I injured my shoulder this weekend. Well, a more appropriate phrase may be, "irritated my shoulder." On Friday evening, I was taking a bath. I was listening to music and wanted to keep my hands dry so that I could easily find the my songs of choice. Apparently, my right shoulder was not accustomed to the position I held it in for nearly 30 minutes...and, by the time I exited the bath, it spasmed in protest.
This spasming continued that night and all day Saturday. My range of motion was severely limited. Since I am right-handed, this did not make anything - even getting dressed and using the restroom - easy for me. I spent most of the day frustrated and in tears, while attempting to function.
Finally, at the request of my husband, I stopped doing things. It was determined - by him mostly - that rest, in addition to alternating ice and heat, were the best solutions and would lead to quicker healing. By Sunday, I had a little more movement without pain, but was still limited.
As I type this, I am wondering how much time I am going to have to spend icing my shoulder after I'm done.
For me, this incident was just one more reminder that things can't always be looked at or done the same way. There may be a new way. A better, more efficient way. At least for a season.
When I couldn't use my right arm, I became depedent on my left arm. While I always have this arm, I don't depend on it often, at least solely. But, it still worked. Not in the same way, but it worked.
This weekend, I also re-read The Shack, by Wm. Paul Young. I read this book several years ago, found it in a box in my closet last week and felt led to read it again. Because I was so limited in my activity for the weekend, I was able to finish the book.
One of my favorite quotes in the book comes from a scene in which God is speaking to the main character, Mack. He says,
Remember this, humans are not defined by their limitations, but by the intentions I have for them;
not by what they seem to be, but by everything it means to be created in my image.
If you haven't read this book, I encourage you to. It is fascinating and confusing and will give you a new perspective on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Or, at least it will challenge you to re-examine your own perspective.
How fitting that I would read this book this weekend. Coincidence? I don't believe in those anymore.
However, I do believe in a God who has orchestrated every moment of my life and is with me in all of them.
This knowledge causes me to change and gain new perspectives. And, challenges me to step outside what I think I know to search for his answer.
He has known me. He is knowing me. He will forever know me.
I recently finished reading the book, Anything, by Jennie Allen. As I read the book, I wondered...how is it possible for her to know me so well? Since, we've obviously never met. What I realized was that if I believe that the words I write are inspired by God and believe that when she writes, her words are also inspired, then it's not Jennie Allen that knows me so well. It is God.
He is the one who knows exactly what I need to read and hear at any given moment. Because of that truth, I can be confident that the message in Anything is for me. Especially since it goes along with so many of the other messages I've been hearing and reading lately...
surrender,
be willing,
give me everything,
I will take you beyond your dreams
If I am willing to pray anything, Lord, anything, I believe great things will happen. If I let him write my story, instead of trying to take the lead, my life will be extraordinary. And, it will glorify him.
Recently, I've written about calling and the constant struggle between fear and faith, which is a part of my journey. I have surrendered. I have made myself empty and opened my hands to be filled by God. Yet, I still feel a little stuck, unwilling to truly say, anything.
I have said yes to a new project. I have sought opportunities to speak and write outside of this space. I have followed the urging of the spirit and pursued friendships, encouraged and invited. But, anything means everything and some days I'm not sure I can do that. As much as I want to.
I think I will try it for one day and then another. Maybe with each small step, my life will gradually become more of what he wants it to be. It seems to be working so far.
Although I've been a christian for over 30 years, I feel as if I'm just beginning to understand what it means to live for Jesus. Prior to this journey, which God started me on two years ago, I was mostly neutral, medium, status quo. I knew Jesus, but was not always passionate about him. I was familiar with God and the Bible and church and they were a part of my life, but I had not lived for them.
I was generally a mediocre christian, with moments of spark and moderate intensity. I wasn't all in, especially when life was hard. When things got tough, I wanted to quit or strive to create my own alternate story, without stopping to ask God what he wanted.
Hebrews 12:12 says, "So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees." (emphasis added)
Even when we are or have been weary or feeble, God urges us to start again. To push on into victory, so we can experience true freedom.
Disappointment is not an end, but an opportunity for a divine appointment.
One disappointment, or even more than one, does not mean that all the good works
God ordained for you long before you were born are now impossible, ended, defeated.
There are still many ahead of you, beyond the disappointment.
Christine Caine, Undaunted
That is my challenge for me...and for you. Don't stay stuck in disappointment. Start new today. Pray, anything. And, mean it.
Dear O,
Today is your sixth birthday! It is also Easter. I was worried that you would not like sharing your special day, but you couldn't be more excited about it.
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| EASTER 2010 |
I can't begin to express how proud I am of you. You have accomplished so much this year and have been brave through it all. I am so happy that you have found a best friend and love seeing you enjoy kindergarten so much. Even though life is still unpredictable for you, you are learning how to handle the twists and turns.
This year, my prayer is that I can let you go just a little more. I know that I have a tendency to protect you more than I should. I worry that you will be too scared or uncomfortable and it is hard for me to see you feeling that way. But, I am learning to trust God, knowing that He is with you always, even when I can't be. And, that He loves you even more than I do.
Even though, I know you have so much more growing to do, I can't help but look back at how much you've grown and wonder how you got to be such a big boy. Most days you take life seriously and are eager to learn as much as you can. But, you are also becoming more comfortable with being silly, which makes me smile. Unless, of course, you are talking about gas and boogers, which just makes me say, "EWWW!"
I love you, son. Happy birthday to you, my boy!
Love,
Mama
