Raising Awareness

October is National Sensory Awareness Month. As I thought about what to write, what to tell you about sensory processing, I recalled a lot of technical information regarding our senses, our brains, and how the two work together. Didn't want to bombard you with that, at least not today.

I also thought of the many posts I've written about my personal experiences raising a son with dysfunctional sensory processing, which provided you with examples, analogies, and information about living a sensory life. But, I wanted to do something different. It was then that I decided to write about my son, not about his SPD, but about him. To let you know who he is.

This is O. He is adorably handsome (looks just like his daddy), super-smart and loves learning. He is curious about many things, most of all trains, although he is recently enjoying constructing buildings, farms and other assorted structures. He loves riding his bike, wrestling with his dad, and even playing "house" with his big sisters.

He loves his friends, and is excited to share in their ideas and their interests. He is frequently amused by his friends and tells countless stories of the funny things they do. Like his friend R from preschool who, on picture day, said, "Chuck-E-Cheese" when it was his turn to have his photo taken. That cracked him up. I love watching O being amused! His whole face laughs. It's one of the only times when you see no indication of fear, just laughter, pure enjoyment.

And, although he may not always want hugs and kisses - just because they don't feel good that day - he tells me he loves me an innumerable amount of times each day. He misses me when I'm away from him. And, in addition to being able to share his fears and concerns with me, he also wants me to share in his enjoyment of trains, Nick Jr, obstacle courses, and all other things O.

Most of all, I want you to know that he doesn't want to have SPD. He doesn't want to freak out over seemingly insignificant things. He wants to behave. Of course, like any other four-year old, he has his moments of stubbornness and misbehavior. But, he ultimately wants to please. This is the boy who, after a particularly difficult bath time, was so upset about not "doing it right" that he kept asking me if he could "try it again." That's O.

So, just be aware. Be aware when you see a kid "acting up" in Target or hiding in a corner covering his ears. It's not always bad parenting or an oppositional kid. Maybe it's SPD. Or maybe it's just a bad day. I know raising O has changed my perspective of those people.

Also, why do we only expect those who look different to act different? Don't judge a child more harshly just because he looks normal. Be aware of the differences and challenges we all face on a daily basis. Not just for O, but for all of us.

I have no pink or blue ribbon to wear. I only have my story to share.

A's Letter

I wrote this letter for my oldest daughter, who is so much like me, in so many ways. Maybe I'll read it to her, someday.

Dear A,
You seem to be struggling lately. Your spark for learning and for pushing beyond your comfort zone, appears to have been replaced by self-doubt and defeat. I know it's hard, but try not worry about being the best. Just be the best A you can be. Don't give up if you don't get something on the first try, if it doesn't come easily to you. There will be things in life that will require more effort, that take more time. If something does not come easily, it is not a reflection on you or your competence. It doesn't mean you're stupid. It just means that you're going to have to work harder. I know you want to be the best at everything, that you want to be perfect. But, that's not possible. You cannot be the best at everything. There is always going to be someone that can go faster, read better, jump higher.

And, that's okay. Because, I love you. Your dad loves you. And, more importantly, God loves you. He created you. He knew you even before you were born. He knows your strengths and your weaknesses. He knows what will be hard and can help you, if you ask Him.

I want what's best for YOU, not for you to be the best. So, don't give up. Because one day there may be something bigger than math facts or a back handspring. It might be a relationship, or a job, or college. It may be something that is important for your future. Even though it is hard for me to say, life will not be easy. You will struggle. There will be hard things. But, just because life is not easy, does not mean you should just give up. You can't decide that it's not worth it. You have to keep going. Keep trying, because there's so much more that you can do!

Love,
Mom

Prepared. For Life.

The tagline for the Boy Scouts of America was changed in 2011 to, Prepared. For Life. It's previous motto was, Be Prepared. Either way, the organization wants it's members to ready themselves. Prepare means to make ready for use or to create a plan in advance. This is something I drive myself crazy trying to accomplish, daily. But, there doesn't appear to be any way to prepare for every situation life throws at you. To think of every possible solution to every possible problem is an insurmountable task.

There are those people who can be spontaneous, who don't have to plan. Do you know them? They appear to breeze through life as if each new day is an adventure that they can't wait to explore. This is not me. This is definitely not my son. We must prepare him for everything. We talk in advance about the changes in seasons, since it means changing the types of clothes he will wear - short versus long-sleeve, pants versus shorts, etc. We also discuss the evening routine, every night, even though it doesn't change much. We use timers, give warnings, show him calendars. We do this to avoid the unexpected, because the unexpected brings anxiety, and anxiety can bring negative behaviors.

Then, there are those days when the pieces just don't seem to fit. Even though the same piece previously fit snugly right in the center the day before, it just does not fit anymore. What happened? Life can't be predicted. Not for O or for any of us.

Since things aren't always going to go as planned, even if you prepare for them, we need coping skills. I need to be able to say, even though a situation is not what I want or what I planned for, I have a strategy to deal with it. If something takes me by surprise, I have a back-up plan. This is something that has become increasingly important for O. Because, I can't prepare him for everything. And, even when I do prepare him, sometimes it just doesn't work. It's just not enough. He needs to have those strategies, to know what to do when his current situation is different than what I told him it would be or what he had predicted.

I believe that's what God has done for us, does through our daily experiences. He has not provided us with an outline of the exact plan or given us all the details. But, he prepares us. He puts us in situations, give us verses or songs, or places us in the company of certain people, so that when we find ourselves in a situation that we haven't planned for, we can lean onto those things. Onto the fact that He has prepared us. He has given us the coping skills that we need.

Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance 
from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything 
work out according to his plan. 

 - Ephesians 1:11 (NLT)

God uses [scripture] to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. 

- 2 Timothy 3:17 (NLT)

Chosen in advance. That means he has already done it. He's already prepared or equipped us. Every experience that we've had. Every joy. Every sorrow. Everything that we have done has been preparing us for something. There's nothing left to chance. There is no spontaneity. Yes, we have choices. We can choose whether or not to follow His plan. Regardless of what we decide, we are ready. We have been prepared for it. He knows what we need and He gets us there.

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. A 

spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. It is the one and only Spirit 

who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have.  

- 1Corinthians 12:4, 7, 11 (NLT)

As this passage in Corinthians continues, Paul describes the various gifts of the Spirit. There are so many of them. Everyone can be used by God. In different ways. At different times in our lives. We can all be used.

Most of the time I feel unworthy of being used by God. Sometimes I think, who am I, that God can even use me. What do I have to offer? My friend, colleague, and blogger at She Becomes, wrote a statement earlier this week that I immediately connected to. She wrote, "I have asked God why He is choosing me for this task when I am incapable. Why not assign me to something that I can better relate to? Something deeply intertwined in my life. Something in my roots." But, our life doesn't always fit neatly into the puzzle we've created. It can't be predicted. And, that's where faith steps in.

When A told me, as a kindergartener, that she wanted to be a cheerleader, I can honestly say, I was a little disappointed. I had this little girl that was so bright. Capable of anything. And, she wanted to be a cheerleader. Yes, I was biased and was making assumptions about cheerleaders that weren't fair. Of course, I never let her know these opinions and ultimately supported her desire to try this sport.

What I couldn't have known is what I would gain from her decision to participate. There have been so many people, mothers of other cheerleaders, who have become my friends. Who have become people who I enjoy spending time with, who I share with, who I need, and who have come to need me in ways that I would never have imagined.

I was having a conversation with one of those women recently, and praying with her. Now, if you would have asked me three years ago, if I would I be praying with this person about something so devastating, about the things that are happening in her life, I would have said, "You. Are. Crazy." Number one, I'm never going to know any of these people well enough, to have a real friendship with them. Number two, I'll never feel ready to pray with someone, to take on that responsibility. But, you know what? It happened.

And when it did, I didn't feel ready. At the moment when I knew that I needed to be that kind of friend, I still didn't feel ready. I still don't think that I lived up to my own standards, but I am confident that I did the job that God had planned for me, that He prepared me for, had led me to. I could never have prepared myself for it. He knew, three years ago, when I first met this person, about this exact conversation. He knew about the tragedy that would take over her life. He knew He would use me. To be a part of something so big, feels so incredible. I feel honored and blessed to have been used.