Creating Space

Do you have a space for yourself? A place that represents peace, rest, or relaxation?
Yesterday, I felt like I was in a state of chaos all day. It seemed as if all three kids were in a talkative mood, which led me to feeling like I was being bombarded with auditory stimuli. All day.
I took the three of them to Target in the afternoon. And, by the time we left, I had asked each of them, at least once, if they could just stop talking. Sound cruel? Maybe. But, I just couldn't take all the noise. It was too much for me.
In an effort to be productive and tame my internal chaos, I decided to clean, organize and create a peaceful retreat. I washed all the sheets from every bed, which I was regretting late in the afternoon, when I was exhausted and had to make four beds! I made beds, picked up toys, cleared the sink of dishes and emptied three unpacked suitcases.
Walking into my room, looking at my bed, made me happy. It gave me peace. 
I have never been one of those people that have to make my bed. In fact, I think the only time it gets made is once a month when the cleaning lady comes...because she makes it. It's just not one of those things that is important to me. Yesterday, it was. I posted this photo on Instagram. 

I decided not to stop with my bed. In our master bedroom we have a chaise. I bought it not long after we moved in, in an attempt to create a reading retreat for me. In the past eight years, I can count on one hand the number of times I have sat there and just read. Mostly, because it is usually covered with something. But, yesterday, I needed to know that I had a space.
So, I cleared off the chaise and brought in my Bible and devotional books to set on the ottoman. This is now what I see when I walk through my bedroom door.

Relief from chaos. Peace.
I made my bed again today and the chaise is still clear. I'm hoping to use my space today, even if just for a few minutes.

Walking Through

Has fear ever caused you to do crazy things? Things that are out of character for you?

My first week of summer vacation did not go as I had planned. Instead of enjoying our new freedom and the beautiful weather, I was stuck inside all week with two sick kids, a lot of Lysol, and an abundance of anxiety. 

I won't go into details about the week, except to say that it was very difficult for me. I struggle with anxiety in many areas. Unfortunately, I experienced one of my extreme phobias last week. Is it irrational? Yes. Yet, it is still real. For me.

This anxiety made it very difficult for me to sleep. One night, when I experienced this anxiety-induced insomnia, I wrote the following...

***

I have experienced paralyzing fear this week. Fear of the unknown. Fear that is irrational and crazy. So much fear that I have not been able to sleep, eat or even leave the house without panic.

In fact, as I write this, I should be in bed. Sleeping. But, instead, the place that should bring me calm and rest is a place where I experience the most anxiety, which is both emotional and physical. 

I read until I finish my book. Until I am sure I can fall asleep, but it does not work.

So, I pace. Around the kitchen. I pass my Bible. I should pick it up, but I am afraid to even do that. Finally, the call to do it is so great. I search "fear" in the index and concordance. I find these:

"Don't be afraid," he said. "Take courage! I am here!" (Mark 6:50)

...but he called out to them, "Don't be afraid. I am here." (John 6:20)

The Lord who created you says, don't be afraid...I have called you by name, you are mine... (Isaiah 43)

I also read John 14:27. About the gift of peace of "mind and heart" that Jesus has given to me. God says to me, "Accept this peace. Allow it to fill you."

Then, I flip to Philippians 4:6,7. Whenever you start to worry, stop and pray. The words my husband said to me earlier in the day resonate with me, "Have you prayed about this?"

I am worn out, weak, exhausted, broken. God says, "This is not what I want you to be."

***

Although it is a new week, and life is beginning to return to normal, I am still walking through my anxiety. I'm not sure how long it will take to leave me. I have asked God to lift this burden from me, many times. Yet, I keep taking it back. It is within my power to release it. In it's entirety. So, why am I still holding on? I must let go. Completely.

It is time to turn my ...

Worries into prayers.

Anxiety into petitions.

Suffering into thankfulness.

Limitations into requests.

Uncertainties into opportunities to listen.

Peace is Fair

I have been having many it's not fair moments lately. 

Most  of these moments have been related to O.

For example, 

it's not fair that we can't run out of shampoo without him freaking out about using a different one.

It's not fair that he doesn't want to go to his own preschool graduation simply because they are serving ice cream. He doesn't like ice cream. And, food he doesn't like makes him anxious.

It's not fair that there is often no real indicator that he is getting sick. Odd patterns of eating, sleeping and behavior are the norm.

It's not fair when people, some who are very close to us, misunderstand and minimize his differences.

Some other not fair things...

It's not fair that my dryer died. Especially the day before O gets sick and various bedding, clothes, and towels need to be washed. 

It's not fair that one of our water heaters broke and all five of us have been forced to relocate to the same bathroom for our showers, etc for the past week.

I have been trying to pull myself out of this rut, but it seems that each time I adapt to one of these unfair moments, another one quickly arises.

Today, I am responding to all of my whining and complaining with a phrase that I use with my students and my own children all the time...

fair does not mean equal

Fair simply means that each person gets what they need at a given time. 

Life isn't fair in the sense that it's the same for everyone. 

But, it is fair if we look at what we need.

Even if we don't like it or are overwhelmed with it at times, it is exactly what we need. 

It's fair.

Isn't peace like this too? 

It's not the same for everyone or at every point in your life, but it is available to each of us, based on what we need.

One of the questions from this week's Coffee and Conversation is:

What's the meaning behind your blog title and why? 

Peace it all Together. 

What does that mean?

Shortly after I began writing this blog, I wrote a post to describe my definition of peace. You can read the post in its entirety here.

I am going to reprint my favorite portions of that post today, because I think it describes why I am writing this blog and what the title means to me.

*** From Pieces to Peaceful - April 13, 2012 Do you ever feel like you're in pieces? Like the whole picture is not clear? Do you struggle to understand  how the people, circumstances, and emotions of life fit together?

If so, you are a lot like me. I  go through each day with a desire to fit the pieces together, to make peace with all the pieces of my life. Although this is a daunting task, it would be a lot easier if I understood what that word peace really means...

...after all this research, I determined that peace is difficult to achieve. It's a lot easier to be filled to anxiety or uneasiness than it is to be filled with peace. Then I realized, peace is only difficult because I frequently attempt to gain it on my own. Doesn't it make more sense to go to the one who is called the Prince of Peace to ask for help? Jesus said in John 14:27,

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (NIV) 

I read once that this peace does not mean an absence of conflict or trial, but rather the ability to keep it together during those times. That is what I desire, the ability to exhibit calmness and confidence during times of trouble, whether big or small. And, that kind of peace has been given to me. All I have to do is accept it. 

***

This is Peace it all Together. The place where I attempt to make peace with the pieces of my life.

LINKING UP WITH

My Thoughts on Anxiety

O's world is filled with anxiety. It's one of the side effects of his SPD. Living in an unpredictable world. Being unsure what sights, sounds and textures might bombard his sensory system. Although he has made great progress in so many areas, I still see his anxiety, almost daily.

Yesterday, we were able to play outside. It was cloudy, but not too cold. So, we ventured into the backyard. We played baseball and soccer and climbed the ladder to his "pirate ship."

However, when I suggested he try the swing, he immediately said, "No." I asked him several more times during our playtime. Finally, he agreed.

When I lifted him onto the swing, his body was tense. He was not allowing me to help bend his legs and wouldn't let go of me, so he could hold onto the chains. He was resisting the movements that he feared would harm him, when in actuality, they would have helped him be more secure on the swing. He was in full panic mode.

I bent down in front of him, once he finally put his hands on the chains. I spoke softly and tried to get him to focus on me, not on the swing. It didn't work. He was ready to get off the swing, back onto solid ground.

Not only does O struggle with anxiety because of his SPD, but I also believe it is a part of his genetic make-up. You see, I also struggle with anxiety, daily. There are many things that make me uneasy and distressed.

It is for me and O that I chose this passage, from Philippians, for today's scripture challenge theme - anxiety:

I read a post from Girls of God's Heart this past week about anxiety. In it, Kelly, the blogger, stated that anxiety and prayer are two great opposing forces. Also, in our small group last Sunday, the leader made the assertion that faith and fear are opposites. Based on this passage of scripture, and practical experience, I believe both of those statements to be true.

As I reflected on this passage, these statements, and O's reaction to the swing, I realized that God does not want me to be anxious. Instead, He wants me to pray. He makes attempts to get my attention, speaking in a gentle whisper, and urges me to stop fighting, to let Him help.

Instead of getting flustered, I need to seek peace. That peace, "which exceeds anything [I] can understand," is only found in Him.

Do not be anxious....instead, pray

Do not be fearful...instead, have faith

Do not be restless...instead, seek peace

A Little More Christmas

I love to decorate with pretty things, especially at Christmas. But, I don't like to spend a lot of money. While I do believe that I am creative, I am not super crafty, which means that making my own decorations, in an effort to save money, is not really an option. So, I have come up with other ways to decorate on a budget.
I decided I would share some of my tips for creating relatively inexpensive, but beautiful holiday decor with you.
Look for things in unexpected places. Last October (2011) my mom and I - and my three kids (crazy) - took a trip to Ikea. I always find great things there, at reasonable prices. But, what I wasn't expecting to find, was Christmas decorations. These two frames were $1 a piece and the prints inside came in a pack of five for $2. 

Take something you use all year and add Christmas to it.  These three black lanterns were one of my awesome Ikea finds. During most of year, they sit on my dining table, with candles and a few natural elements inside. This year, I added greenery, pine cones, and a little ribbon and put them on my fireplace hearth. 

Take advantage of after-Christmas sales. Every year, my mom and I go shopping the day after Christmas. This is when most stores, even those that sell Christmas year-round, will put all Christmas decorations at least 50 percent off. One of the places we always visit is Pottery Barn. It is one of my favorite stores. Well...mostly I just look at the catalog and get ideas, since everything is so expensive. But, I have found many wonderful items on sale the day after Christmas.
I got this vase filler - vintage stars with music notes, small silver ornaments and silver stars with glitter - several years ago. I borrowed the vases, added a little "snow", two glass bird ornaments from Target, and some greenery...instant Christmas vignette.

Have any family members with discounts? While I don't currently, several years ago both my sisters worked at Pottery Barn. I took advantage of their discounts and got these houses and several tree candles. The houses go into a large cubbie I have above my TV, which, by the way, sits empty the rest of the year because I still haven't found anything to put in it. 

This year, I put the tree candles, along with some greenery, on my dining table. I love how they contrast with my red tablecloth.

Start a collection. I collect Old World Christmas ornaments. I've always liked them and my dream - before I realized how much it would cost - was to fill my tree with them. I have been adding to this collection myself year after year, and my tree is slowing being filled. My family members also know that I collect these ornaments and have bought many of them for me. This is the ornament my mom bought for me this year. The ornament, and the message it shares, are beautiful.  

Looking forward to that day! Ultimate peace.

I've Been Robbed

PHOTO:  HUME LAKE WOMEN'S MINISTRY

If you're like me, you have attended dozens of seminars, conferences and retreats, taken notes, and then put those notes in a safe place, never to be seen again. I know that I have heard many excellent speakers, who have imparted a vast amount of knowledge and resources to me, which due limited brain capacity and just too much paper, is now gone. So, after returning home from a weekend retreat, earlier this month, I was determined to break this pattern.

I transferred my notes onto my iPad within days of returning and decided that I would review them, meditate on them, at least weekly, and use them in my writing and conversation. This, I felt, would enable me to not only hold onto the information longer, but also to remind my friends, who attended with me, of the lessons we learned, and to share the information with those who were not a part of the original audience.

So, you may see whole posts dedicated to my reflections from Hume Lake or simply quotes and verses that were meaningful to me. In fact, I have already included some of those quotes and scripture passages in recent posts about sin and faith.

Debbie Alsdorf was the main speaker during the weekend retreat in early October. She was one of those speakers who brought a host of emotions and who led you to do the same. Throughout the weekend, she spoke of peace. Since this is an important topic for me (hence, the title of my blog), I was eager to hear what she had to say.

I was most fascinated by her explanation of those things in life that rob us of peace. She appropriately named them, Peace Stealers. Here is her list, in brief, with my own applications and additional explanations, in parenthesis:

1. Double mindedness (living for God and for *insert your vice here*... James 4:7-8)

2. Unrealistic expectations

3. Complicating simple issues

4. Excessive reasoning

5. Living with a focus on feelings ("The heart is deceitful above all things..." Jeremiah 17)

6. Holding on to anger

7. Jealousy and envy (competitiveness)

8. Negativity

9. Habit of discontentment (Takes at least 21 days to form a new habit. Start now.)

Honestly, when looking at this list, I had a hard time coming up with  the one I struggle with the most. I know I've been guilty of letting all of these things steal my peace. There may even be times when I have fallen victim to all of them at once. After reviewing this list several times, I began to understand why I have so much trouble remaining at peace, why I become so overwhelmed with the pieces of life. 

PHOTO:  PINTEREST LINK 

Which brings me to this. Debbie's most repeated quote of the weekend,

"Problems are inevitable. Living overwhelmed is optional."

Optional. Available but not obligatory. Non-compulsory. Voluntary.

Remember that. I know I'm trying to.

What is stealing your peace? Are you choosing to live overwhelmed?

From Pieces to Peaceful

Do you ever feel like you're in pieces? Like the whole picture is not clear? Do you struggle to understand  how the people, circumstances, and emotions of life fit together?

If so, you are a lot like me. I  go through each day with a desire to fit the pieces together, to make peace with all the pieces of my life. Although this is a daunting task, it would be a lot easier if I understood what that word "peace" really means!

My 9 year old loves peace signs. She has them hanging all over her room, has them on her t-shirts and earrings, and spends time doodling them in her notebook. When I researched the history of this symbol, I found that it originated in 1958 by the Campaign of Nuclear Disarmament. I'm pretty sure my 9 year old doesn't know anything about nuclear disarmament. (Even I don't know anything about it!) She just thinks peace signs are cool.

Other symbols of peace include a dove and olive branch and the v-shaped hand signal. Although these are widely known symbols of peace,  are they really helpful in explaining what peace means? There are also various sayings that have recently become more popular that have to do with peace. I've seen countless t-shirts with the saying, "Peace, love, (fill in the blank)". And, although originally produced by the British government as a propaganda poster in 1939, variations of this are now all over Pinterest:

Still confused about peace? I was too. So, I decided to look up some synonyms for the word "peace". Here are some of my favorites:  calm, ease of mind, reassurance, imperturbability, stillness, unconcern. Need more clarification? Sometimes knowing the opposite of what you want to achieve helps make a goal clearer. So, here are some of my favorite antonyms for peace:  uneasiness, restlessness, anxiety, apprehension, fearful expectation.

After all this research, I determined that peace is difficult to achieve. It's a lot easier to be filled to anxiety or uneasiness than it is to be filled with peace. Then I realized, peace is only difficult because I frequently attempt to gain it on my own. Doesn't it make more sense to go to the one who is called the "Prince of Peace" to ask for help? Jesus said in John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (NIV) 

I read once that this "peace" does not mean an absence of conflict or trial, but rather the ability to "keep it together" during those times. That is what I desire, the ability to exhibit calmness and confidence during times of trouble, whether big or small. And, that kind of peace has been given to me. All I have to do is accept it. 

My favorite synonym for peace is imperturbability. Lord, help me to be imperturbable today...