Yes, I Cried

I'm sitting here at my computer, trying to waste time. I have 30 minutes before I have to leave the house for a series of errands, meetings and appointments. I'd like to think of something productive to do, but instead I am eating brownies and scanning Facebook, liking all of the "first day of school" photos I see.
I tried to fill my schedule today. I didn't want this idle time. Because, for me, it just turns into time to think about O and how he is handling his first day of first grade. 
I cried this morning. Not for the same reasons I saw tears in many other mothers' eyes. But, because my son, who bravely packed his lunch, got dressed and endured me taking photos of him and his sisters, will be at school all day today. He will (probably) eat lunch there. He will (hopefully) use the bathroom there. He will have a new class. New teacher. New experiences. And, the last words I heard him say, repeatedly, were, "I'm scared, mama."
I wanted to say, "I'm scared, too." But, of course, I didn't. I think that might be considered bad parenting, at least in this situation. I simply acknowledged his fear, gave him a big kiss, which he thankfully didn't resist, and walked out of the door. It was the right thing to do. It was so hard.
Leading up to this day has not been easy, either. The anxiety has been evident. Yet, he's been excited. O wants to go to school. He just doesn't know what's going to happen. And, that drives him crazy. I know how he feels. Despite the fact that I adore his teacher and am confident in her ability to teach and care for him, I don't know what's going to happen either. That drives me crazy!

But, that still, small voice inside keeps whispering, 
"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" (Gen. 18:14).  "My spirit remains in your midst. Fear not." (Haggai 2:5)
These are the words I will be (trying to) reflect on today, until I get to see these faces again. Until I get to feed them their favorite snacks and hear about their day. I can't wait until 3:15pm!