Attention: Wives

You may remember me mentioning in this post that I was asked to be a contributor for the Unveiled Wife website. I was beyond excited for the privilege to be featured monthly among women who write about marriage and faith and how the two so beautifully weave together.

In the month of October, I wrote three articles for the site. Although I have shared these articles on Facebook and Twitter, I wanted to share them here as well. In fact, I plan to do this at the end of each month, so that any of you, who are currently wives or who are preparing to be, can be encouraged to continue to develop godly marriages.

That Time my Marriage was Saved

The Importance of Praying with your Spouse

A Worthy Wife

I also want to encourage you to become a subscriber of the Unveiled Wife site, either through Facebook or email. It has been a tremendous encouragement to me, not only as a contributor, but as a wife, as well.

Battles and Balance

Things had been going well for O lately. He made the transition to kindergarten beautifully and is even ending his first season of soccer. And, while there have been bumps along the way, they have been relatively small and easy to navigate.

However, I have started noticing a change in O's ability to handle those smaller bumps with as much ease as he had been. While he is still keeping it together at school, his inability to handle the stress is evident at home.

This time of year is typically difficult for him. Fall means changes in weather, clothing, and the beginning of the holiday season. All the changes are difficult. Especially when you are an individual who doesn't just like routine, but needs it.

Last week was Red Ribbon Week at my kids' school. During this week every year, the schools in our area focus on creating a fun-filled week for the kids, which teaches them the dangers of drugs and alcohol, in a creative way. This is a positive program, with a lot of value. However, for O, this week is full of things that cause change in his routine and what he has come to expect from kindergarten.

Monday was crazy hair/crazy clothes day. I had a conversation with O that morning about how silly his friends would look because of this special day. He hid under a blanket during the entire conversation, and for the first time, since the first day of school, said, I don't want to go.

When we got to school he was hesitant to go into the classroom, everyone just looked too crazy. Once he realized that the crazy hair didn't necessarily mean that things would be different in the classroom, he was okay. But, for the rest of the week, every time we drove by the school, he asked about those red ribbons on the trees and why they were still there. It's only for this week, I said, every time.

Life with O is a balancing act. We are constantly struggling to make sure we are keeping him comfortable and monitoring his anxiety, yet putting him in situations where his coping skills can be tested and stretched. Usually that means preparing him in advance for situations that may provoke anxiety.

For example, last week O's kindergarten class also took a trip to the pumpkin patch, on a school bus. I knew that the bus could potentially cause anxiety for O, for several reasons: smell, number of kids in close proximity, new experience, and I'm sure more that I don't even know about. So, his teacher and I began talking to him, about the field trip and the bus. Then, I had an idea.

I had seen a bus driver dropping off a student for afternoon kindergarten on the days I picked O up from school. So, one day I asked him if O and I could take a walk through the bus. He was more than willing. As I expected, O didn't even want to go on the bus with me, but he did it. We found things on the bus he liked, like the color of the seats and the fact that each of the rows was numbered - he loves numbers!

The day of the field trip arrived and I didn't notice any anxiety until we got to the classroom. There were 56 kids there instead of the normal 27, because the am and pm kinders were going together on the field trip. He sat with me until the routine (e.g. announcements, singing, stories, etc.) of the day started, then he was fine.

He rode the bus without issue and seemed completely regulated when he got to the pumpkin patch. That was a huge win!

WAITING IN LINE, AFTER GETTING OFF THE BUS

Last year I wrote about our family's trip to this pumpkin patch and O's avoidance of the suspension bridge. Well, this time, he went over the bridge. He held onto me the whole time, as I whispered encouraging words, but he did it. Another win!

After that, however, he had reached his limit. No other stretching could be done. He needed routine and stability. He needed his big squeezes and special water bottle to drink from. He needed me. And, I was grateful that I was able to be there with him.

O AND I CALMING DOWN, WHILE SITTING ON BALES OF HAY

FINALLY! HE GOT TO PICK HIS PUMPKIN.

As I drove to work later that afternoon, I thought about the morning and cried and cried. I also stopped for lunch at In-n-Out burger (I'm a bit of a stress eater).

I was so proud of what O had accomplished that day. But, I was still so sad. I realized why. At least that day, I wanted O to do well, for him and for me, but mostly for his peers. I wanted to prevent a melt down because I didn't want any of his friends, or their parents, to see it. He has been making friends and playing well with the boys in his class and I didn't want that to be jeopardized in any way. I didn't want them to know he was different.

Now, I just have one more thing to worry about. Will they treat him differently now? Will their parents judge me for the decisions I made? Maybe they won't even remember. Maybe it really doesn't matter, in the long-run. But, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, now.

I tried to talk to one of the mom's about it. She asked, Won't he grow out of it? I never got the chance to tell her, No, he won't. While he has and will continue to develop ways to cope with his anxiety and SPD, it will never leave him. Some days I think it has gotten easier. He has made so much growth. But there are those other days, like the day of the field trip, that I know that his life will always be harder than most.

What I am so grateful for is the truth in this song. I wrote about it my young warrior post and it has become O's theme song, in my mind. They other night, as I was driving O to soccer practice, the song came on the radio...and he started singing it. I know that he is too young to truly understand the words and their meaning. But, I am grateful that he is beginning to speak and rehearse that truth.

The morning of the pumpkin patch trip, O was with me in the bathroom as I was getting ready to go. I started singing, like I often do. This time he finished the words...

Me:  The God of angel armies...

O:  ...is always by my side.

That's right, buddy. He is.

Normal

I recently read the post One Toe in Normal at Four Plus an Angel. In it, a mother describes her feelings related to being in "general education" for the first time. With a teenage daughter with autism who recently graduated high school and a younger daughter, with severe anxiety, who is home-schooled, her experience with education has not been typical.
This post caused an emotional stirring in me. Last week, I went with O and his class on a field trip to the pumpkin patch. I will not explain the whole of that experience here...you will have to wait for tomorrow's post for the rest of the story. But, for now, I want to describe my feelings as I listened to the conversations of numerous other parents. Conversations about normal, typical things. Conversations that I couldn't be a part of because I had nothing normal to contribute. I felt like an impostor and worried that if I spoke, my true identity would be revealed. Weird, huh?
Although O is in general education kindergarten, I cannot always approach things with him in a "general education" way. Even his teacher, while she has praised his performance in kindergarten, doesn't realize how much she has done to prepare him for these experiences. She is setting him up for success, which is wonderful. But, it is not normal. 
When I talk to the parents of my girls' friends, we share experiences and struggles that are normal. It is easy and, with some, it is even effortless. I was hoping that with O, I could find a parent who could relate, at least in some way to our struggles. 
Maybe I just need to share more. But, I'm afraid. Worried that people might not understand. 
I feel like I have one foot inside normal. It feels strange to be there. How much longer will it be until I feel like we belong?

Brighten Your Day

If you are a blogger or have spent any time browsing around blog-land lately, you have probably seen the emergence of the Sunshine Award. This award is given to bloggers who's posts brighten your day.

SOURCE

I am both humbled and proud to report that in the past two weeks, I have been nominated three times for this award. I so appreciate Lauren, Jessah and Shannon and their support of my blog, in addition to nominating me for this award. 

The rules of acceptance:

1. Acknowledge the nominating blogger(s). (Thanks ladies!)

2. Answer 10 questions the nominating blogger has created for you.

3. List 10 bloggers that deserve the recognition and love.

4. Post 10 questions for the nominated bloggers to answer 

I have chosen the following ten questions, from the 30 created for me, to answer:

Where are you in birth order?  

I am the oldest of three girls. 

Favorite time of the year, and why? 

I love the fall and winter (even though I hate being cold). The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is my favorite. My house and life just seem so full during that time.

One thing you wish you knew in high school that you know now? 

That there would be a time when I would hardly remember the bad things that happened. And, that life would get much better.

Do you prefer bare feet or shoes? 

Even though I love shoes, I prefer to go barefoot (or with socks or slippers in the winter) around the house. One of the first things I do when I get home...take off my shoes.

Glass half empty or half full? Why? 

I am typically a half-empty kind of person. I try to go the half-full route, daily, but it takes more work for me to think that way. Plus, I'd much rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed.

Favorite food! 

Mexican is my all-time favorite cuisine. But, now that it's getting colder, I can't stop thinking about soups and chili. 

What do you do for work?  I work part-time as a school psychologist. My primary focus is with students with autism.
What is your favorite quote?  Be the change you want to see in the world. - Gandhi
What is a great book that you've read recently?  I haven't been spending much time reading books, lately. Most of my reading time is spent in the Bible or completing my Bible study. The last novel I read was Daddy's Gone a Hunting by Mary Higgins Clark.
How many different cities have you lived in?  As an adult, I have only lived in two different cities, both in California. I was born in Las Vegas, but we moved when I was eight months old.
And, now, here are the 10 bloggers I am nominating. Because having them in my life makes each day just a little brighter:
Amanda - My Love for Lyla Susannah - Simple Moments Stick Ashley - Dancing with Ashley Heather - The Mosbys in China Hannah - bouffe e bambini Angela - The Harrells on Hood Tiffany & Julie - Girls of God's Heart Ashley - Life on the Parson's Farm Shanna - Because Shanna Said So Katie - For Lauren and Lauren
Finally, the ten questions I have created for these lovely ladies to answer: 1.  What is your earliest childhood memory? 2.  What is your shoe size?  3.  Have you made your Christmas list? If so, what is on it? 4.  Coffee or tea? 5.  If you could take over the life of any celebrity, who would it be? 6.  What do you remember about the 80's? 7.  What was one good thing that happened to you, today? 8.  Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? If so, which team? 9.  What states and/or countries have you visited? 10.  Favorite board/card game.
I hope you will take the time to visit a few of my nominees, plus those who nominated me. It will brighten your day. I promise.

The Heart of God

The subject of this month's Faith and Fellowship link up comes from 1 Samuel 13:13-14. The question, "How do I become a woman (or man) that is sought after by God, a (wo)man after His own heart?"

When I was reflecting on this topic, I came up with two more questions:
How do we come to know God's heart? Why is knowing His heart important?
In order to understand the heart of God, we must spend time with Him, seek answers from Him, and desire to be like Him.
During my first 29 plus years as a Christian, I don't think I ever asked God anything. Sure, I asked Him for a lot of things, but I don't ever recall asking Him questions and expecting an answer. When I began listening to God, I realized He had a lot to say to me. I didn't ask Him to make specific decisions for me, in a Which pair of shoes should I buy? kind of way, but rather in a What do I need to know in order to do your will? kind of way.
In my opinion, it is important to develop a personal relationship with God and seek His will daily. It is when we seek this closeness that we will come to know Him better and He can begin to speak to us. When I take time to listen to God each day, it makes it easier to focus my thoughts and desires on Him. In doing this, I have also found that those specific questions, like What should I do to show love to my husband and kids today? will resolve themselves and the answers will become clear.
Being a (wo)man after God's heart is important, not just for our own relationship with God, but for all those we come in contact with, as well. 
Have you ever heard or seen the quote, You are the only Bible some people may ever read? The first time I saw that quote, it changed my perspective. I couldn't help but think that if that is true, I need to be the best representation of Christ I can be, every day.
 You were made as a representation, to reflect God's goodness, and to radiate His love.  Jennifer Smith, Wife after God
If we want to be men or women after God's heart, we need to be the things that God is. I am not saying that we need to be god, because that is not possible. I'm saying that we need to show the characteristics of God, so that others will see Him in us.
Here are some of the things that God is... Gracious Merciful Trustworthy Faithful Love
Are you someone who seeks the heart of God? Is your life reflecting His heart, today?

LINKING UP WITH

Finding Joy

I was once again reflecting on my time at Hume Lake, the first weekend of October, and came across my notes from the final session. It was about joy. Here are some of my favorite quotes about what joy is or does...

...makes the ordinary special

...takes the routine of life and makes it something new

This got me thinking and questioning my own joy. Do I find joy in the routine of life? Do I take pleasure in the mundane and the tedious? I'm not sure that I do. Most days I dread making lunches, cooking dinner, checking homework, doing laundry, grocery shopping, etc. These things don't make me happy. But, does that mean I can't find joy in them?

That, then, is the challenge. To find joy in everything.

But, can joy really be found? It certainly does not seem innate to these routine tasks or the circumstances of life. The speaker described joy this way:

Joy is evidence of God's presence in your life.

This joy should make us look different. It should make us distinct, unique and like no other.

Even when it is not well with your circumstances, it can be well with your soul. You can find joy in being a follower of Christ, no matter where you find yourself in life or even in the minutes of the day.

How is this possible? How do you live out joy practically, during the everyday tasks of life? There were two strategies the speaker mentioned.

The first, was to live with the "yet" in mind. In other words, as Habakkuk said, although things are falling apart around me, "...yet I will rejoice in the Lord." After all, He is the only constant, the only thing that remains despite your circumstances. And, He is ever-present. Even when I am struggling with what to make for dinner, He is with me. That alone should make me joyful.

The second, was to live with an eternal perspective. This life is not the end. While it is what we are able to see now, it is the unseen that should bring us joy. Paul stated in 2 Corinthians 4:18 "...For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

But, even after writing all this, I still wonder how. How do I experience joy when I feel so overwhelmed? How do I show myself as distinct, when I feel so ordinary?

While taking a walk to clear my thoughts, I cried these questions out to God. Here was His answer:  My child, it is a choice. Go to the rock.

He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. 

Psalm 62:2

That rock, my friends, is Jesus. It is in Him alone that joy is found.

So, this was challenge for nearly 600 women, and my challenge to you...diligently and deliberately pursue joy.

I have told you these things so that you may be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow.

John 15:15

Are you interested in spreading some joy to others?  My friend Jessah at Dreaming of Dimples is hosting an Autumn Mug Swap. If you have a blog or Instagram you can participate. Sign up here.

The One Year Plan, Updated

At the beginning of 2013, I felt led to start a Bible study. I was uncertain how and when I would do this. So, I explored different options of study and came up with the one-year plan.

Part of that plan was to read through the entire Bible in a year. The other part was to encourage a group of women, as they did the same. I reached out to several of my friends and ended up with a group of eight who wanted to join me in this plan.

As the year went by, my ability to stay on track with the reading varied. This was true for the other women as well. There were technical issues and those that just ran out of the time and energy to read. There were those that never responded to my emails and those that were called to study the Bible in other ways.

Despite these challenges and the feelings of failure I struggled with as the "leader" of this group, I have continued reading. Why? Because I know that reading and studying God's word is important. It changes the way I look at life, which causes changes in my thoughts, attitudes and behaviors.

I know that there are many different opinions about the Bible. I also know that my thoughts about the importance of Bible reading may not be the same as yours. So, what does the Bible say about itself?

Your word is a lamp to guide my feet
    and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:105

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 2 Timothy 3:16
For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Hebrews 4:12
Joyful are people of integrity,
    who follow the instructions of the Lord.

Psalm 119:11

I am excited that in 95 days (more or less) I will have accomplished my goal of reading the entire Bible. This is my history. It is the basis of my life and faith. I need to know what it says.

Do you read the Bible?

Special thanks to Lori Salierno for these scripture references.

Laundry {Five Minute Friday}

I have read many Five Minute Friday posts, but have never participated myself until today. I decided earlier in the week that I would take five minutes this morning to write about the specified theme. No editing. No scheduling. Just writing. 
Today's topic:  Laundry
In our household, laundry is my job. It was something that M and I discussed early in our marriage. He would take care of the trash and I would be in charge of the laundry. 
I was talking with some friends while on a women's retreat a couple of weekends ago. They were all talking about what they hoped their husbands would do while they were away. The topic of laundry came up. I shared honestly, "I don't let M do the laundry." Why?
I guess it's just one of those things I'm very protective of. I know that he did his own laundry for years while in college and living on his own. But, there's just something about it. It's complicated.
First, deciding how to sort the clothes. Which ones are dark, light, delicate, etc? Then, once the load has been washed, do they go in the dryer or do they hang to dry? What about the dryer setting...high or low? Hmmm. These are tough questions, obviously.
I have been teaching the girls how to sort the laundry. Yet, I still double-check their work. That's me. I'm a double-checker. That's just part of me.
Time's up. Not the most profound post, but there's my five minutes on laundry. Any opinions?
LINKING UP WITH

More than what I bargained for

Are you part of something bigger than yourself?

That is the question that was posed to nearly 600 women at the women's retreat I was privileged to attend last weekend.

The message the first night was built around one of the miracles of Jesus. The one where he took five loaves of bread and two fish and turned them into a feast for five thousand. As many times as I've heard that story, I have never paid much attention to the disciples. They were a part of that miracle too.

At first, they were disillusioned. There was a huge crowd of hungry people and they had no food. Jesus encouraged them to "see what was available" for lunch. What they found were the materials for a miracle, and they didn't even realize it.

As I sat and listened to the message that first night, I was challenged in many ways.

Lately, I have felt disillusioned. With my role in life. With this blog. In fact, there have been days when I have thought about quitting my job, and even this space. Those are the days when I focus too much on the numbers. I lost two followers today. What did I do wrong?

Sitting there, in that chapel Friday night, I realized that I have the materials for a miracle too. God has established gifts in me and He wants to nurture and develop them.

SOURCE

The speaker described this opportunity as God Space. It is in God Space that the "need is greater than my resources" and the "opportunity is greater than my ability." It is where God has designed for me to live and has called me to be obedient to Him. He desires for me to be a woman of influence. Not for my own benefit, but for His. To call people to His kingdom. To reveal His divine nature.

At the end of that first meeting, we were asked to kneel before God with open hands, open minds and open lives. To let Him call out to us. These are the three things He said to me:

KEEP GOING

DON'T GIVE UP

SPEAK

This blog is bigger than me. It's bigger than the numbers and statistics. It's not about those that un-follow, but those that continue to show up. It's about the emails and comments asking for prayer and those that are encouraged and inspired. Even if this post only reaches one person, it still matters.

SOURCE

This space, my life, they belong to God, just as they always have. And, I am looking forward to letting Him continue to speak through me.

This song, by Jenny Simmons, is about this very topic. It's about our dreams becoming reality and the things that seem impossible, but still work out. Because they are a part of what God has planned.

Are you a part of something bigger than yourself?

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, 

to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 

Ephesians 3:20

Into the Light

I have so many things to tell you about. 
So many incredible stories to share about the women's retreat I attended last weekend. 
However, I am having trouble putting my thoughts into words. I want to express it well and just haven't had enough time to reflect on all that occurred. It is coming. Soon. I promise.

Today, I want to explain what happened before the retreat and what God had me share with the twelve women in my group.

Prior to last year's retreat, I prepared something for each woman in my group about the meaning of their name. I presented each woman with a piece of paper, which described the origin and meaning of their name and challenged them to think about how or if they were a reflection of this meaning.

Since many of the same women were attending the retreat again, this year, I wanted to do something different. I wracked my brain, but couldn't think of anything. Then, I did what I should have done first. I prayed.

And, God gave me an answer. Every time I prayed I thought of this song, Marvelous Light. This is not a new song, and I couldn't remember the last time I had sung it, so I knew it must mean something more to God than it did to me.

I read and reread the lyrics of this song. Then, I searched the Bible for a verse that I felt reflected the theme of the song. The verse that I was led to was 1 Peter 2:9:

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

The next challenge I faced was how to present this verse in a creative way. That's when I thought of Mandy of This Girl's Life. I have followed Mandy on Instagram for awhile and admire her creativity. So, I contacted her and asked if she would be willing to create a custom print based on the verse I had chosen.

I was thrilled when she said yes, and even more excited when she sent me the finished print.

I decided to frame a print for each woman in my group. I found very inexpensive frames at Wal Mart (thanks to this post by Kaitlyn) and spray painted them white.

(If you follow me on Instagram, you saw that I was still finishing the painting and framing two hours before leaving for the retreat.)

I was completely satisfied with the finished product. It was a great keepsake that each woman seemed to appreciate.

Throughout the time I was preparing this gift, I wondered how this verse would relate to the theme of the retreat and what it would mean to each woman who received it. During our third meeting of the weekend, the speaker shared how God had led her through a tragedy, a dark time. Through her circumstances, she felt that God had taught her three main lessons. The last one was, "Walk in the light."

Although I had felt God leading me to 1 Peter 2:9, I had never been more convinced then at that moment, when the speaker spoke those four words.

My friends, God is alive and active. He speaks to me and He can speak to you, if you will allow Him.

***

If you would like to have a copy of the print Mandy designed, you can purchase it in her Etsy shop. Or, for a chance to get it for free, enter to win it here.
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What I Have Become

If your identity is wrapped up in the magnificent things you're destined to achieve...the thought that you might produce something mediocre can be devastating. - Laura Fraser, My So-Called Genius
When I read the above quote, as part of my study on the book of Esther, I thought, that was is me. Often crippled by the possibility of producing something mediocre. Devastated my own unfulfilled expectations. 
Then, we discussed this quote at Bible study on Monday night. One of the women spoke about her feelings on the topic of perfectionism. She shared that, as a professional, she was often caught up in the fear of producing mediocre work or failing to fulfill one of her assigned duties. The pressure for her was too much. 
This idea resonated with me. Especially, as lately, I am wrestling with being a part-time professional. I am struggling with work, in general. I thought it was because of all the new rules and procedures. But, I think it's really the fear of mediocrity that keeps pulling me further and further away from a job I used to love. 
As I grow weary of work, I feel that identity fading. What I was once so wrapped up in has become secondary to so many other things. So, what am I now?

I am someone who posts photos of my outfits on Instagram and occasionally blogs about fashion, even though I hate having my picture taken.

I am a mom who makes her children pose for photos with replicas of national monuments, even when their friends may be watching.
I am a wife who sometimes cooks dinner, and usually complains about it.
I am a woman with too many not enough pairs of shoes.
I am a blogger who writes from the heart and is hoping to change lives.

I am a child of God, who does great things, simply because they are God-things.

What are you? Has your purpose, your identity, changed?

What You See {SPD Awareness}

SPD or Sensory Processing Disorder is not often visible from the outside. There are often no physical markers that make a child with SPD look different. But, there are behaviors, facial expressions, and verbal nuances that make a child with SPD different from the rest.

If you saw my son playing soccer, you may notice his awkward run, but what you may not notice is the way he holds his arms out for balance or grabs the sides of his shirt. You may also be unaware of the way he winces or tenses up when there are a group of kids near him going for the ball. You may miss these things, but as the mom of a boy with SPD, I would not.

If you were the principal of my kids' school, you would have seen me walking them in and O crying and yelling at his sisters to "stop" because they were too far ahead of him. You would tell me that my "boy was giving me a run for my money" that morning. But, you wouldn't know why.

As a parent, I notice that my son is always the last one out of class. Not because he is in trouble and has been directed to the back of the line. It's because he is in more control there. He can control the distance between himself and the kid in front of him. And, there is no one to bump into him from behind; he has controlled that too.

You may assume, when observing our family during mealtime, that I am a parent who doesn't care what her child eats and who gives into his every whim. What you may not see is that my son won't even keep pasta on his plate that is not "penne" shaped because it creates too much anxiety in him. I can't explain it and sometimes, I don't understand it, but I know the anxiety is real.

SOME OF OUR SENSORY STRATEGIES...THAT SEEM SO SIMPLE, BUT HELP SO MUCH.
BOUNCING, PILLOW FORT, HANGING UPSIDE DOWN, DRINKING FROM A SPECIAL WATER BOTTLE.

October is Sensory Awareness Month. Last year, I wrote this post and this one, explaining how SPD has affected my son and my family. 

I know that unless you have a child with SPD you cannot possibly understand our daily struggles. What I hope is that, by reading here, you are a little more informed and have become aware of the existence and reality of this condition.