Making Impressions

I work with students who don't understand how to take the perspective of others. They don't understand that since I am a separate person from you, my thoughts are different from your thoughts, you don't automatically think the same way that I do.

One of the programs I use to teach this concept focuses on the idea that we are constantly making impressions on others, when we meet them and interact with them. While the program itself has a lot of components, the basic idea is this...you make an impression by how you look, what you say and what you do.

Working on this program with a student this year has me reflecting on these three things in my life, thinking about what kind of impression I'm making. In person, and now with this blog, in writing, what kind of impression am I making? Not only that, but how is it possible to balance the reality of making impressions with being true to yourself?

I will admit, I don't often let people see the real me. There are few people that I feel comfortable with, that I trust enough to just be myself. It's not that I intend to be deceitful or to pretend to be something or someone different. It's more about discomfort and anxiety related to what the person is going to think or what kind of impression I'm going to make.

Because of my own fears related to being liked and making positive impressions, I've tried to instruct my children on the importance of being true to who they are, while, at the same time, paying attention to what they say and how they act and respond when something goes their way or when it doesn't. I am even beginning this with O, trying to teach him that a natural consequence of his rigid behavior may be that friends don't to want to play with him. This is a difficult lesson, but one that, I believe, is easier to learn at home first.

There are many times in my own life, however, that I focus too much on a specific part of me that may be making an impression. For example, there have been many times when I've tried on multiple outfits in hopes of making a positive impression. I also worry about saying or doing the right things.

But, is there truly a "right" thing? It's a lot about perspective. Sometimes, what we think makes an impression, maybe our appearance or the type of clothes we're wearing or whether or not we have on make-up, isn't the thing that really makes the impression.

In March I had a birthday. I received many birthday messages in the mail, on the phone, and through Facebook. While I got many nice birthday greetings, there was one that struck me as special, that I was very grateful to receive. The message was:

"Happy early birthday to a wonderful person. I'm so happy our paths have crossed!!"

Wow! I couldn't believe it...this person was talking about me. This was not from someone that I'd ever tried to impress, but I'd obviously made an impression. I don't share this message to boast, but to say that receiving this message was such a huge compliment. To know that this is the type of impression I made, without extra effort, by just being me, was such an encouragement.

So, a lesson I think I have learned in all this...when we think we're doing nothing, we really could be doing something, something really special. And, maybe it's the times when we are trying hard, too hard, that we really don't do anything at all.

You never know how what you do or what you say will make an impression on someone. So, the next time that you feel led to do or say something, be true to who you are. Do it. Say it. It may make someone's day.

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 

- 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)