God is in the Waiting

During my 40-days off from the blog, I had a health scare. I found something, which concerned me...and concerned the doctor as well. He ordered a whole scope of blood work and an ultrasound. Then, we waited. It was two weeks before we would learn the results.

During that time, I asked for prayer. From my family and friends. I wanted everything to be okay. Yet, that wasn't the prayer I asked for. I asked for people to pray for my peace, during the time of waiting and when the results finally came. I wanted to praise God, no matter what. I wanted to see his mighty hand and know that I could trust him. I wanted to be thankful...in everything.

It was during that two weeks that I flooded Instagram and Pinterest with verses and quotes of suffering, of God's power and his unchanging character. I found comfort in these. Even though I wasn't yet suffering, I needed these words. They helped me see God, in my past present and future. He was there.

I was preparing myself for the worst. Not with anxiety, thinking the worst, as I have in the past. But, instead preparing my heart for bad news, so that I would be ready. Just in case.

I recently re-read through the book, One Thousand Gifts. One of the things that has struck me about this book is it's realism. It is not a prescription for joy. It is not some Pollyanna version of life. It's about real life. A real woman who daily builds her muscles of gratitude by hunting for God's grace in the everyday. In each moment. It is not simply a flip of the switch, it is daily exercise.

During my waiting, I was intentional about exercise. Not physical exercise, but spiritual. Fortunately, the news I got was positive. No serious health concerns. But, what if it had been the C word. What if I was faced with my own mortality. What then? Would I have been ready? I hope so. But, I will never know for sure.

What I do know...is that God was there for me, in the waiting. I was aware of his presence, his love. What could have been an anxiety-filled time of worry and fear, was generally a time of peace and comfort. A way for God to make himself known.