Working to Love

The clanking sounds of pots and pans. The smell of garlic. As a kid, this is what I often woke up to - at 4:00 am - when visiting my grandparents.

This past weekend, my parents traveled over 750 miles to see my grandmother, my dad's mom. She is my last living grandparent. But, the end of her life is imminent. She was recently put under hospice care and my parents went to see her one last time.

Over the weekend, I received text messages from my mom. Each time I was saddened by my grandmother's current state. She is no longer the grandma I remember.

Growing up, my grandparents lived about four hours away from us. We visited. They visited. But, I never had the relationship with them that I did with my mother's parents, who lived in the same town. As I reflected on this this weekend, I struggled to remember a time when I said the words, "I love you" to my grandma or when she said them to me.

What I discovered, through my own thoughts, was that my grandma didn't often use words to show her love. Her love came through her actions.

Like any good Italian, my grandma was always cooking and baking. She made pasta, meatballs, sausage, and more. She baked dozens of cookies. While the running joke was always about how my grandma rationed our food - only two meatballs per person - she put her love into her food. She enjoyed cooking for us. I remember each time we would visit and each care package we received, our favorite cookies were always included. She knew our favorites and made sure we had them.

My grandma started dinner at 4:00 am. At this time in my life, when I don't cook a meal unless I can get it done in less than 30 minutes, I still don't understand why it took so long for her to cook. But, she put her love into the work of preparing her food. It was what she enjoyed doing, for us.

As she got older and lost her sight, she couldn't do those things anymore. We all knew that this would make her crazy, not to be able to bake and cook. But, it wasn't until recently that I realized why it might have been so hard for her. It was not just because she couldn't be active anymore, but because her actions were her love.

When I was a kid, I have few memories of my grandma sitting. She was always doing something. And, consequently, always wanted us to do something. Over the years, though, as her sight declined, my grandma began to talk more. To just sit and share stories of her memories. I was amazed at how much she had to say.

I guess I'm like my grandma in many ways. While I don't share her love for cooking and baking, I do share her passion for showing love through actions. I enjoy buying gifts and sending notes to people. When I have people to my house, I rarely sit until the meal is through. 

This makes me think of the story of Mary and Martha in the book of Luke. Martha is often looked upon negatively because she is working too hard. She doesn't sit at the feet of Jesus and simply enjoy his presence, as her sister Mary does. But, I think they were both showing how much they loved Jesus,  in their own way.

While I am learning to appreciate the moments of stillness, I think I will always be more inclined to show my love by preparing, working and giving. Thanks to my grandma for modeling this so well for me.

I love you, grandma and will miss you.

Wife after God {Review}

I recently completed the Wife after God devotional, by Jennifer Smith. If you read this post or this post, you got a glimpse of how much I enjoyed this book and how much I learned in the 30-day devotional period.
I am not a blogger who does regular reviews of products. Actually, I think this is my first one. However, when the author of this devotional asked for bloggers who would be willing to write a review on the book, I felt it was something I had to do. After all, I had already purchased my own copy of the book and was nearing the end of the 30-days. It seemed only natural for me to share my opinion with you, in hopes that you may benefit from the book as well. 
This book is not a typical marriage devotional, which is one reason I loved it so much. The focus of the book is about how nurturing and developing a relationship with God leads to fulfilling marriage relationship. There wasn't a list of things to do or ways to change, there was no checklist or surveys. While I believe there is a place for those types of things, that is not what I needed.
What I needed was to focus on me...and developing a deeper, more intimate relationship with my creator. 
Marriage is an opportunity to bring glory to God as you reflect His love story. (p.15)
That is what Wife after God offered me. It gave me thirty days of instruction and challenges and a countless number of scripture references related to seeking the one who first loved me. Out of this came an understanding of how to love, not only myself, but my husband, too.
I don't believe that there is a  magic fix for a broken marriage or recipe for a perfect one. This book doesn't claim to offer that. It offers so much more.

 


If you are interested in purchasing a copy of this book, click here. 

Amazed

This week has been amazing. Exhausting, but amazing. 
O has not only survived, but has thrived in his first week of kindergarten.
I have felt so blessed by the prayers, messages, comments, etc. from so many people, who know O's story and how hard he has worked and the struggles he had experienced in his five years of life. 

A NOTE AND PRAYER FROM A FRIEND

Each time I try and talk about how proud I am or how blessed I feel, I cry. I even started crying when I composed an email that I sent to O's teacher, thanking her for her support and the way she has welcomed him into her classroom with open arms.
In the past four years, since first beginning the journey of O's evaluations and therapies, I have been working and pushing for him. To see him grow and progress. Now that I think about it, I never had an end goal in mind. I never said, "If I could just get him to...then I'll be satisfied." We just kept going. Achieve one milestone, move onto the next one. Some days were filled with anxiety, confusion, exhaustion, and were seemingly futile. 
This week has made all of that worth it. Because it pushed me to push him, to make plans and prepare. I did everything I could because...well, how could I not.
Last night, I told O that I was proud of him. He said, "For kindergarten?" Yes, buddy. For that, and so much more.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! - Audrey Hepburn