Image is Everything

His image. Not mine. His.

I wrote a post not long ago about my insecurities related to my own self-image. About how I feel when I look in the mirror. 
Although I have become more proficient at listening to God's voice and His opinion of me, it is still a struggle.

Yet, I am convinced, more now than ever, that God is with me in this struggle, even when it feels like he is absent or doesn't understand.

In just the last six weeks, I have come upon these verses, quotes and phrases:

So God created human beings in his own image.
    In the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.
- Genesis 27:1

For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. 
- Hebrews 10:14

We are called to be the light of the world so that God can reveal the radiance of His glory through our lives. 
- Beth Moore, Esther

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? 
She is more precious than rubies. 
- Proverbs 31:10

You were made as a representation, to reflect God's goodness, and to radiate His love. 
- Jennifer Smith, Wife after God

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. 
- Psalm 139:14

You were created with intention and you matter. 
- Jennifer Smith, Wife after God

I think know that God is speaking to me. It is no coincidence that these words and I have crossed paths. With God everything is intentional.

My challenge to you...pick one of these verses, phrases or quotes and let it resonate with you. Memorize it. Feel it. Own it. Live it.

Let God speak to you.

LINKING UP WITH

Open to Interpretation

Last Saturday, M and I had a date night. It was wonderful!

One of the things I love about our date nights is getting dressed up. This is especially fun for me in the summer months, when I am not getting ready for work (or for anything, really) every day.

For Saturday's date, I was excited to wear my new black maxi dress and some fun new accessories.

This is the only photo I have from the evening. Oops.

The other thing I enjoy about date nights, is the ability to sit across the table from my husband, eat a meal, and have meaningful, uninterrupted conversation.

Most of our conversation on Saturday night centered around communication. We were discussing how different we are in the method and content of our communication, specifically in the context of our marriage.

While we are not the kind of couple that hash out each and every irritation or annoyance, we are also not the type to carry burdens and bitterness over weeks and months. Our communication falls somewhere in the middle. And, depending on the situation or concern, we are turn-takers with initiating this type of confrontational communication.

As a result of our discussion, we concluded that the way communication is received is dependent on the emotional, physical, etc. state of the person who is receiving it. To illustrate this point, M used an example from earlier in our evening, when we were getting ready to go.

I had asked his opinion about my necklace. His comment was neither negative nor overly positive. But, being a little self-conscious, I decided to try some other necklace options. Ultimately, none of them was what I wanted, so I went back to the original.

M's point about that situation was that even though I had responded to his comment, by looking for other options, I was not hurt or offended by it. However, on a different day or at a different time, I could have been.

It would have been easy for me to start a negative thought process...He hates the necklace. He thinks I look awful. Why are we even going out? But, for whatever reason, I didn't.

There are times when a person's words are meant to hurt. But, there are also times when words are just words and we interpret them to mean something that wasn't a part of their original intention.

This statement, by Beth Moore, was in my Bible study last week:

Because Satan has a limited leash where believers are concerned, his most powerful 

tactics are psychological. Though he can't posses our minds, he profoundly and 

destructively influences our thoughts.

I have been working hard not to let Satan control my thoughts, to focus on God's thoughts about me and about my marriage and relationships.

In another study, Wife after God, a 30-day devotional by the Unveiled Wife, the author said it this way:

God created you in His image...You were made as a representation, to reflect God's goodness, and to radiate His love...You were divinely designed by the creator of the universe, you were inspired by Him, and you were made with purpose.

If you and I interpret the words of others, the situations of this world and our daily lives with that knowledge, we can live with a sense of value and purpose. 

It is only when we are able to hear and see ourselves differently, that we will hear and see others differently too.

Not by Chance

Last week, I posted this verse about the way God judges us, and how it is different from the way the world judges us, and from how we judge ourselves.

In my journey through the Bible, I just finished 1 Samuel. This verse was one that I had bookmarked and labeled as, Look at the Heart. As a person who is constantly struggling with a poor self-image and broken self-confidence, I thought this would be an important verse for me to remember. 

What I didn't anticipate was what God was going to teach me last Tuesday and how He was going to make this verse real to me. 

On Tuesday, June 4th, I was scheduled to begin a new Bible study. A study with a group of women that I had met through blogging, but never met in person. I was thrilled that they had asked me to be a part of their existing group and excited to be able to study the Bible with these godly women. 

Having never met any of them in person, I was nervous. I have often written here that I am much better at interacting with people in written form than in conversation or in person. Also, while I felt like I knew so much about these women through their writings, Instagram photos, emails, and text messages, I truly did not know them at all. 

What if they were crazy? But, more importantly, what if they thought I was crazy?

Here's what happened...

The Bible study was due to begin at 6:00pm. At 5:15, I was in a carpool, just leaving a meeting in a town at least 30 minutes from my car, which was at least 20 minutes from my final destination. There was no way I was going to be on time. What you must know about me is the I am never rarely late. It is something I just can't be. I was raised to be on time early, and have not been able to deviate from that mindset as an adult. 

It makes me very anxious to be late. What will I miss? Will those waiting for me think less of me because I was not on time? Etc.

When I finally got to my car I realized that, while I had the address of my destination, I didn't know how to get there. I typed the address into my phone. Couldn't find it. It showed me the location on the map, but was not able to give me directions from my current location. More anxiety.

Then, after deciding I knew enough about the approximate location to get there, I started off on my planned route. To my surprise, the freeway, which I was intending to take, was closed. A police car was parked, blocking the entrance to the freeway on-ramp and the smiling police officer was directing traffic to continue straight. No turning. Now what? 

While I have lived in this town most of my life, my familiarly with this particular area is lacking and my sense of direction is horrible. I was going to have to take the surface streets. It would be a slow and tedious drive.

At the next every stoplight, I checked my reflection in the mirror, noting that most of my makeup was gone and I had bags under my eyes. Lovely.

I was also hungry. Having been in a meeting, or in someone else's car, for the past three hours, I hadn't had a chance to eat anything. Since I knew it would be awhile before I reached my destination, where dinner would be served, I decided to eat a snack. Pineapple. 

Because I had given my daughter, who had a runny nose, the napkins that had been in my lunchbox (since I had forgotten to get tissues before we left the house, I was forced to give her what I had in the car when I dropped her off at school), I chose to keep the pineapple slices in the bag as I ate them. Bad idea. This strategy led to pineapple juice dripping down the front of my shirt. 

Could this get any worse? Could I make a worse first impression? I was late, looking haggard and covered in pineapple juice. Hi, I'm Sybil. I'm a mess. Aren't you glad you invited me to join this Bible study? 

As I began to cry, this verse, the one from 1 Samuel 16, came into my mind. The Lord gave it to me and then said, "Look at your heart. Look where you are headed. To study my word. I have great plans for you. For your heart."

The message was clear. God did not want me worrying about appearances. He didn't care that I was late, bleary eyed or smelled like pineapple. He cared that I was taking steps to study His word so that I could know him better.

I had arrived. At my destination. And, was at peace. 

I took a deep breath, apologized for being late, and put all appearances out of my mind. 

In addition to the words God spoke to me during my drive to the Bible study, here is the key phrase I jotted down in my study guide that night:

In God's providence, nothing happens by chance.

I am grateful for that truth. That God's hand is in everything...even spilled pineapple juice and freeway closures. 

Do you believe that?

Mirror, Mirror

Do you know what it's like to look in the mirror everyday and hate what you see? I do. Every day I fight with my negative inner voice, the one I believe comes from Satan. Every time I look in the mirror he reminds me of my physical imperfections. He shares his thoughts on my hair, face, body, weight, and much more. I go into battle daily, and sometimes it's just exhausting.

I have struggled with with body image for as long as I can remember. Even as a young girl, I remember crying about my hair...why it couldn't be like everybody else's. I would pray to God most nights, that if He could make my hair straight while I slept, I would be so grateful. I would do anything. But, every morning I would wake up, and my hair would be the same. I would be the same.

In high school and college, I struggled with food. Partly because I experienced an undiagnosed physical condition, which appeared to be related to stress, that caused horrible stomach aches and dizziness. I began not eating. And, kept not eating. It felt better, but not good enough.

My husband tells me daily that I am beautiful. I struggle to believe him. I trust that it is what he thinks, but I don't believe it to be true.

When I was pregnant with each of my children, I worried, which I don't think is uncommon. However, one of the things I worried about was that my children wouldn't love me. Not because I feared being a bad mother, but because I was afraid they would look and me and not fall in love. Is that crazy?

I have always hated looking at photos of myself. It is not difficult for me to look at a photo and find my imperfections. Awkward stance. Goofy expression. Too much chin skin. Because of this, I frequently avoided being in photos.

Then, what do I do? I go and start a blog. I put myself on the Internet. On Instagram. Not only do I put my writing, my thoughts, out there for everyone to see, but I put my photos too. What was I thinking?

Honestly, I don't think I was. It was God who was thinking for me. It was His voice that prompted me to start writing again. It was part of His plan for my life to have this space to share...everything. Didn't He know how hard it would be for me to look at my photos - on the Internet! - everyday? I think He did. And, I think that's one of the reasons why He did it. Because, he knew it would be hard.

For day 27 of the scripture challenge, I posted this verse:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 
Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. 

- Psalms 139:23, 24 (NLT)

God has searched me, tested me and led me through this blog. He continues to ask me to do hard things. I have done so much more than I could have ever imagined here. And, I am excited to do more. Even if that means more photos, more exposure of my perceived flaws and imperfections.

When I look into the mirror each day, I try to see the creation of God. The person that was created in His image, who is fearfully and wonderfully made. His masterpiece. It is not easy. But, I will continue to fight the devil. I want him to be worried about me.

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