I don't like compliments. Actually, let me rephrase...I am very uncomfortable with compliments. While I believe that giving and receiving compliments is an important social skill, one that I teach to my students and to my own children, I have difficulty responding to kind words from others with a simple, "thank you." Instead I find myself adding, "thanks, but..." or responding with some form of sarcasm.
I realize every time, after the fact, that I have negated the compliment by adding comments about how the compliment is not completely true. Maybe it's because I don't want to appear that I have it all together. Like, if I simply accept the compliment I will be somehow saying that I have nothing more to work on.
This is not only true for personal compliments, but also where my children are concerned. I have had had people tell me that my children are "angels" or were "perfectly behaved". Honestly, even as a self-proclaimed perfectionist (see previous post), this irritates me! After all, no child or person is perfect. That's when I would say something like, "You should see them at home" or "Glad they were good for YOU."
I know this is not the best response, but it's what seems to come naturally for me. Also, when you have a child with special needs, you learn to appreciate the small things, but don't want other people to think that you've come up with a cure, or worse yet, made the whole thing up from the beginning. So saying, "He's made progress" seems to satisfy.
Ultimately, I want to be appreciated and complimented as much as the next person. I also want people to love my kids and appreciate their strengths. But, I don't want to appear over-confident or too proud.
There must be a balance to this social exchange of receiving and responding to compliments. But, I have not found it yet. It's just one more piece to this puzzle of life. So for now, I have one more goal: Just say, "Thanks!"
I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks. - William Shakespeare
2 comments:
I am actually delighted when my children behave well for others, especially teachers. I would rather they be good out of the house and torture me, than the other way around. Part of it is selfish, because I want babysitters to be willing to return, but I think I honestly would prefer for spare others from the nastiness. Although, somehow, my husband and my mother are exempt from this; I have no problem asking them to suffer along with me.
I remember a time when Alex would be good at school and bad at home one week, and then completely reverse his behavior the next week, and then the following week go back to the original pattern. I still bless his teachers from those years, when I see them in the halls.
I do the exact same thing. I'll have to try to just say thank you as well.
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