uncharted territory for me. Yet, I am trusting God. He has led me this far and I know He will continue to lead, as long as I am willing to follow. I have hope. There will be blessings.

If you would like to follow us through the Bible this year, we will be using the One Year Bible plan through You Version. We are beginning Monday, January 14th. 

While I know that most of you readers do not live close enough to physically be a part of this group, if you would like to be encouraged and led through this study, please email me at peaceitalltogether@gmail.com and I will include you in the group's correspondence.

Now, in the words of Paul, from 2 Corinthians 13:14, "May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all."

Prepared. For Life.

The tagline for the Boy Scouts of America was changed in 2011 to, Prepared. For Life. It's previous motto was, Be Prepared. Either way, the organization wants it's members to ready themselves. Prepare means to make ready for use or to create a plan in advance. This is something I drive myself crazy trying to accomplish, daily. But, there doesn't appear to be any way to prepare for every situation life throws at you. To think of every possible solution to every possible problem is an insurmountable task.

There are those people who can be spontaneous, who don't have to plan. Do you know them? They appear to breeze through life as if each new day is an adventure that they can't wait to explore. This is not me. This is definitely not my son. We must prepare him for everything. We talk in advance about the changes in seasons, since it means changing the types of clothes he will wear - short versus long-sleeve, pants versus shorts, etc. We also discuss the evening routine, every night, even though it doesn't change much. We use timers, give warnings, show him calendars. We do this to avoid the unexpected, because the unexpected brings anxiety, and anxiety can bring negative behaviors.

Then, there are those days when the pieces just don't seem to fit. Even though the same piece previously fit snugly right in the center the day before, it just does not fit anymore. What happened? Life can't be predicted. Not for O or for any of us.

Since things aren't always going to go as planned, even if you prepare for them, we need coping skills. I need to be able to say, even though a situation is not what I want or what I planned for, I have a strategy to deal with it. If something takes me by surprise, I have a back-up plan. This is something that has become increasingly important for O. Because, I can't prepare him for everything. And, even when I do prepare him, sometimes it just doesn't work. It's just not enough. He needs to have those strategies, to know what to do when his current situation is different than what I told him it would be or what he had predicted.

I believe that's what God has done for us, does through our daily experiences. He has not provided us with an outline of the exact plan or given us all the details. But, he prepares us. He puts us in situations, give us verses or songs, or places us in the company of certain people, so that when we find ourselves in a situation that we haven't planned for, we can lean onto those things. Onto the fact that He has prepared us. He has given us the coping skills that we need.

Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance 
from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything 
work out according to his plan. 

 - Ephesians 1:11 (NLT)

God uses [scripture] to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. 

- 2 Timothy 3:17 (NLT)

Chosen in advance. That means he has already done it. He's already prepared or equipped us. Every experience that we've had. Every joy. Every sorrow. Everything that we have done has been preparing us for something. There's nothing left to chance. There is no spontaneity. Yes, we have choices. We can choose whether or not to follow His plan. Regardless of what we decide, we are ready. We have been prepared for it. He knows what we need and He gets us there.

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. A 

spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. It is the one and only Spirit 

who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have.  

- 1Corinthians 12:4, 7, 11 (NLT)

As this passage in Corinthians continues, Paul describes the various gifts of the Spirit. There are so many of them. Everyone can be used by God. In different ways. At different times in our lives. We can all be used.

Most of the time I feel unworthy of being used by God. Sometimes I think, who am I, that God can even use me. What do I have to offer? My friend, colleague, and blogger at She Becomes, wrote a statement earlier this week that I immediately connected to. She wrote, "I have asked God why He is choosing me for this task when I am incapable. Why not assign me to something that I can better relate to? Something deeply intertwined in my life. Something in my roots." But, our life doesn't always fit neatly into the puzzle we've created. It can't be predicted. And, that's where faith steps in.

When A told me, as a kindergartener, that she wanted to be a cheerleader, I can honestly say, I was a little disappointed. I had this little girl that was so bright. Capable of anything. And, she wanted to be a cheerleader. Yes, I was biased and was making assumptions about cheerleaders that weren't fair. Of course, I never let her know these opinions and ultimately supported her desire to try this sport.

What I couldn't have known is what I would gain from her decision to participate. There have been so many people, mothers of other cheerleaders, who have become my friends. Who have become people who I enjoy spending time with, who I share with, who I need, and who have come to need me in ways that I would never have imagined.

I was having a conversation with one of those women recently, and praying with her. Now, if you would have asked me three years ago, if I would I be praying with this person about something so devastating, about the things that are happening in her life, I would have said, "You. Are. Crazy." Number one, I'm never going to know any of these people well enough, to have a real friendship with them. Number two, I'll never feel ready to pray with someone, to take on that responsibility. But, you know what? It happened.

And when it did, I didn't feel ready. At the moment when I knew that I needed to be that kind of friend, I still didn't feel ready. I still don't think that I lived up to my own standards, but I am confident that I did the job that God had planned for me, that He prepared me for, had led me to. I could never have prepared myself for it. He knew, three years ago, when I first met this person, about this exact conversation. He knew about the tragedy that would take over her life. He knew He would use me. To be a part of something so big, feels so incredible. I feel honored and blessed to have been used.

Making Impressions

I work with students who don't understand how to take the perspective of others. They don't understand that since I am a separate person from you, my thoughts are different from your thoughts, you don't automatically think the same way that I do.

One of the programs I use to teach this concept focuses on the idea that we are constantly making impressions on others, when we meet them and interact with them. While the program itself has a lot of components, the basic idea is this...you make an impression by how you look, what you say and what you do.

Working on this program with a student this year has me reflecting on these three things in my life, thinking about what kind of impression I'm making. In person, and now with this blog, in writing, what kind of impression am I making? Not only that, but how is it possible to balance the reality of making impressions with being true to yourself?

I will admit, I don't often let people see the real me. There are few people that I feel comfortable with, that I trust enough to just be myself. It's not that I intend to be deceitful or to pretend to be something or someone different. It's more about discomfort and anxiety related to what the person is going to think or what kind of impression I'm going to make.

Because of my own fears related to being liked and making positive impressions, I've tried to instruct my children on the importance of being true to who they are, while, at the same time, paying attention to what they say and how they act and respond when something goes their way or when it doesn't. I am even beginning this with O, trying to teach him that a natural consequence of his rigid behavior may be that friends don't to want to play with him. This is a difficult lesson, but one that, I believe, is easier to learn at home first.

There are many times in my own life, however, that I focus too much on a specific part of me that may be making an impression. For example, there have been many times when I've tried on multiple outfits in hopes of making a positive impression. I also worry about saying or doing the right things.

But, is there truly a "right" thing? It's a lot about perspective. Sometimes, what we think makes an impression, maybe our appearance or the type of clothes we're wearing or whether or not we have on make-up, isn't the thing that really makes the impression.

In March I had a birthday. I received many birthday messages in the mail, on the phone, and through Facebook. While I got many nice birthday greetings, there was one that struck me as special, that I was very grateful to receive. The message was:

"Happy early birthday to a wonderful person. I'm so happy our paths have crossed!!"

Wow! I couldn't believe it...this person was talking about me. This was not from someone that I'd ever tried to impress, but I'd obviously made an impression. I don't share this message to boast, but to say that receiving this message was such a huge compliment. To know that this is the type of impression I made, without extra effort, by just being me, was such an encouragement.

So, a lesson I think I have learned in all this...when we think we're doing nothing, we really could be doing something, something really special. And, maybe it's the times when we are trying hard, too hard, that we really don't do anything at all.

You never know how what you do or what you say will make an impression on someone. So, the next time that you feel led to do or say something, be true to who you are. Do it. Say it. It may make someone's day.

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 

- 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)