I walked into the classroom and was grateful that he couldn't see me from where he was sitting. I could be a silent observer. I could watch him without him knowing that I was there...but, only for a few seconds because one little boy announced, "O, your mom is here!"
I watched as he participated in the flag salute and sang about the Stars and Stripes. I watched as he listened intently to the teacher's instructions on the day's center activities. I felt victory and defeat. I witnessed steps forward and backward. Points for celebration and areas for improvement.
He participated in group response. Two points for O. He sat without the ability to keep his hands still, something he only does when he experiences anxiety. One point for SPD.
My role as mommy helper was to assist all students at the "Johnny-Appleseed-bear-making-station." I watched as my son cut with great precision. Victory. I watched as he became nervous about the slightest errors in his cutting. Defeat.
I get asked daily about how O is doing in kindergarten. I have found myself saying, "He is doing great. I think that he loves the learning part of it so much that he puts up with the stuff that makes him uncomfortable." After watching him on Monday, I still believe that to be true.
There is so much about kindergarten that O loves. But, there are also things that he doesn't. Like the boy sitting too close to him and calling attention to the fact that his mom is there. Or, making mistakes on his writing or cutting, wanting his words or shapes to look just right.
Putting up with the negative because there is so much good to experience. Isn't that life?
I know that O doesn't love everything about kindergarten. But, I also know that he doesn't complain about going. Steps forward.
I know that O has asked me when kindergarten will be over. But, I also know that he is excited to come home and show me all of his work, tell me about his accomplishments and do his homework. Celebration.
This life, O's life, is full of victories and defeats. But, in the end, there is nothing that I want more than to be O's mom. Because it is what God had planned for me to do.
I came across this prayer Monday night. It was sent to me by a friend during the first week of school.
I pray love and blessings over your family. You have been chosen by God to raise that amazing little boy. I pray He always gives you His peace and wisdom in tough times. Amen.
His peace. The ultimate victory. That's my goal. For me, and for my amazing little boy.
Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things.
1 Chronicles 29:11
