Raising Awareness

October is National Sensory Awareness Month. As I thought about what to write, what to tell you about sensory processing, I recalled a lot of technical information regarding our senses, our brains, and how the two work together. Didn't want to bombard you with that, at least not today.

I also thought of the many posts I've written about my personal experiences raising a son with dysfunctional sensory processing, which provided you with examples, analogies, and information about living a sensory life. But, I wanted to do something different. It was then that I decided to write about my son, not about his SPD, but about him. To let you know who he is.

This is O. He is adorably handsome (looks just like his daddy), super-smart and loves learning. He is curious about many things, most of all trains, although he is recently enjoying constructing buildings, farms and other assorted structures. He loves riding his bike, wrestling with his dad, and even playing "house" with his big sisters.

He loves his friends, and is excited to share in their ideas and their interests. He is frequently amused by his friends and tells countless stories of the funny things they do. Like his friend R from preschool who, on picture day, said, "Chuck-E-Cheese" when it was his turn to have his photo taken. That cracked him up. I love watching O being amused! His whole face laughs. It's one of the only times when you see no indication of fear, just laughter, pure enjoyment.

And, although he may not always want hugs and kisses - just because they don't feel good that day - he tells me he loves me an innumerable amount of times each day. He misses me when I'm away from him. And, in addition to being able to share his fears and concerns with me, he also wants me to share in his enjoyment of trains, Nick Jr, obstacle courses, and all other things O.

Most of all, I want you to know that he doesn't want to have SPD. He doesn't want to freak out over seemingly insignificant things. He wants to behave. Of course, like any other four-year old, he has his moments of stubbornness and misbehavior. But, he ultimately wants to please. This is the boy who, after a particularly difficult bath time, was so upset about not "doing it right" that he kept asking me if he could "try it again." That's O.

So, just be aware. Be aware when you see a kid "acting up" in Target or hiding in a corner covering his ears. It's not always bad parenting or an oppositional kid. Maybe it's SPD. Or maybe it's just a bad day. I know raising O has changed my perspective of those people.

Also, why do we only expect those who look different to act different? Don't judge a child more harshly just because he looks normal. Be aware of the differences and challenges we all face on a daily basis. Not just for O, but for all of us.

I have no pink or blue ribbon to wear. I only have my story to share.

A's Letter

I wrote this letter for my oldest daughter, who is so much like me, in so many ways. Maybe I'll read it to her, someday.

Dear A,
You seem to be struggling lately. Your spark for learning and for pushing beyond your comfort zone, appears to have been replaced by self-doubt and defeat. I know it's hard, but try not worry about being the best. Just be the best A you can be. Don't give up if you don't get something on the first try, if it doesn't come easily to you. There will be things in life that will require more effort, that take more time. If something does not come easily, it is not a reflection on you or your competence. It doesn't mean you're stupid. It just means that you're going to have to work harder. I know you want to be the best at everything, that you want to be perfect. But, that's not possible. You cannot be the best at everything. There is always going to be someone that can go faster, read better, jump higher.

And, that's okay. Because, I love you. Your dad loves you. And, more importantly, God loves you. He created you. He knew you even before you were born. He knows your strengths and your weaknesses. He knows what will be hard and can help you, if you ask Him.

I want what's best for YOU, not for you to be the best. So, don't give up. Because one day there may be something bigger than math facts or a back handspring. It might be a relationship, or a job, or college. It may be something that is important for your future. Even though it is hard for me to say, life will not be easy. You will struggle. There will be hard things. But, just because life is not easy, does not mean you should just give up. You can't decide that it's not worth it. You have to keep going. Keep trying, because there's so much more that you can do!

Love,
Mom

Prepared. For Life.

The tagline for the Boy Scouts of America was changed in 2011 to, Prepared. For Life. It's previous motto was, Be Prepared. Either way, the organization wants it's members to ready themselves. Prepare means to make ready for use or to create a plan in advance. This is something I drive myself crazy trying to accomplish, daily. But, there doesn't appear to be any way to prepare for every situation life throws at you. To think of every possible solution to every possible problem is an insurmountable task.

There are those people who can be spontaneous, who don't have to plan. Do you know them? They appear to breeze through life as if each new day is an adventure that they can't wait to explore. This is not me. This is definitely not my son. We must prepare him for everything. We talk in advance about the changes in seasons, since it means changing the types of clothes he will wear - short versus long-sleeve, pants versus shorts, etc. We also discuss the evening routine, every night, even though it doesn't change much. We use timers, give warnings, show him calendars. We do this to avoid the unexpected, because the unexpected brings anxiety, and anxiety can bring negative behaviors.

Then, there are those days when the pieces just don't seem to fit. Even though the same piece previously fit snugly right in the center the day before, it just does not fit anymore. What happened? Life can't be predicted. Not for O or for any of us.

Since things aren't always going to go as planned, even if you prepare for them, we need coping skills. I need to be able to say, even though a situation is not what I want or what I planned for, I have a strategy to deal with it. If something takes me by surprise, I have a back-up plan. This is something that has become increasingly important for O. Because, I can't prepare him for everything. And, even when I do prepare him, sometimes it just doesn't work. It's just not enough. He needs to have those strategies, to know what to do when his current situation is different than what I told him it would be or what he had predicted.

I believe that's what God has done for us, does through our daily experiences. He has not provided us with an outline of the exact plan or given us all the details. But, he prepares us. He puts us in situations, give us verses or songs, or places us in the company of certain people, so that when we find ourselves in a situation that we haven't planned for, we can lean onto those things. Onto the fact that He has prepared us. He has given us the coping skills that we need.

Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance 
from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything 
work out according to his plan. 

 - Ephesians 1:11 (NLT)

God uses [scripture] to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. 

- 2 Timothy 3:17 (NLT)

Chosen in advance. That means he has already done it. He's already prepared or equipped us. Every experience that we've had. Every joy. Every sorrow. Everything that we have done has been preparing us for something. There's nothing left to chance. There is no spontaneity. Yes, we have choices. We can choose whether or not to follow His plan. Regardless of what we decide, we are ready. We have been prepared for it. He knows what we need and He gets us there.

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. A 

spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. It is the one and only Spirit 

who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have.  

- 1Corinthians 12:4, 7, 11 (NLT)

As this passage in Corinthians continues, Paul describes the various gifts of the Spirit. There are so many of them. Everyone can be used by God. In different ways. At different times in our lives. We can all be used.

Most of the time I feel unworthy of being used by God. Sometimes I think, who am I, that God can even use me. What do I have to offer? My friend, colleague, and blogger at She Becomes, wrote a statement earlier this week that I immediately connected to. She wrote, "I have asked God why He is choosing me for this task when I am incapable. Why not assign me to something that I can better relate to? Something deeply intertwined in my life. Something in my roots." But, our life doesn't always fit neatly into the puzzle we've created. It can't be predicted. And, that's where faith steps in.

When A told me, as a kindergartener, that she wanted to be a cheerleader, I can honestly say, I was a little disappointed. I had this little girl that was so bright. Capable of anything. And, she wanted to be a cheerleader. Yes, I was biased and was making assumptions about cheerleaders that weren't fair. Of course, I never let her know these opinions and ultimately supported her desire to try this sport.

What I couldn't have known is what I would gain from her decision to participate. There have been so many people, mothers of other cheerleaders, who have become my friends. Who have become people who I enjoy spending time with, who I share with, who I need, and who have come to need me in ways that I would never have imagined.

I was having a conversation with one of those women recently, and praying with her. Now, if you would have asked me three years ago, if I would I be praying with this person about something so devastating, about the things that are happening in her life, I would have said, "You. Are. Crazy." Number one, I'm never going to know any of these people well enough, to have a real friendship with them. Number two, I'll never feel ready to pray with someone, to take on that responsibility. But, you know what? It happened.

And when it did, I didn't feel ready. At the moment when I knew that I needed to be that kind of friend, I still didn't feel ready. I still don't think that I lived up to my own standards, but I am confident that I did the job that God had planned for me, that He prepared me for, had led me to. I could never have prepared myself for it. He knew, three years ago, when I first met this person, about this exact conversation. He knew about the tragedy that would take over her life. He knew He would use me. To be a part of something so big, feels so incredible. I feel honored and blessed to have been used.

iHeart Vacation

Spent the weekend in Las Vegas. Just M and I. Even though are many reasons I typically stay away from Las Vegas, I decided I won't mention them in this post. (If you want to read about some of them, check out one of my previous posts). This weekend, it was easy for me to leave those reasons behind, because it wasn't really about Las Vegas. It was about good food, good music and spending time with my husband. Just us. No kids. No responsibilities. That, to me, is the definition of vacation.

Ok. Before I get to all the fun stuff, I do have to talk about the one thing I was most nervous about, that I was not looking forward to...

We began our weekend very early Friday morning. Heading to the airport at 4:45am. I wasn't bothered by the early departure. I was bothered by the fact that we were flying. In an airplane. I have always been fearful of flying. I used to think my fear was of the height or of the possibility of a crash. But, I always enjoy sitting by the window, just so I can look out. And, I know that the chances of being in a car accident are much greater than being involved in a plane crash. So, what is it about flying?

I recently finished the book, Little Bee. It was an outstanding book. Very intense, but outstanding. In it, Little Bee describes her need to establish an escape route. In every setting she finds herself, the first thing she does is look for a way to get out, just in case. Now, her story is very different from mine. But, as I read, it came to me. This is why I fear flying. There is no escape route. If something happens on the plane, you're stuck. There is no way out.

As most of you would expect, the plane ride was uneventful. What I realized after we arrived in Las Vegas, was that instead of worrying about the plane ride, I should have been worried about the cab ride. Wow! You really take your life into your own hands when you get into a taxi in Las Vegas. I'm pretty sure M lost the blood supply to his hands during those rides and, I kept my eyes closed the whole time!

By miracle, we arrived safely at our hotel before 8am on Friday morning. We stayed at the Aria. It was a beautiful place. (It was decorated a little too modern for my taste, but still beautiful).

I must admit, I started the trip with a bad attitude. Maybe it was still nerves from flying, the early morning wake-up, or the lunatic cab driver. Regardless, I was complaining, a lot. It was too cold inside. Too hot outside. There was too much smoke. It was too expensive.

When we were at breakfast, M said to me, after my umpteenth complaint, something like, "Didn't you just write a blog post about complaining?" He was right. And, I was glad he brought it up. One of the benefits of this blog is accountability. I think about it every time I write...someone will read this and keep me accountable. While I can't say that I didn't complain at all for the rest of the weekend, I did try a lot harder not to.

We spent the rest of Friday morning eating and shopping. I was looking for a "better" pair of shoes to wear with my "Saturday night" dress. I had brought a pair of shoes, but didn't think they were quite right for the dress. We did find these shoes, but not until Saturday. Aren't they fabulous?

Of course, when I went to put them on before Saturday's concert, I noticed that the buckle on one of the shoes was broken. I'm hoping to get them fixed, so that I can wear them with the dress, eventually. (See, not really complaining...looking for a solution.)

The reason we were in Las Vegas was to attend the iHeart Radio Music Festival. This was a "business" trip for M and I got to tag along. The best part, most of the trip was free. While I do love music, I have never really been a huge fan of concerts - they are loud, there are a lot of people, the seats are uncomfortable. It also annoys me when I am forced to stand, not because I want to, but because the people in front of me are standing.

I was pleasantly surprised with the concerts we attended and the artists we saw perform. As I listened to the  live music and to the pre-show music provided by the one only DJ Skee (had never heard of him before this weekend, and not sure if he is worthy of this name-drop, but there was a pre-recorded message that played frequently throughout the pre-shows, informing us who was mixing the music, so I had to share), I realized something. The music I was familiar with, knew the words to, and generally enjoyed, I was either introduced to in the late 80's as a teenager (Bon Jovi was awesome!) or through Kidz Bop (my girls would be so proud). Pathetic. Also, during the pre-party event on Saturday night, we heard Gavin Degraw perform. His performance was fantastic. Sadly, one reason I felt connected to his performance was because I had watched him fumble his way through Dancing with the Stars last season. I felt like I knew him. Very pathetic, right?

Aside from my initial fears associated with flying and the cab drivers who thought they were driving for Nascar, the trip was awesome, and provided us with a much-needed getaway. Hope you enjoyed your weekend. Here are some of our photos.

THE STAGE

THE VIEW FROM THE HOTEL

GAVIN DEGRAW

THE LOUNGE - SATURDAY'S PRE-PARTY

Changing the Focus

Lately, I feel like I've been inundated with complaints. This is mainly because most days, my three children seem to enjoy complaining over the smallest things...like being asked to close a cupboard door, take a shower, hang up their own towel, put on their own shoes, etc.

When living with a child with dysfunctional sensory processing, the number of complaints seems to grow exponentially. Either the bath water is too hot, the temperature of the food is not right, or his shoes are too tight. There have been many times when O has told us something hurts him, even though, to a typical person, these things would feel "just right" or would only be a minor annoyance.

I have since learned that this feeling he described as pain, may actually feel painful to him because our pain and temperature receptors are interpreted by the same part of our brain. Early on in our sensory journey, we were told that while it was important to redirect O, letting him know that these things that "hurt" him were not actually harmful, it was also important not to invalidate how things felt to him. So, instead of saying, "It doesn't hurt," we were to say something like, "I know you don't like how that feels" or "I know it feels weird."

Hmmmm....Differentiate, but don't invalidate. I have been reminded of this lately, as I listen and attempt to respond to the complaints of those around me.

I think there is definitely a time for complaining. Being able to vent, to get out all your frustrations and just say what you feel, without reservation, is not always bad. As a psychologist I believe that keeping those negative feelings inside, not sharing them with someone, is generally a bad idea. But, what I've been struggling with lately, is when people, in various areas of my life, make complaining their standard behavior.

I have definitely been a habitual complainer, myself. However, I have begun to make a transformation over the past few months, after making a conscious decision to look at the positive and to try not to criticize. Or, more accurately, when I think of a criticism, to also think of a possible solution to the problem. I see this as a shift in focus. I am attempting to validate an area of need, while differentiating between being problem-focused versus solution-focused. This is not easy.

I had lunch with some colleagues last month. In the group of eight people, some people choose anger and complaints, while others, even though frustrated, were choosing to approach the situation with a positive attitude. I had one colleague say that she had signed up to be a part of every committee that was available because she wanted things to change and to have her opinions included in that change. That is a good example of choosing to be solution-focused.

While I can recognize the need for this type of attitude, I know that is not something that I posses consistently. It's definitely not one of my strengths. But, I do want to continue changing, moving toward solutions instead of being stuck in an attitude of complaining.

I found this idea on Pinterest...

I've been thinking about using it in our house, for all of us, not just for the kids. I think we all need to be accountable for our behavior.

And, since I probably cannot implement this same strategy at work, I had to think of something different. I have seen this poster in many offices...

Although very direct, I don't think it fits with the positive vibe I am going for. I found this poster at the local school supply store...

I put it up in one of my offices. If nothing else, it is a daily reminder for me to check my own attitude.

I'm hoping that my attitude becomes contagious, in a good way.

Boy Cannot Live on Chicken Nuggets Alone

We all have foods we don't like. Everyone does. Lately, though, I have begun to see eating, or lack of, on a continuum. Here are the categories, which I have named: preferential, picky, and restrictive eating.

Based on my definition, most people would fall in the preferential eating category. We all have foods we don't like, but there may only be a handful of them. Some of us may not like many vegetables, choose not to eat meat, or not like the flavors of a certain type of cuisine. We have preferences.

The next stop on the continuum is picky eating. A picky eater would be someone like my E. She has always been more choosy about what she would eat, even with baby food. Picky eaters are the ones that, although there are foods they don't like, the list of those foods is shorter than the list of foods that they will eat. And, while there are many things picky eaters won't eat, there is usually a pattern or reason for their choices. It may be the texture or flavor of certain foods that they don't like. Although it is difficult to have a picky eater in the family, there are options and ways around it.

Then, there's O. He's is what I would call a restrictive eater. Restrictive eating occurs when the list of things you like is much shorter than the list of things you don't. And, while this aversion to certain foods could be based on texture or taste, it might also be based on color, size, shape, etc.

One example...O will only eat penne pasta. Even though all pasta tastes the same no matter what the shape, he will only eat penne. The same is true for chicken nuggets. O will only eat nuggets a specific brand of dinosaur-shaped nuggets or those from McDonalds. This is what I would call restrictive. This is one of the biggest daily challenges for O, and for me too.

Another thing that makes a difference for O is the temperature of the food. It can't be too hot or too cold. And, this can change. Things he ate straight from the refrigerator last week, he may need warmed up a bit this week.

Choosing not to eat specific foods based on these criteria does not make sense to most of us. For those of you who are thinking, "She is exaggerating" or "Surely, he would eat if was really hungry," read this article. One of my friends, who is also a sensory-mama, posted a link to it on Facebook recently. It explains restrictive eating beautifully.

One of the biggest concerns about the restrictive eating is nutrition. Is O's body getting all that it needs to function adequately? Even though O is growing, has continued to maintain a healthy weight, and his brain is developing, it is still a concern in the back of my mind. On the positives side, on O's list of preferred foods are a variety of fruits and milk!

What can make this food struggle even more difficult is when the store is out of the brand of chicken nuggets that he will eat. I've tried other brands, but they were "too squishy" or "smelled funny" and he refused to eat them. It is also difficult to go out to eat spontaneously, unless we go to McDonalds, which is the only restaurant where O will eat food that was not brought in his lunch box.

I'm convinced that even though O doesn't eat that many foods, he thinks about food more than the rest of us do. For us, food is just food. It's not a stressor. There's nothing about it that causes us anxiety. But for him, there clearly is.

What can I do? Will this always be an issue?

Even though it's something that causes him anxiety, we have to work on it, eventually. He is being introduced to and trying new foods at preschool. This is difficult for him, but he does it, shaky hands and all. I have been gathering resources on this topic for the past several months, mostly about how to introduce new foods and approach this whole issue of eating. I think I have enough information to get started. It will be a long process and there are multiple steps. But, I think I'm ready. Maybe.

Loving School, or Not. It's Okay.

I have come to a realization this week. Education, being educated, is important. Liking school, having a strong desire to be there, is not important. Surprised? Strange coming from an educator? Let me explain.

How many times have your heard your kids say, "I don't want to go to school" or "I do not like school"? I'll be honest, before O started preschool, I don't think I heard this phrase uttered in my house, at least not often.

My girls have always loved school. Although, we did go through periods of tears and clinging during their preschool years, I have generally had no problems getting them motivated or interested in school. They just are. That being said, it has been very easy for me to tell when my girls are really sick or are experiencing problems at school, as this is the only time they protest going.

This is not the case with O. He will tell me numerous times a day that he doesn't like school. He also asks me, at least once a day, "What's tomorrow?" Meaning, "Where am I going tomorrow?" He knows he goes to school three days each week and he knows which days those are, but he continues to ask.

As annoying as it is to hear the same questions daily, I love that he is expressing himself using words, now. I remember when he was between one and two-years old...we really started to notice self-injurious behaviors. O would bang his head, not on soft surfaces, but on the hardwood floor. I just remember being so scared, thinking, this is not a good thing. Once we got into speech therapy and gave him some communication skills, the head banging decreased. Eventually, we were able to eliminate the behavior.

Now, at nearly four and a half, he has such an extensive vocabulary and his communication skills are so much more developed. His ability to recognize what is bothering him and communicate that to us has improved so much and has helped us to meet his needs. I am looking forward to the continued blossoming of his communication, because I know that it will enable him to express his difficulties and even request things his body needs.

Now, do I really think O dislikes everything about school? No. I know that there are many things that he has fun doing at school. I know that he loves academics, learning about numbers and letters. I know he has grown so much since being in preschool, learning how to play with others, and learning what it means to be a friend. He is always talking about his friends and their interests. He excitedly tells me about story time and explains the games the class plays together. And, when I ask him, "Did you like the story?" or "Did you have fun playing that game?" he will most often say, "Yes."

Now, for my revelation. The other day, O says to me, "School  is just too much!" That's when it hit me. (Insert tears here, because this is where they came for me.) There are so many more things that he has to deal with, to process, than the rest of us. Thinking about school for him, is not just knowing the schedule, which he can rattle off in detail to me, including all those things that he likes. It's whether there's going to be new friends, if the lights are going to be too bright, if there is going to be a noise that he doesn't like, if he has to try something new, or if he's going to have to sit next to someone who smells like peanut butter (which he has a strong aversion to, by the way). It's all those things, and more.

Even being in an environment that he is familiar with, he is expressing that it's too much. It was that moment that spoke to me...my little boy may never love school in the same way that his sisters do. It may always be "too much" for him. I'm not trying to be a defeatist, just a realist. Can he cope? Will he go? Can he love the things that happen there? The answer is, yes. 

But, it will not be an unconditional love. When he's tired or stressed or when he starts thinking about all the things he has to do or try at school, it just feels like too much. It's at those times that it's my job to help him focus on the things about school that he does enjoy and figure out a way to help him cope, to tolerate those other things that he doesn't like or is nervous about. I have some tools to do that, now. But, O doesn't have to love school. It's okay if he doesn't.

Being a Church

So then, let us aim for harmony in the each other up. 

Romans 14:19 (NLT)

I know that organized religion is not for everyone. I know that churches aren't for everyone. I know that you don't have to go to church to be a Christian. I know it doesn't make you a better Christian the more times you go to church each week.

But, to me, it's important to be a part of a church, to be committed to a place, or more accurately a group, a family. What does it mean to be a "church family"? To me, it is being a group of believers who can share, help, and fellowship with each other.

What an amazing feeling it is to know there are people who will be there when you need them! To know that there are people praying for you, as there was for us when O was little and we didn't know what was coming, what the outcome would be. At least we knew that we had people praying for us. I've heard others in our church talk about just that power, that knowledge that there are people praying for you and your family or your circumstance, is sometimes all the comfort you need, whether or not those prayers are answered to your liking. It's very important.

Sometimes finding a church can be difficult because we focus on the wrong things. We focus on the music or the way people are dressed or if there is anyone who seems to be "like us" or the length or the times of the service. While all of these things are a part of convenience and fitting into our vision of church or into our busy lives, they should not be the most important.

Churches are not perfect. After all, they are filled with humans. Humans are not perfect.

But, I think it's time that we shift our focus away from the people or things that make up a particular church, moving instead toward God and the development of his kingdom.

In Revelation, John writes letters to seven different churches, based on his visions of Jesus and the message he was asked to relay. Last week, our pastor began a series of sermons related to these letters. The first letter was to the church in Ephesus, regarding their loss of love for Jesus and for each other. John writes these words of Jesus,

"But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first." (Revelation 2:4, 5 NLT)

Here, Jesus brings us back to the core of His message, the greatest commandment...love. As a church, we should gather with one common interest, and that's Christ, building a relationship with him, and building a kingdom of believers. A kingdom that is filled with love.

What do you think about church?

Problems and Prayers

Last night I had a pity party for myself. I wasn't feeling well and was just so tired. I felt defeated! I was not "cool" enough. Nobody liked me enough. I felt ill-equipped to raise my 9-year old. And, the list goes on.

So, I took a hot bath and tried reading my Bible. I found verse after verse that should have given me hope. But, all I could think was...these are just words. I knew that the devil was attacking me in my weakest areas. But, I didn't care. I wanted to let him win. I was tired of fighting. Tired of being the motivator, especially when I was feeling so unmotivated.

I wish I could say that I woke up with a new perspective this morning. That didn't happen. Although I wasn't feeling completely defeated, I felt as if I was limping along in the race of life. I was still tired, still in less than optimum health, and was still unmotivated.

As the day wore on, I got distracted with work, emails, and reading others' blog and Facebook posts. As a result, I started to compare my problems to the problems of others. Soon, the immensity of the problems of last night began to fade and I began to pray for those I know who are hurting, who are in a places of uncertainty, despair and in crises of health.

Although it felt good to do something for others, it did not make me any less tired or unmotivated. Did I still feel hurt, unworthy, and discouraged? Yes. My problems still remained. Do you know why? Because I never stopped to pray for me. I forgot to support and encourage my own spiritual development. I find that I do this often. It seems to be much easier for me to pray for others than for myself.

I had a friend who once commented that I was a "ray of sunshine" as I attempted to provide encouragement to a mutual friend. This made me very happy. I was encouraged. However, some days, instead of feeling like the light of the sun, I feel more like fog lights. While I am helping others to see, to be encouraged, the light doesn't help me to see any more clearly.

So, while I will continue the new work of encouragement, friendship, and ministry that I feel God is calling me to, I must also start praying for me, encouraging me. Otherwise, I may never truly see all that God is trying to teach me.