Absolutely Uncertain

Meltdown. In the morning. At night. Lately, our life has been filled with these.

Also, filling our lives these days. The phrase..."I will never do xyz again!" It sounds extreme. It is. Yet, I have heard this countless times over the past few weeks - maybe months - from O. Things that fill the xyz slot are: eating dinner, going potty, getting dressed, washing hair, going to school, etc.

Why so many absolutes? I'm really not sure. But, I have some ideas:

My stress causes those around me to feel stressed. I just think the kids can sense it.

I also know, when I am moving quickly from one activity to another, without a real plan, I tend to expect more from the kids, while at the same time involving them less in the process. For example, instead of giving O the choice of what clothes to wear, in an effort to save time, I choose them. Most days, this does not save time, and often creates behaviors, as he attempts to gain a sense of control.

Along with my need to speed up the processes, little tasks of life, is my desire for my kids to think, move and respond faster. My kids are not fast-movers. They need time. And, when not given that time, react in unfavorable ways. Did you know that a good rule of thumb after giving a direction, is to wait 5-10 seconds for a response? I know this, but haven't been doing it. On those stress-filled busy days, those few seconds seem like a lifetime.

The change in seasons, teachers, the anticipation of the upcoming holidays also have had an impact on O's ability to cope with everyday life. When things are not stable, he looks for stability and predictability anyway he can.

Because of all these changes and stressors, we should doing more sensory-related play and exercise. Unfortunately, I'm certain we have been doing less.

Why? Sometimes I just forget. How is that possible?

Life. I read recently an analogy about life, which distinguished between Life with an uppercase L and life with lowercase l. The big L was defined as basic, general life principals. The little l as our own lives. The writer was explaining her struggle with living out the little l, as a reflection of what she believes about the big L.

I'd like to use that analogy, with a twist. My big L is everything - the whole of life. All the things I do, combined. And, the little l is those things that I sometimes forget, but which are necessary in order to have more successful, fulfilling big L. Things like eating well, exercise, planning ahead, prayer, taking our time, providing choices, and sensory activities. I'm sure there are more.

Maybe that's the problem. There are so many things that consume the little l that some are bound to be forgotten. Unfortunately for me, depending on what's forgotten, that big L just gets crazy. We get more meltdowns, more absolutes.

I used to cross stitch. I would pick out these beautiful patterns, but often didn't have the patience to see the product through to the end. It took time, and many individual stitches to make the picture just right. If one stitch was in the wrong place, was the wrong color, or was forgotten, the value of the whole was impaired. It just didn't look right. 
Life's little stitches have not been hitting their mark lately.

Solutions? I'm still processing.