Until Next Time

There are so many things that I want to say in this, my 300th post. But, first, I want you to know how hard this is for me to write. This post comes after much prayer, reflection and gut-wrenching tears.

Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about many of the questions I have been struggling with lately. Questions related to the direction that my career, this blog, my ministry - to name a few - may take me. Since that time, I have continued reading the book, Restless, and journaling my story - the pleasures, suffering, gifts, people and places that have impacted me.

Quote from Restless, p. 109

I have also been praying and making attempts to empty myself of my selfish desires, while at the same time, being open to what God has planned for me. This has been a difficult process. The more I emptied, the more broken I became. The more I sought clarity, the more confused I was. It was heart-breaking and mending all at the same time.

Also within the last two weeks, I have decided to participate in the 40-day challenge through Overcome the Lie. I participated in this challenge last spring and was blessed by the experience. Part of the challenge last spring was a 40-day fast, from something of your choosing. (You can read about last year's fasting experience here and here). 
As I thought about what to give up for the upcoming challenge, what became clear to me was that God was asking me to give up blogging, at least for those 40-days. As a way of reevaluating what this space is about and if it is something that I should continue to put my time, energy and heart into.

This is not an easy decision for me. To give up this space, even if only for a specified period of time will be difficult. Through this blog, I have been blessed in so many ways. Without this space I would never have...

- Gotten to know so many wonderful people -

- Had the opportunity to speak in front of over 400 women -

- Found two godly women to join in Bible study -

- Desired to become fashionable and actually enjoy how I look most days -

- Shared in birth stories and watched so many adorable babies grow as their mothers learn to care for them and themselves -

- Been able to share my faith so boldly -

- Learned many things about myself, some of which I knew before, but never admitted -

- Had a place to reflect on the reality of having a child that is different and all that that means, or has meant for me -

- Been able to say what I wanted without the fear of being judged -

- Learned that I may not actually be that different from the average woman -

But, there have also been some things about blogging that have negatively affected me, by consuming my thoughts and causing me to view my worth through number of comments and pageview stats. Through blogging, I've also...

- Become addicted to more involved in social media -

- Begun to think of my life in terms of blog posts, tweets and FB status updates -

- Woken up early to check emails, stats, etc - only to be disappointed by a limited to something that I poured my heart into -

 - Compared myself more with others -

- Wondered obsessed about how to get more interaction with the people I am writing for -

Writing is wonderful. Blogging is exhausting. Rereading what I write and feeling proud and impressed at the words that I spoke onto the page is energizing. Thinking about how to promote those words so others will read them too is draining.

I'm not sure how to continue blogging without doing some of these things. But, I'm also not sure that I'm ready to stop altogether. That's what this next 40-days is for. For me to speak to God, daily. Then, listen to what He has to say to me about this space. After all, it was His vision to begin with.

I also want you to know that during this time I do not intend to give up or take a break from the relationships I've made through blogging. I will still be reading and commenting on all my favorite blogs. I will be still reachable by email, and will be posting lots of photos on Instagram (of course). You will also see me posting or making appearances on a few other blogs this month, since I had already made the commitments to sponsor and/or guest post.

Now, as I leave this space quiet for the next 40-days, I have thought a lot about what the last words of this post should be. As usual, the word of God speaks the truth better than I ever could. So, I will leave you with the two verses that have inspired me lately...

Because your love is better than life, my lips with glorify you.

Psalm 63:3

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13

Evolving

I wrote down the definition of the word evolution several weeks ago. I noted all it's synonyms and antonyms. Not sure when or how I would use them, except that it struck me. That word. Evolution.

MADE AT WORDLE.NET

My husband calls himself a misfit. He recognizes the importance of looking at things differently than most, taking an unconventional approach to business and to life in general. Being married to him has helped me to evolve, to expand the range of my thoughts. When you are a misfit, you don't just think outside the box, you eliminate the box. Sometimes, this is good.

This is one of the conversations that M and I had during our trip to Huntington Beach earlier this month. How we'd changed. Together. 
We first met when I was 17 and he was 14. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 16. Obviously we have both changed...a lot. Change happens. But, change with growth and improvement, that's evolution.

Even when I look at the me from just one year ago, I see how I have evolved. In so many areas. There is boldness where there used to be embarrassment and inhibition. There is confidence where there used to be insecurity and trepidation.

So many things have changed. Yet, there is still room for more that is different. The only alternative is being stagnant. Lacking progress. That is not an option for me.

Evolution is not just about change, it's about progress. Change for the better. Change with a purpose. We can't grow without change. And, we can't know the possibilities until we try something new. Right?

Come and See

I have missed church for the last four weeks. First, I had a sick child. Then, I was out of town two weekends in a row. Finally, last Sunday, I was sick. Even though I know that church is not the only place where I can meet Jesus, I don't like missing it. 
Fortunately, an audio of the sermons from each week are available online. Three weeks ago, our pastor began a series in the book of John, and I didn't want to miss any of it. So, each week, I have listened to the sermon online. It's not the same as being in church, but it's better than nothing. 
I just finished listening to last week's sermon. The passage of scripture was from John 1:29-46 and the title was Come and See. As I listened, a few things struck me...
1.  As Christians, our job is to point people to Jesus. I think I am doing that. At least in my writing, I talk about Jesus and the impact that He is having on my life. However, in my everyday life, in my interactions with my family and co-workers, I am not always the best at deomonstrating the love of Christ. Thankfully, because of God's grace, I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be faithful.
But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become the children of God. John 1:12
2.  In the passage of scripture from Sunday's message, the act of telling people about Jesus began with one man. And as other men caught sight of Jesus, they told more people about him. It just continued. They just couldn't stop telling people about Jesus. In that way, faith is viral. There is just something about the excitement of faith and love for Jesus that is contagious. It often inspires others and makes them curious to know more. 
3.  Although Jesus was busy traveling, praying and performing miracles, there were times when he lingered, intentionally. He wasn't so busy that others couldn't see him, that he wasn't noticed or blended in with the crowd. Jesus walked by, slowly, giving opportunity for people to notice. This slower pace is something that I need to be mindful of. I can't be so busy that other's don't have the opportunity to see Jesus in me. I need to spend more time lingering, just walking by, slowly. Not, driving by with a quick wave.
I have a Pinterest board where I post inspirational quotes or verses. Simply, things I find inspiring. There are two quotes that I found recently which bring attention to the importance of inpsiring others.

SOURCE

SOURCE

I'd like to take these quotes just one step further. My goal is not just to inspire, but to inspire people for Jesus. I want someone to look at me and say, because of you, I saw Jesus OR you're someone who made me look toward Jesus. 
I want my faith and the energy I give to the King to be contagious. Have you caught it yet?