Running to Finish, Not to Win

Try to fit the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy.
- Free to be Me by Francesca Battistelli -

It's time for me to admit that I'm a perfectionist. I would prefer that I made no mistakes and those who know me well would say that I have difficulty admitting it when I do. My parents didn't demand perfection from me as a child, but I demanded it of myself. One of the most difficult things for me to accept, at the time that it occurred, was getting my first "B" in high school, as a junior, and ruining my chances of being a valedictorian.

Even though I know that I am not perfect, I continue to struggle with being unable to achieve perfection. This is particularly disturbing as I attempt to put the pieces of my life together. When a piece doesn't fit the first time, my tendency is to abandon the piece all together. It must not be a part of this picture. Or, if I am unable to see the image on the piece clearly, wondering "How will this fit?"

For example, when I began formatting this blog, I was frustrated by learning the blogger language and had trouble with the daunting task finding a look and concept that made sense. I thought many times about giving up, telling myself that I was crazy to even attempt this. How did this blog piece fit into my life? Although the answer is still unclear, I push forward, twisting and turning the piece until it fits. Because, ultimately, I have faith that it does fit.

I believe that I am supposed to be here, writing, for myself and for those who choose to read. It is also my belief that although I will never be perfect, as defined as faultless and supreme, I can be perfect, as defined as suitable or well-done. (There I go with the synonyms again...just love the thesaurus!)


On Easter Sunday the pastor of my church spoke on Hebrews 12:1-3. He made a statement that stuck with me, he said we are not "running to win,  we're running to finish." So, I encourage you, as I was encouraged, to "move forward" and "endure."

... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. 

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...

- Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)

His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! 
You have been faithful with a few things; 

I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' 

- Matthew 25:21 (NIV)

Footprints

This was one of O's gift to me for Mother's Day. He actually let someone - granted it was a trusted adult, in a trusted environment, but still - put paint on his feet. Then, he kept it on there long enough to make a print with it.

Such an awesome gift! Especially from a kid who, for the longest time, would not even go near a table if it held paint supplies, as if the paint held some type of poison or was dangerous in some way. He really was that fearful.

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. 

For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. 

He will neither fail you nor abandon you. - Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT)

When I found this verse, I knew immediately it would be my prayer for O. I will share it with him one day.

My Boy and His Bike

A little over a year ago, I could not get O on a bike. He wouldn't even sit on it and let me push him. It was just not happening. This was a huge concern for me...what little boy doesn't ride a bike?

So, we made this a goal. We worked with him. First, just sitting on the bike. Then, sitting on the bike and having someone push or pull it. Once he was comfortable with this, it became time to teach him how to pedal and steer. This was not easy, especially for a kid with problems with motor planning, meaning...he can see what you want him to do, but has difficulty getting his legs, feet, etc. to actually do it.

Once O started preschool, this became part of his weekly routine, to ride on the back of a two-seater or pedal one himself. Gradually, he got more and more comfortable with pedaling, steering and stopping a bike, at school and at home. He even asked me if he could get a bike for his birthday. He actually wanted a bike! So, of course we got him one. It's not a huge bike, but it looks like one a "big boy" would ride, as that was one of the criteria I was given. Check out this photo from the morning of his birthday...

As you can tell, he loved the bike! And, after thirty minutes of riding the bike in circles around the island in our kitchen, the motor skills associated with this new bike became part of his motor-memory and he was ready to ride...anywhere!

Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway! - John Wayne