The Marriage Clause

Last week, M and I celebrated the 18th anniversary of our first date. I'm always excited when I remember something like that. It's one of those days that we don't often think about, but is still significant. I mean, without the first, there would be no us.

To commemorate the occasion, the girls decided it would be fun to recreate our date. Fortunately, our first date was dinner and a movie. Although I couldn't remember where we ate that night, I know that we saw The Santa Clause in the theater. Also, fortunate for us, we own that movie.

The girls created several movie posters, for a variety of Christmas movies, and posted them in our hallway. They made tickets and set up a nice space in the living room, where all of us could watch the film. M and I started in the hallway, making a decision about which movie we would watch. Once we had chosen the movie, we got our tickets and were escorted to the theater. We had a dinner picnic in our living room and watched the movie together. It was fun!

Celebrating this special day got me thinking about other milestones that have occurred during the past 18 years of M and my relationship. I first thought of when M went away for college. Since he was only three hours away, we typically went two to three weeks in between our visits with each other. However, the first stretch of time was six weeks!

I recall feelings of anxiety and uncertainty as I rode into the train/bus station, when I visited him after those first six weeks. I was so worried that things would be different. That I would see him and wouldn't feel the same way I had six weeks before.

It seems silly to think of that now. But, at the time, it was a real concern. What did I know about maintaining a relationship across miles? Nothing.

I think of this, and other incidents, as the fine print of our relationship. There are many of these things, the unexpected situations or feelings, that occur in a marriage or relationship. These are those "other duties as assigned" that often come at the end of a job description, as a way to include anything and everything not already stated.

When I entered into this relationship, this marriage, I didn't know what M would or wouldn't become. I didn't know what I would become, either. I had no knowledge of the fine print. That we would have a child with special needs. That he would become the owner of a business with an office out of town. That we would experience car accidents, a miscarriage, a home break-in. I married him. These clauses were added after the fact.

Maybe that's why part of the traditional marriage ceremony says, for better or worse. The better or worse version of us or the person we married. The better or worse fine print.

In our Sunday school class we have been studying the cast of Christmas. Taking a deeper look at the characters that were involved in the Christmas story. It has been very interesting to look at this familiar story from the viewpoint of each individual character and to see the role each one played. What struck me this past Sunday, was the description of the Christmas story as a love story, specifically between Mary and Joseph, and God. What an amazing love they had for each other. And, talk about fine print. Mary and Joseph had no idea what they would encounter on their journey. All they knew was that it was planned by God, for them. They trusted, loved and obeyed.

"Happiness in marriage is not about finding a spouse who always acts the way we want them to. 

It is about two imperfect people trusting in a perfect God and conforming to His will and purpose for them. 

That's a marriage God can bless!" - Joyce Meyer

As the years pass, there will be other issues, situations, and feelings that arise. While there are some that I can anticipate, can prepare for, there are many that I cannot. What I can say, with confidence, is that when the fine print comes, we will read it and figure it out together, as a couple. As a team.

 

Linking up with Love is a Choice.
The first song in This Week's Music was on every mix-tape M ever made me.  I got one every year for Valentine's Day, from 1995 to 2000.  The second is one of my favorite Christmas songs, Mary Did You Know,  which seemed appropriate for today's post.