Normal
I recently read the post One Toe in Normal at Four Plus an Angel. In it, a mother describes her feelings related to being in "general education" for the first time. With a teenage daughter with autism who recently graduated high school and a younger daughter, with severe anxiety, who is home-schooled, her experience with education has not been typical.
This post caused an emotional stirring in me. Last week, I went with O and his class on a field trip to the pumpkin patch. I will not explain the whole of that experience here...you will have to wait for tomorrow's post for the rest of the story. But, for now, I want to describe my feelings as I listened to the conversations of numerous other parents. Conversations about normal, typical things. Conversations that I couldn't be a part of because I had nothing normal to contribute. I felt like an impostor and worried that if I spoke, my true identity would be revealed. Weird, huh?
Although O is in general education kindergarten, I cannot always approach things with him in a "general education" way. Even his teacher, while she has praised his performance in kindergarten, doesn't realize how much she has done to prepare him for these experiences. She is setting him up for success, which is wonderful. But, it is not normal.
When I talk to the parents of my girls' friends, we share experiences and struggles that are normal. It is easy and, with some, it is even effortless. I was hoping that with O, I could find a parent who could relate, at least in some way to our struggles.
Maybe I just need to share more. But, I'm afraid. Worried that people might not understand.
I feel like I have one foot inside normal. It feels strange to be there. How much longer will it be until I feel like we belong?
3 comments:
Sybil, while it is scary...put yourself out there. Just like you have on this blog. You never know who you will touch. Some may be facing other struggles and like you, they too are scared to reveal what is truly inside. God will protect your heart in the process, but He too may open many doors to friendships, understanding and relating that you have yet to see. And yes, while some are struggling with things that are not what most deem "normal"...we all are truly struggling with something. And, while it may not seem big to someone else...it is to them. I personally appreciate your sharing O's struggles. While I am not going through the same thing with my girls, it does allow me to be a more compassionate Christian to those who are. And, makes me more grateful for what we do have.
The fear of rejection can be terrifying. It can keep us from stepping out of our comfort zone. You are an awesome lady with a child created perfectly by God. Hold your head high and know that those mamas may not completely relate to your life, but they certainly have much to gain from you. Xoxo
I am so thankful for your honesty and openness in sharing about your struggles and triumphs with O. I too am often scared about saying too much with C and others not understanding or judging. I have yet to find a comfortable balance in sharing with others. But I am encouraged when I read your blog and the way you share and educate others inspires me to do the same!
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