Into the Light

I have so many things to tell you about. 
So many incredible stories to share about the women's retreat I attended last weekend. 
However, I am having trouble putting my thoughts into words. I want to express it well and just haven't had enough time to reflect on all that occurred. It is coming. Soon. I promise.

Today, I want to explain what happened before the retreat and what God had me share with the twelve women in my group.

Prior to last year's retreat, I prepared something for each woman in my group about the meaning of their name. I presented each woman with a piece of paper, which described the origin and meaning of their name and challenged them to think about how or if they were a reflection of this meaning.

Since many of the same women were attending the retreat again, this year, I wanted to do something different. I wracked my brain, but couldn't think of anything. Then, I did what I should have done first. I prayed.

And, God gave me an answer. Every time I prayed I thought of this song, Marvelous Light. This is not a new song, and I couldn't remember the last time I had sung it, so I knew it must mean something more to God than it did to me.

I read and reread the lyrics of this song. Then, I searched the Bible for a verse that I felt reflected the theme of the song. The verse that I was led to was 1 Peter 2:9:

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

The next challenge I faced was how to present this verse in a creative way. That's when I thought of Mandy of This Girl's Life. I have followed Mandy on Instagram for awhile and admire her creativity. So, I contacted her and asked if she would be willing to create a custom print based on the verse I had chosen.

I was thrilled when she said yes, and even more excited when she sent me the finished print.

I decided to frame a print for each woman in my group. I found very inexpensive frames at Wal Mart (thanks to this post by Kaitlyn) and spray painted them white.

(If you follow me on Instagram, you saw that I was still finishing the painting and framing two hours before leaving for the retreat.)

I was completely satisfied with the finished product. It was a great keepsake that each woman seemed to appreciate.

Throughout the time I was preparing this gift, I wondered how this verse would relate to the theme of the retreat and what it would mean to each woman who received it. During our third meeting of the weekend, the speaker shared how God had led her through a tragedy, a dark time. Through her circumstances, she felt that God had taught her three main lessons. The last one was, "Walk in the light."

Although I had felt God leading me to 1 Peter 2:9, I had never been more convinced then at that moment, when the speaker spoke those four words.

My friends, God is alive and active. He speaks to me and He can speak to you, if you will allow Him.

***

If you would like to have a copy of the print Mandy designed, you can purchase it in her Etsy shop. Or, for a chance to get it for free, enter to win it here.
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What I Have Become

If your identity is wrapped up in the magnificent things you're destined to achieve...the thought that you might produce something mediocre can be devastating. - Laura Fraser, My So-Called Genius
When I read the above quote, as part of my study on the book of Esther, I thought, that was is me. Often crippled by the possibility of producing something mediocre. Devastated my own unfulfilled expectations. 
Then, we discussed this quote at Bible study on Monday night. One of the women spoke about her feelings on the topic of perfectionism. She shared that, as a professional, she was often caught up in the fear of producing mediocre work or failing to fulfill one of her assigned duties. The pressure for her was too much. 
This idea resonated with me. Especially, as lately, I am wrestling with being a part-time professional. I am struggling with work, in general. I thought it was because of all the new rules and procedures. But, I think it's really the fear of mediocrity that keeps pulling me further and further away from a job I used to love. 
As I grow weary of work, I feel that identity fading. What I was once so wrapped up in has become secondary to so many other things. So, what am I now?

I am someone who posts photos of my outfits on Instagram and occasionally blogs about fashion, even though I hate having my picture taken.

I am a mom who makes her children pose for photos with replicas of national monuments, even when their friends may be watching.
I am a wife who sometimes cooks dinner, and usually complains about it.
I am a woman with too many not enough pairs of shoes.
I am a blogger who writes from the heart and is hoping to change lives.

I am a child of God, who does great things, simply because they are God-things.

What are you? Has your purpose, your identity, changed?

What You See {SPD Awareness}

SPD or Sensory Processing Disorder is not often visible from the outside. There are often no physical markers that make a child with SPD look different. But, there are behaviors, facial expressions, and verbal nuances that make a child with SPD different from the rest.

If you saw my son playing soccer, you may notice his awkward run, but what you may not notice is the way he holds his arms out for balance or grabs the sides of his shirt. You may also be unaware of the way he winces or tenses up when there are a group of kids near him going for the ball. You may miss these things, but as the mom of a boy with SPD, I would not.

If you were the principal of my kids' school, you would have seen me walking them in and O crying and yelling at his sisters to "stop" because they were too far ahead of him. You would tell me that my "boy was giving me a run for my money" that morning. But, you wouldn't know why.

As a parent, I notice that my son is always the last one out of class. Not because he is in trouble and has been directed to the back of the line. It's because he is in more control there. He can control the distance between himself and the kid in front of him. And, there is no one to bump into him from behind; he has controlled that too.

You may assume, when observing our family during mealtime, that I am a parent who doesn't care what her child eats and who gives into his every whim. What you may not see is that my son won't even keep pasta on his plate that is not "penne" shaped because it creates too much anxiety in him. I can't explain it and sometimes, I don't understand it, but I know the anxiety is real.

SOME OF OUR SENSORY STRATEGIES...THAT SEEM SO SIMPLE, BUT HELP SO MUCH.
BOUNCING, PILLOW FORT, HANGING UPSIDE DOWN, DRINKING FROM A SPECIAL WATER BOTTLE.

October is Sensory Awareness Month. Last year, I wrote this post and this one, explaining how SPD has affected my son and my family. 

I know that unless you have a child with SPD you cannot possibly understand our daily struggles. What I hope is that, by reading here, you are a little more informed and have become aware of the existence and reality of this condition.