Although Dr. K is not technically allowed tell me what to do, he strongly encouraged me to consider having the shots. After all, most insurance companies don't pay for two well-child check-ups in one year. However, I knew that this wasn't the case for my insurance. I had checked into this two years ago when E entered kindergarten, since her birthday is also in April and kindergarten registration is often in March. So, I really didn't have to worry about that.
What I did have to worry about was that, not only had I not prepared O for this doctor visit - the time had gotten away from me - but I had definitely not prepared him to get shots. In all fairness, he did really well with the visit, largely in part because he got to watch his big sister bravely go through all of the same things he was going to have to do. You should have seen his face when the nurse mistakenly asked him to get weighed first. I didn't think he would let go of me. I calmly asked E if she would go first. Being an awesome big sister, she complied.
So, after a relatively easy visit, I couldn't imagine having to endure four shots. None of us were prepared for that. So, no shots. But, the whole way home I berated myself, internally of course, about my lack of courage. Why didn't I just get the shots? Wouldn't it have been easier? Aside from the screaming four year old I would have had to restrain, on my own, while the "shot lady" asked me, not so politely, to keep him still, it would have been okay, right? No, it was just too hard!
This is one thing that I continually struggle with as a mother of a special needs child...when and how far to push. So, sometimes I just don't push at all. I know that it's not the best solution, but it is at times the most comfortable solution for me and for O. It's possible that the shot situation is not the best example. I mean, any mother in the same situation, might make the same decision for their child, right? But, I wouldn't have, at least not for my girls.
However, I am famous for this, for taking the easy way out, especially when it comes to O. I have often let his teachers and therapists do the pushing, and when I am confident that he has made significant progress, I can then help him into mastery and with generalizing that skill. It's the initial push that kills me.
Why is this so hard? Because, I want life to be easier for him. Because, as much as I love him and appreciate him for who he is, I wish things were different. I don't want him to have to endure the issues that are a part of his make-up. I don't want to be the one who makes things harder. Even though my intellect knows he needs practice with these hard things, my heart says something entirely different.
In most areas of my life, I lead with my head, not my heart. I am all about being rational and using practical and logical reasoning. With O, I am in constant battle with my emotional side. I am hoping to win this war, in time.
2 comments:
Ugh...I just went through this w/ my 5 year old daughter. She has sensory processing challenges and she's going into Kindergarten this fall. We had her 5 yr. old wellness check about a month and a half ago. I was a bad mom and totally forgot about it until the day before. I warned her the next morning that she was going to the doctor, and her first comment was, "Am I going to have to get shots?" I told her I wasn't sure :/ We got there and she did great until her doctor gave her the bad news. She cried and sobbed for the entire 10 minutes it took the nurses to get the doses of shots. Then, I had to restrain her. We had to choose legs over arms because she was so resistant. It took myself and another nurse to hold her down..and two more nurses to give her the shots. It was like a scene from the exorcist. My heart broke listening to her screams. The good news is she knows that it doesn't hurt long after you get them and they are to keep her healthy. She can rationalize it later; just not during the actual process. I just wanted to let you know you are so not alone in this journey. Keep your chin up. You are his mom for a reason. Because no one can love him and support who he is better than you :)
We have the same problem with the dentist. A year or so ago Ben decided that everything at the dentist hurt, right after the appointment where he got sealants on his teeth. Now the dentist can't even put the mirror in his mouth without Ben saying it hurts. We switched to a Kids Care dentist, and he likes going because they have movies and video games, but he still has a rough time with the actual teeth work (even when on nitrous oxide!). He needs two crowns for his back teeth that have no enamel, but for right now we are taking a chance that his teeth will rot, because I can't bear to torture him with crown work while we are just finally getting to a point where we can get his teeth cleaned without too much angst. My point is, you are NOT alone! I think we are doing to the right thing to trust our gut instinct - we know what's best for our kiddos.
Post a Comment