Try to fit the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy.
- Free to be Me by Francesca Battistelli -
- Free to be Me by Francesca Battistelli -
It's time for me to admit that I'm a perfectionist. I would prefer that I made no mistakes and those who know me well would say that I have difficulty admitting it when I do. My parents didn't demand perfection from me as a child, but I demanded it of myself. One of the most difficult things for me to accept, at the time that it occurred, was getting my first "B" in high school, as a junior, and ruining my chances of being a valedictorian.
Even though I know that I am not perfect, I continue to struggle with being unable to achieve perfection. This is particularly disturbing as I attempt to put the pieces of my life together. When a piece doesn't fit the first time, my tendency is to abandon the piece all together. It must not be a part of this picture. Or, if I am unable to see the image on the piece clearly, wondering "How will this fit?"
For example, when I began formatting this blog, I was frustrated by learning the blogger language and had trouble with the daunting task finding a look and concept that made sense. I thought many times about giving up, telling myself that I was crazy to even attempt this. How did this blog piece fit into my life? Although the answer is still unclear, I push forward, twisting and turning the piece until it fits. Because, ultimately, I have faith that it does fit.
I believe that I am supposed to be here, writing, for myself and for those who choose to read. It is also my belief that although I will never be perfect, as defined as faultless and supreme, I can be perfect, as defined as suitable or well-done. (There I go with the synonyms again...just love the thesaurus!)
On Easter Sunday the pastor of my church spoke on Hebrews 12:1-3. He made a statement that stuck with me, he said we are not "running to win, we're running to finish." So, I encourage you, as I was encouraged, to "move forward" and "endure."
... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...
- Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)
His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant!
You have been faithful with a few things;
I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
- Matthew 25:21 (NIV)
2 comments:
Wonderful post, Sybil. So true...I struggle with perfection too. And it is a hard thing to surrender and just live.
I, too, am a perfectionist in some areas, as my family has helpfully pointed out! I never thought I was, but I have to admit it and start changing my unrealistic (at times) expectations. Hard stuff. I appreciate you and your honesty - thanks!
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