Yes, I Cried

I'm sitting here at my computer, trying to waste time. I have 30 minutes before I have to leave the house for a series of errands, meetings and appointments. I'd like to think of something productive to do, but instead I am eating brownies and scanning Facebook, liking all of the "first day of school" photos I see.
I tried to fill my schedule today. I didn't want this idle time. Because, for me, it just turns into time to think about O and how he is handling his first day of first grade. 
I cried this morning. Not for the same reasons I saw tears in many other mothers' eyes. But, because my son, who bravely packed his lunch, got dressed and endured me taking photos of him and his sisters, will be at school all day today. He will (probably) eat lunch there. He will (hopefully) use the bathroom there. He will have a new class. New teacher. New experiences. And, the last words I heard him say, repeatedly, were, "I'm scared, mama."
I wanted to say, "I'm scared, too." But, of course, I didn't. I think that might be considered bad parenting, at least in this situation. I simply acknowledged his fear, gave him a big kiss, which he thankfully didn't resist, and walked out of the door. It was the right thing to do. It was so hard.
Leading up to this day has not been easy, either. The anxiety has been evident. Yet, he's been excited. O wants to go to school. He just doesn't know what's going to happen. And, that drives him crazy. I know how he feels. Despite the fact that I adore his teacher and am confident in her ability to teach and care for him, I don't know what's going to happen either. That drives me crazy!

But, that still, small voice inside keeps whispering, 
"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" (Gen. 18:14).  "My spirit remains in your midst. Fear not." (Haggai 2:5)
These are the words I will be (trying to) reflect on today, until I get to see these faces again. Until I get to feed them their favorite snacks and hear about their day. I can't wait until 3:15pm! 

To the One Who is Restless

To the One Who is Restless,

Do you know who you are? You are the child of God - chosen, freed, forgiven, equipped. You have gifts, which have been given to you by your father in Heaven, so that you may run in his race. He's got the path set, the course laid out and in the end there is victory. All you have to do is move. 
Isn't that exciting? Isn't it scary. Yes and yes. But, if you never take that first step, you will always feel like this - restless - like there is more to life than this.

"God's story changes every one of our stories, every one of our lives." 

- Jennie Allen

You were made for more. It's time to accept it. There are people and places who need you. There are passions, birthed through suffering, that are unique burdens for you. Why? The mission is clear. God wants you to move with him. He wants your story to be aligned with his.

God is alive. He is active. So, we must be too. Although we may not be able to see the finish line, or even the next mile marker, we must step out with confidence, as if what we believe about God - his faithfulness and unfailing love - is true. Because, God always gives us enough to sustain us for this day, for this task, and this moment of obedience. He wants us to be dependent on him, every day. And, tomorrow he will provide again. 
Like Joseph, you must obey God's call on your life, even when it doesn't make sense. May you also be like Abraham and Isaiah, saying, "Here I am" while offering yourself and your service to the Lord.

Unfortunately, in life, there are many things that can weigh us down, make us weary and create a breeding ground for discouragement. That is not what God wants. These things paralyze. He wants you to move freely - to run without those things entangling you. So, stop comparing yourself with others. Stop worrying about what others think of you. Instead, keep your eyes on Jesus, who has initiated and perfected our faith. With him all things are possible.

My friends, I believe you will do great things. I am excited to see what God had planned for you and for me. If you do not yet know what it is, ask him. He will show you. It may not be today or tomorrow but the answer will come. In the meantime, explore your passions, embrace your people and places, continue to dream, and...do something.

"God doesn't change the world through grand visions; he changes the world through surrendered people hungry for his glory." 

- Jennie Allen, Restless

Note:  I wrote this letter to the ladies who completed the Restless Bible Study with me this summer.  I wanted to share it with you, with the hope that it would encourage you, as well.